Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by OneStorytoTell
Name: David Becker
Joined: Dec 20, 2013
Last Post: Dec 24, 2013
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  
From: United States of America
School: USC

Displayed posts: 5
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OneStorytoTell   
Dec 24, 2013
Undergraduate / I have good news for you buddy; Letter to your Future Room-mate ; Stanford [6]

Well,in order to catch Admission members attention you have to be unique. Those people read tons of essay and they are very bored. An interesting writing will catch their attention and if your essay stops on their eye, you will have high chance getting in. So do you have a unique trait or characteristic that is rare and no others have, if so include it
OneStorytoTell   
Dec 23, 2013
Undergraduate / Background story - Coming to America [3]

Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

Please make corrections harshly and if you can find strong vocabulary for the word I have please mention so I can replace it. This is the essay I send to all of the college so I want it perfectly. Thank you so much for all of you who made corrections in advance. Effort really appricieated!!!!

It was just few days before Thanksgiving. Some chilling winds softly blew against my face and the temperature -couple degrees below ordinary - didn't feel like it belonged to the season of November. My whole body felt sort of numbness from sitting on the plane for unusually long period of time. I just flew fifteen hours of flight from Narita (Japanese National Airport) to Ronald Reagan (Airport in Washington D.C.). I was still excited from seeing the Washington Monument and the White House from the rectangular window of the plane while still on the sky. I finally felt arriving to U.S. just because I saw national symbols that represented America even though the plane already had flew into U.S air space five hours ago. My mom told me that the person who is going to pick us up from the airport is stuck on traffic, so we will be spending few hours in the airport. I was stroke by irresistible feeling to spend U.S currency when I saw few quarters in my mom's hand. I asked her if I can buy something with the money she has and she told me to buy drinks for my sister too. I clearly remember what I said to the lady over the counter till this day. I asked her if she can give me a "Coca-Cola". When she asked what size, I didn't know the word medium, so I used my hands to express what size I wanted. That was the first English I spoke to an American.

If I recount that incident, it was nearly five years ago. Other than knowing only names of few famous international brands, I completely didn't know how to speak English. Thanks to god Coca-Cola being the universal language. The first school I enrolled, fortunately, had special English program for foreign new comers. In the classroom, the teacher taught us the most basic English from alphabets to greetings. The classroom was like the one in the kindergarten. Not only because it was beautifully embellished, but only the simplest English words fly across the room. Even with the simplest English she taught us, I struggled learning it. At the time, I already spoke three languages: Japanese, Chinese, and French. Somehow, I thought I was a genius with languages but English totally stroke me back. The grammars were the mirror of the languages I learned. I remember my English teacher being very proud when I said, "I love Japanese food" instead of what I usually said to her "Japanese food I love."

After spending a year, I and my family moved to a different state. The high school I was about to join only had ESOL program and asked me if I wanted to join, if so plan to take a test to prove that I am ready for the level. When I gave that English proficiency exam, I thought it was hard. There were no ABC I learned in previous school on it, instead words like tremble and bizarre. Of course that being the hardest part of the test, I still passed the exam. I was officially enrolled into public school with regular kids raised in the U.S. I was welcomed by the students but I couldn't respond them back properly with the shallow English vocabulary I knew. Day after day, my English vocabulary steadily increased. I remember being so happy the first time I got honor added to my English class on my sophomore year. That same year, I also began to take Spanish.

Few weeks ago, I again had to prove my English proficiency for the colleges I'm applying. Only difference is, this time, I said with full satisfaction, "It was easy." Most people amazed by the story I tell them. Although English comes to them as snap of a finger, I have to go through a lot of translation in my head. This essay demonstrates what I have learned over the past four years. The trip I made and path I took certainly identifies me. Isn't life all about choices? If anyone asks me "Are you glad you came to America?" I would answer without hesitation "It was the best choice I've made".
OneStorytoTell   
Dec 23, 2013
Undergraduate / I have good news for you buddy; Letter to your Future Room-mate ; Stanford [6]

There are many Ronaldos in Brazil. It is a difficult reference for somebody who doesnt know soccer. It would be good if added "Brazilian number 9 Ronaldo" or simply "Brazilian soccer player Ronaldo".

I think it would be better if you dont judge others even by personality. Other than that I think you made the impression.
OneStorytoTell   
Dec 20, 2013
Undergraduate / CAMCORDER; UVA essay - Small funded engineering project [3]

Please dont hesistate to correct every single mistake I made. Thank you in advance.

If you were given funding for a small engineering project, what would you do? (250)

Have you ever experienced an unwonted moment and wish you could deliver the excitement to others but no one would believe you? You would need a firm evidence to prove you just saw a Santa on the sled with his big bag of presents. It is obvious people can't carry camcorder with them all the time, and even if they did, it would be too late to start recording after the amazing has happened. If I were given fund for an engineering project, I would develop a camcorder that can record the images from the past so people would never miss their baby's first step.

The experiences of developing and programming skills I learned would help me to develop a system that would continuously dump older memory and replace the space with incoming new ones. This will allow the camcorder to record live videos nonstop and once the button is pressed, the past couple minutes of memory consisting past images would be sent to designated location. The camera will be available both in small size so it can be attached on glasses or exclusive built in glasses.

Not only preventing people from missing great moments, but the camcorder would also help law enforcement to have substantive evidences. The law enforcements, finally, would be able to see from "eyes" of the witness. The amazing stuff happens anywhere at any time unexpectedly. Only imagine my funded camcorder project will let people enjoy the most of what happen to them.
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