The day when my cousin bought a laptop for college, I was 7 years old. Flames of curiosity rose within me at the sight of this "machine", this compact machine with myriad functions, and it's at that moment, my inner powder keg exploded and I got the initiation. I want to know more about the "machine" and someday lead a greater path to this technology before me. Thus, is why I am applying to NYIT, because I believe NYIT will help me achieve what I dreamed of when I was young.
Being just a dreamer, one is just fantasizing, I need to take action, but I lack the environment that can place a standing block under my tip toed feet in desperation to achieve. I believe NYIT will place the standing block and help me reach for my goal. I can shoot higher, I have faith in myself and my future, for I am the type of person that says he will give up but never does, because deep inside I find nothing is impossible, there is a way of everything, one just need the knowledge, and I can put my trust game in NYIT's hands, because at NYIT, is where I will find the knowledge to overwrite the "impossible" into "possible".
To pursue my dream, I use the "machine", which now have access to the world's largest encyclopedia, the internet, to write knowledge into my own internal hard drive. The Powder Keg that exploded during my childhood lit the fuse of another, and every day I wonder where the next explosion is going to take place, I strongly believe NYIT will help me find my answer. My ambition flames up by the second, my desire to become a computer engineer grows. I have always loved the field of tech, and wish that my future job reside in the field, I believe NYIT can add fire to the already lit fuse.
It was at that moment , not "it's at that moment", since you were referring to a point in the past.
I don't believe you have to put machine in quotations as much. In fact, I'd prefer if you did not refer to the computer as a machine at all. The first sentence of the second paragraph is pretty rough with all the commas. In addition, you are not consistent in your acronym of NYiT (NYIT or NYIT?).
