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Posts by skriptkid
Name: Akshay Kashyap
Joined: Nov 2, 2013
Last Post: Dec 8, 2013
Threads: 3
Posts: 7  

Displayed posts: 10
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skriptkid   
Dec 8, 2013
Undergraduate / Lafayette College Supplement; What do you do? Why do you do it? [2]

Hey everyone! These are the essay I've written for Lafayette College. I want to know if they are good enough. The second prompt confuses me a bit and I don't know if this fits the prompt. Any help would be appreciated.

1. Prompt: "Why Lafayette? (20-200 words)"

1. Essay:

Although technology is my passion, I've always been fond of liberal arts subjects. So, LACs with Engineering programs are the right path for me. But why Lafayette? For reasons too big to express here! Because of the small student body here, I'd interact closer with the brilliant professors and learn better. The ECE curriculum's blend of the CS, ECE and Liberal Arts courses is perfect. The Lafayette community is caring and loyal. Email conversations with students and faculty have made this very clear. The facilities and resources at Lafayette are, needless to say, world-class. As a voracious reader and a geek, I'd haunt Skillman Library and Acopian. The programs at Lafayette are great, and I'd love to participate in IDEAL, EXCEL and the Technology Clinic. Being a huge Harry Potter fan, the Quidditch Team is a dream come true! Lafayette's campus and Easton are beautiful, the kind of places I crave to live in. At the end of four years at Lafayette, I wouldn't just be a great engineer; I'd be a better person. I would've made new friends, had fun, grown intellectually and maturely, and have gained a prestigious degree. The question I'd ask is, "Cur Non Lafayette?"

2. Prompt: "There's a difference between being busy and being engaged. Lafayette comes alive each day with the energy of students who are deeply engaged in their academic, co-curricular and extracurricular explorations. In response to the second prompt, keep it simple - choose one activity and add depth to our understanding of your involvement.

What do you do? Why do you do it? (20-200 words) The response to this question is optional."

2. Essay:

During the June of 2013, I got my first opportunity to intern at a startup. My father was looking for a developer for a mobile lead management app, and I excitedly volunteered to build the Android app and necessary PHP back-end. Being a developer for an actual enterprise product has since taught me a lot. Though I had thought I knew a lot about building an app, the real world requirements challenged all my learnings and pushed the limits of my skill. The app's features include image capture and processing, data capture, storage and retrieval, and application user management, and all these were successfully built. It has made me realize how much more I need to learn and how product design challenges programming. It has also taught me timely coordination with other developers and the value of teamwork.

Thanks a lot for your responses! :)
skriptkid   
Dec 8, 2013
Undergraduate / "Welcome to the Jincai Law Club" UIUC prompt 2: describe an experience [4]

Hello xujunjiejack! I feel some content would be better if changed.

1.

we are gonna discuss some cases experience how to be a judge.

we are going to discuss some cases to experience being a judge.

2.

"Student club" is a feature in my high school. All these student clubs are only established and run by students. Therefore, the club leader becomes an important role, who takes charge of the club.

I don't think this is really necessary. The admission officers know what student clubs are and how they work. Save the precious words for something else.

3.

Honestly, after I took over the club, I felt some invisible pressure around me.

The moment I had taken over as the president of club...

4.

the idea and laugh.

Filled with ideas and laughter

5.

I had an idea of quitting, but my promise in my first class stopped. I knew promises should obey.

I thought of quitting, but the promise in my first class that I wouldn't stopped me, because promises shouldn't be broken.

The discussion with my club members brought me the pleasure of changing thoughts; my preparation for the activities stimulated me to gain more knowledge ; my constantly speaking in front of club members also leads my speaking ability into a new level.

Use commas instead of semi-colons.

Hope this helped! :) Sorry if I've made any mistakes. I'm not a native English speaker.
skriptkid   
Nov 29, 2013
Undergraduate / Military contracting Firm; Common App USC- use your engineering degree to benefit society? [5]

Hey! I think the wording in the middle is a bit weird.

Practical uses for my drone technology would be to provide surveillance for law enforcement agencies, aid in search & rescue missions, or to help firefighters fight fires , among a multitude of uses for drone technology.

Providing surveillance for law enforcement agencies, aiding search & rescue missions, and helping firefighters, would be among a multitude of practical uses of my drone technology.

Green part: Saying "Drone technology" twice sounds very odd here.

Also, as jackieelynn said, you should elaborate.

Hope this helped! Best of luck, lapd_ray! :)

P.S: My interest is in Drones too :)
skriptkid   
Nov 28, 2013
Undergraduate / "You know who Mark Zuckerberg is? ; Central to identity [3]

Hey, everyone! This is my Common App essay and I'd be really grateful if you could review this and provide any kind of help/criticism.

My Prompt: "Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story."

My Essay:

CLS
PRINT "Welcome to QBASIC. Your wish is my command."
PRINT "Programming is fun."


That was the first QBASIC program - in fact, the first computer program - I had ever seen. "You know who Mark Zuckerberg is? The guy created this website called 'Facebook.' He's only twenty-three and he's world-famous! You start coding too. It will be hugely useful one day." My father had told this to me the previous night and I had promised him I'd try starting to program. So, you know the rest of the story, right? I was like one of those 80's and 90's kids who was introduced to coding in BASIC when (s)he was twelve, got fascinated, excelled at it, and became a popular geek at school. Well, not really. I hated QBASIC the first time I saw it. I hated that horrible blue screen with horrible grey text on it, with gibberish like, "MS-DOS," and "Debug." Every muscle in my arm yearned to hit that "X" button and go back to finishing that last level of Tony Hawk's Underground. The only reason I was reading that QBASIC tutorial, written by some guy called "Ted Felix," who apparently thought, "programming is fun," was because I didn't want to break my promise. So I told my muscles to relax for a while and continued to read. Three chapters into it, through operations, loops and logical statements, I gave up. This was way too uninteresting for me.

A few weeks later, my father showed me Fractal Art. "All this is done using programming?" "Yep." "No, really. This?! Using just programming??!!" "Absolutely." I was stunned. Both by the beauty of those fractal images and the inconceivable fact that the same ugly statements and words I had written on that blue screen a while back could produce works of such breathtaking resplendence and grandeur. "Okay. Tell me. How do I make these?" "Whoa! Slow down! It's all complex stuff. You need to learn the fundamentals first." I rushed to my computer to seek Ted Felix's help. That little moment was one of the turning points of my life. I started to learn programming, this time with wholehearted commitment. Immediately, I was pulled into a world that was so full of opportunities and challenges, and gradually, I fell in love with programming. This time, printing "Hello World" somehow seemed a hundred-fold more exciting. The prospect of explaining to a computer what I need it to do was astonishing. I would code for hours, many times late into the night, till I was shouted at to get off the computer. Making programs that asked your name and age, simple algorithms for a die experiment, username-password login systems, or games of hangman, propelled by logic and analysis that actually worked, often after several hours of brooding: All of this was priceless! There was never a shortage of ideas for new programs, and the thrill and sense of achievement when each of these was successfully executed was something I could get out of very few other things, one of which was not video games. I had found this wonderful medium which gave me massive freedom to express creativity and experiment on in ways I had never known, and I was not ready to let go.

So, now, five years later, programming is my deepest passion, something I've constantly found solace and happiness in.(Thanks to Ted.) This is my story, and this is the part of my life that has defined me and has been a driving force. "Geekazoid," "That Programmer Kid," (and sometimes "the guy who can fix my computer") - these form my identity now, among friends, family and community. Although I never really got around to learning to produce those advanced fractal images,(my interest shifted towards AI, Robotics and Networking,) I gained a powerful new skill, or, as Gabe Newell says, a superpower!

648 words. (650 is the word limit.)

Thanks a lot for your time! :)
skriptkid   
Nov 28, 2013
Undergraduate / Rutgers Essay - Living in New Jersey, Indian descent, Hindu, Boy Scout [2]

Hey! There are some errors I'd like to point out.

but during a short tenure of 6 months in Florida I wasn't surrounded by as much diversity.

except for a short tenure of 6 months in Florida when I wasn't surrounded by as much diversity

it was a very tough but great challenge

use either "very tough" or "challenging." Saying "it was a very tough but great challenge" isn't right.

them, for example;

them. For example,

roll

role :)

benefit significantly from my ingenuous attributes

"ingenious." Specify what those "ingenious attributes" are more clearly.

youth for this organization is the same devotion put into the Rutgers community.

youth of this organization is the same devotion I shall exhibit in the Rutgers community.

no other, irreplaceable.

with. The second I started volunteering

with. But, the second I started volunteering

a distinct individual like me

Sounds a bit like bragging. "an individual like me" would suffice.

Hope this helped!
Best of luck, desaik111! Hope you make it to Rutgers! :)
skriptkid   
Nov 28, 2013
Undergraduate / Rutgers U is a place that can help me to excel- Vibrant community [2]

Hey! There are a few grammatical errors and it would be better you corrected those.

where everyone wouldn't be the same race as me

where everyone wouldn't be OF THE same race as me.

and for me I wanted to know more about the Jewish culture

and I was to know more about the Jewish culture

of a contrasting culture

of contrasting cultures (since you're talking about two cultures here.)

a respect

respect (you don't use "a" with "respect")

As I do plan

As I plan

Hope this has helped!

Best of luck, renee1! Hope you make it into Rutgers! :)

P.S: If I've made any errors, please forgive me. I'm not a native English speaker.
skriptkid   
Nov 3, 2013
Undergraduate / How does it know what I'm looking for?; extracurricular activities / COMMON APP [5]

This is my prompt: "Briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences." Any feedback would be appreciated. Also, I'd like to know if I can use the same essay for the prompt: "Briefly describe which single activity listed in the Activity section of your Common Application represents your most meaningful commitment and why." (I know they're almost the same, but I just want to make sure.) Here's my essay,(about programming):

How does it know what I'm looking for? How does it interpret my thoughts and get whatever I want from wherever it is? And how do they make all this?" A baffled twelve-year-old, these were my questions to my father about Google, when I had just begun to use the World Wide Web. Technology was yet a labyrinth to me, and thus, seeking answers to a myriad of such questions about computers and technology, began my voyage into the ocean of Programming. Since then, programming has evolved into my deepest passion, something I have constantly found solace and happiness in. It has been a channel for my creativity, as a canvas to a painter, and has always held me fascinated with how modest lines of code have solved so many problems for mankind and have made our lives so much simpler. From the humbling BASIC program that said, "Hello World!" to the Python servers and crawlers running on my computer and the Arduino-controlled quadrocopter hovering around, the juggling of bits and bytes has given me noetic challenges, and the freedom to experiment and express ideas like nothing else has, and has made me a far more intellectually capable person than I would have been otherwise. Be it debugging a program for a friend in the computer science class, or making my math homework more efficient, every little thing in this journey has been euphoric.
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