Writing Feedback / TOEFL; What is the most important room for you? playstation in my bedroom [3]

When you evaluate my essay, please say about flow of sentences.In other words, are they well connected,do you understand clearly what I'm saying, is there any confussing part or words?How many points I can get from this essay in Toefl? points range 1-5...Thank you so much

When you look at your possesions, you can realize that some of the possesions are more important than rest of them for you.This possesions can include your car, computer, furnitures, books, jewelry and so on.This explanation is also available for rooms of your house.I think one of the rooms is more important for you.From my point of view, my bedroom is essential than other rooms in my house for me, because I feel relaxed, it is also my studying room and it is entertainment room for me.

First of all, after hard day's work, as soon as I come from my workplace to my home, I go to my bedroom.There is a bed that very relaxing for me.When I reach my room, I lay in my bed and I watch television.All of the working stress don't effect me badly and I feel less stressed.Also my bedroom is the most silent room in my house.There is no car's horn or street noise which are very disturbing things for sleeping, so I can sleep deeply especially in sunday's morning.

Secondly, my bedroom is also my studying room.There is big bookshelves that include a lot books such as my highschool and university course books and novels.If there is a technical problem with my work, I look at them and I learn in easy way.I said easy way because when all of the books become reachable for me, I spend more time to look at them and study them.Moreover,there is my desk and my computer in my bedroom.Therefore, I can get deeply understanding of my problems when I make research from my computer.

Finally, my bedroom is my entertainment world.There is a led tv on the wall of the my room.It's visual effect has great influence on me.For example, when I lay on my bed at nights, I make connection of the sound system to television. When I watch films, thanks to both visual effect of television and high sound quality of sound system,I feel excited.Furthermore, there is playstation 3 in my bedroom.Sometimes I call my friends to play playstation games in my bedroom.Especially, making football tournovers with your friends is very enjoyable.

To sum up, although there are very important room in my house such as saloon, kitchen and sitting room, I strongly believe that my bedroom is essential for me because of the reasons which I mention in the above.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL - 'you don't spend a lot of money' - the best way to travel is in group led by tour guide [3]

When you make a travel plan, the most important aspect of this planning is to make a decision about the your partner during the travelling.Some people think that they feel more relax and less stress when they make travel by alone.However, as far as I' m concerned, the best way to travel is with the group and also a tour guide who direct the group, because you spend less money during the travel, you can overcome difficulties of travel easily and you live more efficient time in the travel.

First of all, when you make travel with the group led by a tour guide, you don't spend a lot of money.Especially in the abroad travelling, people prefer to go to museum to learn culture of country which they visit and visiting these museum is very expensive for individuals.However, when you go to travel with the group, some curators carry out discounting for visiting museums and it can be very cheap. This advantage also is available when group go to restaurants.Moreover, if there is a tour guide, he or she knows everything about museums, restaurants, city tours which are attractive for people.Therefore even if you don't know about attractive places, you can learn in very short time thanks to tour guide.

Secondly, when you move with the group and tour guide, you can overcome some difficulties of travelling.Maybe, lifestyle of country that you visit is very different from your lifestyle.If you don't know this lifestyle, you have difficulties to overcome.At this point, tour guide is the most beneficial person for you to learn this lifestyle.For example, I assume that you are a scottish male person and you like to wear skirt.But when you go to islamic countries and wear skirt, you can have some hard times.Also, when you go to foreign country and if you don't know language of this country, tour guide can translate everything for you.

Finally, you spend more enjoyful times with the group and tour guide.When you feel stress, you can talk with the anybody from the group and feel less stress.The more important aspect is tour guide know route and all transportation modes, so you don't need to spend your time in finding your ways.Tour guides can direct you and your group and you can reach places which you want to get around.Last but not least, when you move with the group and tour guide, you don't lose your way and in all travelling time you don't spend your time for finding way.

To sum up,although some people opt to travel by alone, I prefer to travel with the group that is leading by tour guide because of reasons which I mention in the above.

Writing Feedback / Toefl; Self studying or studying with a teacher? [4]

Some people think that they can learn better by themselves than with a teacher. Others think that it is always better to have a teacher. Which do you prefer?

Learning is very important thing for people but the more important thing is learning ways.These ways provide to people to learn about something in easy way, so make a decision about the learning way is a crucial point.In this point, there are 2 ways to learn effectively.Although some people think that the first way which learning with the teacher is better than second way which learning by themselves, I think second way is better, because people have to make more research, they can develop their own strategy and they are more determined persons.

First of all, if someone choose the second way of learning, he or she has to make more research.There is nobody to help to her or him to learn effectively,so they has to make research to learn or to get a deeply understanding about topic that they want to learn.They make their research as they use internet, download podcast and articles. They have to read and listen them deeply to understand these. Also they can go to library to find materials if they don't find materials in internet.On the other hand, if they choose the first way, teachers give these materials to them, so they don'2 learn hot to make research.Therefore, they will learn how to make research and to get a understanding how is the difficult to make it.

Secondly, they can develop their strategies by themselves.Although some teachers are very experienced and very talented to teach lessons, sometimes their strategy is not as good as their talent.At this point, people who want to learn by themselves develop their own strategy.They improve new steps to solve problems such as in mathematic problems.Furthermore because they invent new steps, they memorize their step and they carry out these steps on problems fastly.Therefore, they can be more fast than teachers.

Last but not least, people who learn by themselves are more determined persons.Due to the fact that they don't take anybody's help, they can get bad results from examinations,so they realized that they have make more study and more research.They learn how to get good results from examination.Also when they make falses, they don't be upset and afraid of their wrongs, because they know that they will overcome these difficulties.In other words, they learn new something from their falses.

To sum up, although whether learning is better with teacher or by themselves is debated by many people, I strongly believe that people can learn better by themselves because of reason which I mentioned in the above.

Writing Feedback / Teenagers have job while they are still student; bad effects on their education [9]

Some periods of life are more valuable than rest of the life.Especially young ages are the most enjoyful and important life stage for people, so evaluating these ages is crucial point for teenagers.However, some teenagers have jobs while they are student.I think this is a bad idea, because this situation has bad effects on education life, social life and healthy life of teenagers.

First of all, education life is the most important thing of teenagers, because their career and future life is assigned by education which they have received.They have to focus on their lesson to get good future life.As long as they have jobs while they are student, they can not follow the courses regularly,so they don't pass their examinations,therefore they can not get high GPA.This is very important, because GPA has high percentage of student's points which is necessary to go to good university,so it effects the student's university choice.Maybe teenagers rescue the present days as they work, on the other hand they can not rescue their future life if they go to bad university.

Secondly, their social life is affected badly if they work when they're student.They have no time to make social activities such as meeting their friends, go to gym center and so on.Due to the fact that both they work and study, they have no free time, so they don't live enjoyful ages.In future times, they will be regret.For example, If you ask to septeuagenarians who worked in past times when they were student, they say that they are very regretful because of not living their most enjoyful times.

Finally, health life of teenagers are very sensitive, because they improve their mental health and physical health in young ages.They should not be exhausted and ill easily.Teenagers who both study and work at the same time, they have no time to have a rest, so they inclined to be ill.When they are ill, resilince time of them is slowing and they can not continue to their life.The more important thing is to have more serious diseases such as hearth diseases, bloodstreaming at slow speed and so on.Because of the risky life of working, they will have these kind of disease in their future time and will die at young ages.

To sum up, I don't agree with the assertation that teenagers have jobs while they are students, because this has bad effects on their education,social and healty life which I mention in the above.