Undergraduate / I had the idea to rebuild my entire syste - MIT admissions question- significant challenge [5]

I like this essay...it focuses way more on substance than style. I think that maybe some more personal reflections would be warranted, but MIT only gives you like 200 words or so; thus, this makes the cut really well.

Scholarship / Letter Of Appeal for IMPORTANT Scholarship (assistance to complete my three years) [2]

I would perhaps write it like this:

To members of the PRISM scholarship committee,

Given my engagements with collegiate softball at Savannah State University, I was unable to attend three of the the five meetings required to keep my PRISM scholarship. I understand my actions and their consequences; however, I would like to reaffirm my commitment to the mission of this scholarship and my involvement within my collegiate community with the principles of Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics (STEM).

Please consider a probationary period for me to return to the schedule required by the PRISM scholarship. I was unable to attend the meetings not out of carelessness or a lack of commitment but out of scheduling conflicts with softball. In addition, I can complete my mentoring log and return to speed. Without this PRISM scholarship, I cannot continue by education at Savannah State University and will be forced to drop out. This will conflict with my further plans to continue on to earn my Masters Degree in Electrical Engineering.

Given my involvement with STEM activities in the past, I am confident that I can continue to serve in the spirit of the PRISM scholarship and am willing to work on your terms to continue my scholarship, especially as I will realign my focus from softball back towards my required activities and academic requirements for this scholarship. While I have had a rough and hectic athletic season, I will work harder around my schedule to meet the requirements of the PRISM program.

Thank you for your time and consideration.
Tia Bolden

Undergraduate / I believe NYIT will help me achieve what I dreamed of when I was young [2]

It was at that moment , not "it's at that moment", since you were referring to a point in the past.

I don't believe you have to put machine in quotations as much. In fact, I'd prefer if you did not refer to the computer as a machine at all. The first sentence of the second paragraph is pretty rough with all the commas. In addition, you are not consistent in your acronym of NYiT (NYIT or NYIT?).