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Posts by Oneiromancer
Name: Henry Jin
Joined: Dec 12, 2013
Last Post: Dec 29, 2013
Threads: 3
Posts: 5  

From: United States of America
School: Branford High School

Displayed posts: 8
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Oneiromancer   
Dec 29, 2013
Undergraduate / 'Politics has always been...' "Tell us something about yourself/your perspective" [3]

General essay for Yale, Rice, Harvard... etc. with a 500 word limit. Feedback appreciated!

Politics has always been a controversial, if not discouraged interest within my family. Science and mathematics were dominant. Learning about the inner workings of chemical reactions or the derivative of a function f for all real numbers proved to triumph in importance over political controversy. However, as much as my parents had discouraged my involvement in politics, I nevertheless took to exploring major sociopolitical issues with a mind set on considering immediate and long term solutions to pressing matters. Through a long-fostered interest in public policy, I began forging my own mental connections between society and science, beholding a wondrous array of interaction.

Science, as a methodology and subject, encompasses so much application and connection to global issues that it demands relevance in other fields. I saw a potential for connection between scientific principles and legislation, constantly inquiring about science and technology based policies in research and education. Often times, I would find myself asking about how the material in the classroom connected with policy in the long run, with questions like, "Should the regulators of science and technology be educated as a prerequisite to serving policy?" and "What long-term implications will arise from what the men and women in Washington are doing for the scientific community?"

I managed to answer my own questions over time when participating in Model Congress. Through countless practice sessions with my fellow students, I conquered my fears of public speaking and debate to ardently defend the policies that I considered the most pressing. In the many conferences I attended, I defended a myriad of policies dealing with space, science, technology, energy and commerce. Most invigorating, however, was the process of drafting legislation. A thorium-based nuclear power initiative was my signature bill, where I dedicated nearly two months' time to exploring research, debate and issues regarding the history and mechanics of nuclear power. It wasn't an obvious conclusion for me to initially draw that thorium-based power plants are more efficient for power generation given the current costs of its processing. However, substantial promises of less nuclear waste, safer operations, and a near impossibility of nuclear proliferation struck a note within me. I swiftly penned a bill to, under a congressional simulation, fund and execute an expansion of nuclear power with the interest of promoting thorium as an alternative fuel.

I always keep a habit of pondering about the distant future, and how present policies and decisions will affect society over time. To think of future generations and the unique challenges that will surface inspire me to explore further, constantly seeking to satiate an appetite for knowledge that has grown immeasurably over the years. I continue to follow present policy and politics, and constantly lose myself in thought over how humanity can satisfy its own demands.
Oneiromancer   
Dec 29, 2013
Grammar, Usage / Grammatical errors in this sentence [15]

I'd suggest changing "however" to "likewise," or something that agrees with rather than disagrees with the previous sentence.
Oneiromancer   
Dec 26, 2013
Undergraduate / WHY DUKE SUPP- Pratt School of Engineering- puzzles [4]

I'd suggest bridging the gap further between the Science Olympiad and your early memories of puzzle solving. You refer to the puzzle aspect in the beginning and end, but the center portion seems to jump a bit for someone who might not make those immediate connections.
Oneiromancer   
Dec 25, 2013
Undergraduate / University of Pennsylvania Supplement - "Why you are a good fit for your school choice" [9]

I'm applying RD for Penn Engineering, and have a word limit of 650 to work with.

I'm most unsure about the last two paragraphs, though I don't know exactly where to begin with editing. Any feedback is wholly appreciated!

Prompt: The Admissions Committee would like to learn why you are a good fit for your undergraduate school choice (College of Arts and Sciences, School of Nursing, The Wharton School, or Penn Engineering). Please tell us about specific academic, service, and/or research opportunities at the University of Pennsylvania that resonate with your background, interests, and goals. (400-650 words)

Penn as an institution is fueled by an unparalleled dedication to social responsibility. As a firm believer that pragmatism, service and application must accompany an education, Penn's connections to the Philadelphia and worldwide community naturally attract me. With countless Penn-based service initiatives, such as CommuniTech's commitment to green computing and Penn's Engineers without Borders chapter's (PennEWB) work to expand global technological accessibility, I am awed by the variety and volume of citizenship in the Penn student body. Inspired by the enthusiasm that fuels these programs, I will likely find myself using my background in science and computer studies to volunteer, helping young students to access the bountiful resources of technology and programming. Barring that, I will search unceasingly to extend classroom material and practical scientific applications to humanity's benefit in any form possible. There is, quite simply, no other school like Penn Engineering that inspires such a high level of service in its students.

The highly inter-disciplinary nature of a Penn Engineering is astounding. The freedom of students to take courses in all of Penn's 12 schools is something that I plan to take full advantage of, forging an education of practical science with a very strong connection to the arts and sciences. Such are the components of a truly useful education, for I hold that only breadth in one's undergraduate experience can truly prepare a student for the future challenges in science and engineering that must be resolved.

The breadth of Penn's education is evident in its student-run activities, particularly in the Penn model congress program. As a delegate in the 2013 conference in the Commerce, Science and Transportation committee, I debated policy dealing with research and technological endeavors before two chairs, one a mechanical engineering student, the other a bioengineering student. The energy with which they conducted the committee sessions was unparalleled, and encouraged me to combine my passions of science and politics to fuel discussion over the most pressing issues of energy, space and sustainability with a cooperative spirit. My fellow delegates during that time had passed a plethora of resolutions expand thorium-based power, reduce space waste, and promote new developments in scientific education. The heavy involvement of Penn Engineering students in Model Congress truly astonished me as the perfect exhibit of how Penn bridges the gaps between the applied sciences and politics, bringing together multiple areas of study to inspire cooperative and meaningful action. I savored the dynamic experience of model congress in my short half-week stay at the Inn at Penn, and I believe that I can both contribute and thrive in the spirit of interdisciplinary fervor which permeates campus.

Cooperation and breadth at Penn are similarly evident in the bounty of exciting research projects and opportunities at Penn Engineering. I am particularly intrigued by the Penn Center for Energy Innovation, or "Pennergy", for its mission of expanding the use of sustainable and renewable energy. Its research in the application of solar energy is nothing short of groundbreaking, and captivates me, enticing me to partake in the active research environment that Penn so proudly provides. The bonds that I may ultimately develop with fellow students and faculty through discovery in research are sure to be lasting.

Apart from the sciences, however, I am certain to fully explore life at Penn as a passionate learner. Over eight years of violin study and performance will compel me to join the ranks of Penn's symphony orchestra, and a natural appreciation of politics will inevitably draw me to Penn Model Congress as a committee chair. No matter where I find myself among the student body at Penn Engineering, I am confident that I will add to the vibrant environment that the university fosters.
Oneiromancer   
Dec 25, 2013
Grammar, Usage / "The" - quick question on capitalization [6]

The sentence could be saying that it stretched to the northwest of England, or north to west of England.

If I understand the sentence correctly, "North to the west of England" would work perfectly well.

So "Apenin stretched to the northwest of England" or "Apenin stretched to the north, west of England" are my two suggestions depending on your intended meaning.
Oneiromancer   
Dec 21, 2013
Grammar, Usage / Grammatical errors in this sentence [15]

For a concise introduction/statement, consider,

"Students should choose whether to study global news."

Others I can come up with:

"The student must ultimately decide whether to study global news."
"Students are entitled to a choice in deciding to study global news."
Oneiromancer   
Dec 12, 2013
Undergraduate / (Inspiration through Defeat) - Common app: Prompt 2/Failure [2]

Hello. I'm looking over my essay, but can't say that I'm too happy with it after writing it several weeks ago, any suggestions to rework it? It doesn't seem specific enough to me, but some other concerns may pop up.

Prompt: Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?

Inspiration through Defeat

The Scripps National Spelling Bee is a beautiful demonstration of how the winner does not take all, contrary to the common adage. When I participated in 2010 bee, I was speller number 30, representing the State of Connecticut, sitting in a Washington DC Grand Hyatt hotel auditorium eagerly awaiting the announcement of the semifinalists. Only fifty high scorers out of the nearly three hundred contestants would qualify for the semifinals according to the results of three preliminary rounds of spelling: one fifty-word written test, and two oral rounds.

Three officials, gathered at a podium before the audience, began to announce the semifinalists by their numbers. I listened intently, hoping desperately to be called as number by number passed by in constant rhythm. When the last number was announced without mine, my heart sank. I knew then that I would not proceed to the semifinals. My elimination from the bee came from my own shortcomings; I had misspelled "bouleversement," "tutelage" and "remittance" on the written test, all of which I had confidently committed to memory in my preparations. Worse yet, had I been the slightest bit more careful, the outcome could have been entirely different as one more correct word would have qualified me for the semifinals. Such a realization haunted me, as the prospect of losing from my own carelessness shattered my confidence. Despite my collected composure in spelling "gnathothorax" and "prenuptial" in the vocal rounds after a solid two months of preparation, my blunder in the written exam was what eventually caused my defeat.

In the hours that followed, the continuous announcement of spellers' numbers rang through my head like an earworm. It was a constant reminder of my defeat, as if my efforts up until that point had been for naught. But a conversation with my parents in the hotel room shortly after helped to shift my perspective. They emphasized the importance of what I had done in preparation for the bee over the outcome. The tone of optimism they introduced brought a sense of satisfaction to my then disappointed state of mind.

I eventually treated the loss with everything but bitterness, as I focused on the positives that transpired from the bee. Learning and memorizing the spellings of myriads of words in the English language instilled within me an unquenchable thirst for knowledge. In spite of my defeat, I've learned to better appreciate my studies and learning in general. Moreover, the work and preparation for the bee strengthened my initiative to take on future challenges. My academic obstacles became opportunities for discovery; a literary passage in an English class soon became an outlet for personal contemplation, and mathematical challenges became truly playful endeavors. Most enlightening to me, however, were the amalgamations of borrowed Greek roots that formed infinitely long and astounding scientific terms. Everything from "pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis", a gargantuan term for a lung disease, to "otorhinolaryngology", a discipline of ear, nose and throat medicine, seemed so masterfully constructed from such a limited pool of terms, with an order to the chaos surrounding it all. Such order had sparked a keen interest in the sciences within me, pushing me to uncover what meaning lay behind each construction. Every term I encountered in the spelling bee presented a portal to a yet undiscovered realm. To this day, I am constantly inspired by wanderlust to explore those portals in an effort to satisfy my thirst for knowledge.

Ultimately, I learned to cherish the process over the outcome, growing to understand the importance of optimism in the wake of negatives. The skills and knowledge I acquired from the bee have enabled me to take on future challenges with a newfound attitude of confidence and determination; such an attitude outlasts the impact of any victory or defeat.
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