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Posts by violethoang
Name: Nhięn Hoŕng
Joined: Dec 13, 2013
Last Post: Jan 4, 2015
Threads: 2
Posts: 5  
Likes: 1
From: Viet Nam
School: University of Economics and Law

Displayed posts: 7
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violethoang   
Jan 4, 2015
Writing Feedback / The two illustrations show Coca-cola Company's percentage of sales in a pie graph [4]

The two illustrations show Coca-cola Conpany's percentage of sales (where? which countries?) in a pie graph and share price in a line graph from year 1996 to 2001.

The pie chart shows that among these(have you ever mentioned any countries above, if yes, you can say "these"countries) namely,.... Idon't think that you can say 'these countries, namely...".

Also, I think you should try to look up for some sample answers in Cambridge IELTS books, you will find out this report essays really need overview which you missed in your essay.

On the other hand, for the next post, please include the chart and the requirement also.

violethoang   
Jan 2, 2015
Writing Feedback / Waste Disposal Method, destroying dangerous waste products - Pie charts [4]

The pie charts below show how dangerous waste products are dealt with in three countries.

The pie charts compare the amount of harmful waste products managed using 5 different methods, namely recycling, incineration, underground, chemical treatment and dumping at sea in three countries.

It is clear that there are only three ways used to deal with dangerous useless products in South Korea and Sweden, while harmful waste output in the UK is managed by using 4 different types of methods. The proportion of those products managed using underground waste disposal method in the UK is the highest number in all three countries.

In the UK, the largest proportion of dangerous waste products, 82% is managed by underground solution. Also, over half of those products are dealt with by using the same way in Sweden, compared to only 22% of those waste output in South Korea. On the other hand, recycling solution contributes to over two-thirds of South Korea's dangerous waste management methods, while there is only 25% of those waste output is recycled in Sweden.

The least common form of destroying dangerous waste products is using fire in South Korea, Sweden and the UK, about 9%, 20%, 22% of those products respectively. The figures for the UK's dangerous waste output are managed by using chemical treatment and dumping at sea are about 8% each.

-----------Thank you!-----------
Violet.




violethoang   
Nov 1, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS - despite the obstacles found in the new place, traveller could obtain some new experiences [6]

them

Travelling is one therapy for some people in order to refresh them(no need Object here) from their daily activities. It is true that people prefer to spend their holiday time(no need, neither) in a new and unique place, while others prefer to travel to a famous or common place. Although both choices could bring merits and demerits, I strongly convince( I think you should use "agree", "convince" is a strong word, it's hard to use with adverb like "strongly") that travelling to a new place is always funnier and more challenging than travelling to familiar places.

Most people choose to travel in famous place usually visit such as mall(mall? Its like super market ? I don't understand you clearly with this sentence. I think familiar places should be some places they have been there before and it should be a attractive place for tourists, i.e: beach where they have been there for 3 or 4 times, near their places and also famous). Indeed, it is more practice; they do not have to prepare heavily due to the fact that it is a common place that yo u extremely know ( they = you on same situation?). On the other hand, travelling in a new and different place will place you in the unpredictable situation. Therefore, people need to be prepare more ( examples for this will make this sentence clearer) because those people do not know well yet the situation and condition at that new place.

However, travelling in a new and different place always brings us unpredictable and new experiences, while travelling in a familiar place sounds like a little bit boring trip. Travelling in an unpredictable place indeed will make us more tired, but it is more challenging. Are people having holiday to go out from their daily boring activities?( familiar places are not daily places because they need to travel and they are on holiday not weekend)(Also, I think question sentence in here did not convince any thing, you should give more specific examples to make your point clear rather than questions. Furthermore, You should not use question in essay, its five but its too risky) So, I believe that the obstacles found in the new place could bring some wonderful experiences that could never be forgotten. (model verb will be better if you are not 100% sure about that)

To conclude, despite the obstacles found in the new place(2 times for this phrases will never show your vocabulary range, there are many ways to rephrase it with the same idea.) , traveller could obtain some new experiences. In addition, people also could explore their knowledge by visiting the place where only a few people live and visit in there. In the other hand, visiting new places in holiday times could outweigh benefits based on my point of view.

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I hope this will help you. I am a student and I will take IELTS test this Decem. Good luck.
violethoang   
Aug 21, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS - dramatic increase in the number of Japanese people travelling abroad - Bar chart, Line Graph [5]

Hi! This is my first post in this forum. Please help me and I will try to help back as hard as I can.
Just call me Vi
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This question is from Official IELTS practice test book 1 - Test 1 - Academic Writing 1
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The bar chart shows figures for Japanese visitors travelling abroad from 1985 to 1995, while the line graph compares the percentage of these travelers visited Australia in the same period.

As can be seen from the data that there was a dramatic increase in the number of Japanese people travelling abroad. Throughout the period, more and more Japanese tourists cam to Australia which contributed to the increase of the number mentioned above.

Over the 5 years after 1985, the number of people from Japan travelling abroad increase steadily about 4 millions visitors. However, there was a slight fluctuation in the popularity of Japanese travelling abroad between 1990 and 1993. After this period, the figure for Japanese abroad tourists continued to rise gradually from 12 million visitors in 1993 to 15 million visitors in 1995.

Similarly, according to the line graph, 2% of Japanese visited Australia in 1985 and this proportion raise at least 2 times to 5% in 1989. The percentage of Japanese tourists visited Australia saw a slightly decline in 1990 and then it reached a highest point of 6% in 1994.

(183 words)
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Questions:
1. How I can replace the phrase "Japaneses tourist travelling abroad"?
2. Are the words I used enough for band 7?
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Thank you guys so much!




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