Writing Feedback / IELTS: The three-column figure illustrates a survey of 1000 teenagers [3]

Hello everybody, I'm preparing for IELTS test, would you be kind to take a look and review my essay below? Thank you very much. :)

The three-column figure illustrates a survey of 1000 teenagers in five countries in which they were asked about what age young people should have certain rights and responsibilities.

As can be seen form the graph, Japanese adolescents perceived 23 as the most appropriate age for marriage. In the US and UK, young people believed that 18-year-old peope were able to get married. Meanwhile, Mexican and Egyptian adolescents believed people could marry at younger age, 15 and 16 respectively.

In terms of voting and criminal responsibility, Japanese young peole believed people above 18 can bear the responsibilities. Interestingly, in the USA, 18-year-old people were perceived having the rights to vote; however, 12-year-old children must be in charge of criminality. Young Mexicans, Britians thought young people could vote at the age of 16 and could hold accountable for criminality at the age of 15. Eventually, in Egypt, the age gap between people voting and bearing criminal responsibilities was bigger.

In brief, Japanese young people thought older people were entitled to marry, vote and take criminality than others.

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Writing Feedback / Education & Individual Development & Well-being of societies [2]

Topic: It is generally believed that education is of vital importance to individual development and the well-being of societies. What should education consist of to fulfill both these functions?

Unarguably, primitive times witness the great influences of education in human's lives. That what people should be taught to not only make themselves develop but also the whole society is still a debate. In this essay, there will be solutions to this issue.

First of all, to improve individuals' development, children should be taught to be competitive. For instance, there will be schools for gifted, those who have ability will be entitled to study there. Students will push themselves to their limit to fight with each other to get into these schools. Therefore, it is their own abilities will grow up. However, talented people will be unevenly spread in our society. Dangerously, people will have a tendency to become selfish, they will not pay attention to anyone but themselves, which can reduce human interaction.

On the other hand, education can include cooperation. For example, schools will organize teamwork experiments. Students have to work with each other to do these. Therefore, students can join individual strength, which can aid their performance. Moreover, they will be able to react to conflicts occurring and blend in social network quickly. Besides, they will depend on others and don't know how to make it on their own.

In a nutshell, it is certainly the case that we should mingle teamwork and competitive attitudes together to get a fulfillment of individual development and our country prosperity.