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Posts by amymaria
Name: Kim Min Jin
Joined: Oct 15, 2013
Last Post: Oct 16, 2013
Threads: 1
Posts: 6  
From: Korea, Republic of
School: ehyun middle school

Displayed posts: 7
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amymaria   
Oct 16, 2013
Writing Feedback / Banning of smoking in public places; "Smoking is injurious to health" [2]

Try not to use questions in the intro and use facts or history(However, do not use defintion)
First, details about your reason is too short
Second, try to use survey in your body.
Third, clear your reasons
Fourth, follow the format,intro-body-conclusion(can't distinguish body and intro)
amymaria   
Oct 16, 2013
Undergraduate / 'In my society standing up to the elderly' Work experience. What do you think? [5]

Maybe you could explain why it is disrespect to stand up to the elderly in your society.
and what the ," enti w'anto me so??"(In Akan) or "owoo nn)"(in Ga) means in english.
I think you should describe how this extra curricular activies helped you in what aspects of life specifically rather than what work you do there.
amymaria   
Oct 16, 2013
Writing Feedback / Should animals be used to research? [6]

Then, should I just erase "By this operation, a company could test if any toxic chemicals in the products could harm people "?
amymaria   
Oct 15, 2013
Writing Feedback / Should animals be used to research? [6]

Nowadays, practicing experiments on animals has been one of the widely and popular methods used by the cosmetic and medicine related industries. By this operation, a company could test if any toxic chemicals in the products could harm people Some say that testing could provide consumers with more safer and effective products. On the other hand, others say that many animals are abused by those experiments. While both sides seem reasonable, prohibiting animal testing should be justified.

To begin with, animal experimenting is ineffective. Animals and humans have a lot of uncommon characteristics. According to the survey, animal and human have only 1.16percent of things in common. In other words, humans can confront with diseases by some elements which were unharmful to animals. A responsible case for it is Thamolide, a medicine that was invented to prevent pregnant women from having emesis gravidarum. Even though it was inoffensive to animal when testing, many congenital anomalies were born from mothers who had taken the pills. This clarifies that animal experiment is not always effective since it could distort the effects of the products on human. .

To add with, animal experiment is unethical. God made every organism equal and our humans don't have a right to kill or torture each other animals. However, by practicing animal experiment, animals get not only skin diseases and high fever, but also in severe case, suffer from cancer and diabetes. According to the survey, many animals even kill themselves because the experiment is too painful. This clearly shows that our humans are abusing animals for our benefits which should be prohibited immediately.

Many effective medicines could be invented without doing animal experiment. For instance, a medicine used for curing diabetes was made out of culturing colon bacterium. Even though animal experiment might be inevitable for inventing some products, animal experimenting should be avoided as possible.
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