Undergraduate / "a camper" - common app essay. really horrible 1st draft. [4]

College Essay

My contribution to the diversity in a college community is shown through my volunteering experience, affixed with my Indian heritage.
My volunteer experience at the Vraj Youth Camp in Pennsylvania helped me gain knowledge of how to be a responsible adult. Being a counselor, I had the responsibilities of helping the children with their needs such as waking them up in the morning or preparing their breakfast, lunch, or dinner. These responsibilities also help me prepare for college life if I end up having to dorm. Throughout my experience at camp, I also tried to instill in the children the various aspects and virtues of the Hindu religion that I learned while being a camper for 7 years. My understanding and familiarity with Indian culture, religion, ethics and arts could greatly add to the diverse environment of a college community.

During my 7 years as a camper at Vraj Youth Camp, I finally understood the questions that had befuddled me for the majority of my life. There was an incident at the camp during my first year as a counselor that made me realize that now it was my turn to instill in the young children as others had done before me. One of the campers asked me one day during the camp how it was when I was a camper. Being a camper all those years, I always looked forward to when I could become a counselor, like all those before me, and help the younger kids understand about religion. I finally became a counselor after my junior year in high school. This one child, barely the age of 10, asked me what it was like being a camper when I was one. I told him that being a camper was the best! I told him that it was better than being a counselor. I told the young one that while being a camper you can learn so much more about Hinduism and also have so much fun.

The diversity that I can bring to in a college community can benefit everybody to a great extent.

Undergraduate / 'Neal bhai' - your activities (150 words or less) common app [4]

"Hey Neal bhai! Can you come here and tell me how it was when you were a camper?" The first time I heard that, a feeling of happiness and importance came over me. I've been going to Vraj Youth Camp for the past 7 years. I had been a camper all those years and always looked forward to when I could become a counselor, like all those before me, and help the younger kids understand about religion. I finally became a counselor after my junior year in high school and I could say that it was one of the best experiences of my life. Instilling my memories of camp and what I learned all throughout my years at camp into these kids made me feel like I had a responsibility to them. Spending one week away from home and teaching kids who look up to you, I could do that.

Its exactly a 150 words.

Undergraduate / 'multifaceted culture' - Rutgers Undergraduate Admission; a vibrant community [7]

Hi i would like someone to review my essay.

I'd like to PM someone it rather then put it up but if you would rather i put it up i will.

thanks.