ByTheWay23
Jan 2, 2014
Undergraduate / My place or environment - Tumbler come to life - Common App [5]
I like the first essay better. Both are good though
I like the first essay better. Both are good though
ByTheWay23
Jan 2, 2014
Undergraduate / Complimenting my personality and professional ambitions - UPENN Supplement Essay [2]
Good stuff.
Positive: Well written , good grammar good content , good integrating your experience.
Nitpicking
"Wharton has the resources, for instance their over 225 faculty members, "
You'd be better off complimenting the quality of the faculty rather than the number
Good stuff.
Positive: Well written , good grammar good content , good integrating your experience.
Nitpicking
"Wharton has the resources, for instance their over 225 faculty members, "
You'd be better off complimenting the quality of the faculty rather than the number
ByTheWay23
Jan 2, 2014
Undergraduate / Biology and Economics major. The Ideal School for Me - Carnegie Mellon Supplement [3]
Good job. its a bit brief , but succinct and the grammar is good.
The last paragraph is a bit confusing. Are you imagining the future? That wasn't clear on the first read.
The link between medicine and economics is really tenuous is your essay. You would be better off saying it would help develop reasoning/quantitative skills that can help doctors.
Good job. its a bit brief , but succinct and the grammar is good.
The last paragraph is a bit confusing. Are you imagining the future? That wasn't clear on the first read.
The link between medicine and economics is really tenuous is your essay. You would be better off saying it would help develop reasoning/quantitative skills that can help doctors.
ByTheWay23
Dec 29, 2013
Graduate / "Seek and thou shall find"; SOP for MS-CS/Electonics [5]
Good essay. It seems like your material is mostly Ok. In terms of content I would not mention high school and things like "world renowned training campus" come off a bit self-aggrandizing (I would just put training campus).
I would narrow down what research area you specifically are interested in instead of going for a laundry list of the labs at SUNY. I would shy away from the cliche quotes Your prose is good and your material is strong , and they stand well on their own
Good essay. It seems like your material is mostly Ok. In terms of content I would not mention high school and things like "world renowned training campus" come off a bit self-aggrandizing (I would just put training campus).
I would narrow down what research area you specifically are interested in instead of going for a laundry list of the labs at SUNY. I would shy away from the cliche quotes Your prose is good and your material is strong , and they stand well on their own
ByTheWay23
Dec 28, 2013
Graduate / SOP-Graduate Essay- PhD- Materials Science (biomaterilas/biomedical) [5]
Good stuff. I was just about to mention the stuff about your research interestes and who you pan to work with , but I see you've added that.
I would be wary of mentioning things like GPA (they already have your transcript and resume so they know that).
"focused my researches"
should be "focused my research" (research is already plural)
Good stuff. I was just about to mention the stuff about your research interestes and who you pan to work with , but I see you've added that.
I would be wary of mentioning things like GPA (they already have your transcript and resume so they know that).
"focused my researches"
should be "focused my research" (research is already plural)
ByTheWay23
Dec 28, 2013
Graduate / SoP for MS Computer Engineering in a US University [6]
Great job.
Related your experience and life situation to what what you want to do , shared your goals for your career and related them to the degree and the university. grammar and sentence structure is good and it flows well.
I would advise perhaps having more detail on how teh program suits your needs well, even though what you have is pretty solid.
Great job.
Related your experience and life situation to what what you want to do , shared your goals for your career and related them to the degree and the university. grammar and sentence structure is good and it flows well.
I would advise perhaps having more detail on how teh program suits your needs well, even though what you have is pretty solid.
ByTheWay23
Dec 28, 2013
Graduate / Personal statement -Application for Aerospace engineering program [2]
My name is XXX. I intend to get a Master's degree to achieve my goals of growing as a researcher and challenging myself intellectually with research problems. Find new answers to research problems.
The first time I seriously considered research was my sophomore year. I saw a presentation from a research engineer from Sandia national labs. She spoke about her experience in materials science and her research. She spoke about her academic history, studying aerospace engineering at Texas A &m with a focus on materials science. She spoke about the all the research projects she had the opportunity to be part of. I was particularly interested in this large, interdisciplinary project she had participated in to create next generation prosthetics using piezoelectric materials. I was fascinated by the autonomy she had to work with projects within and outside of aerospace and the variety of projects she had worked on. I was impressed at how she worked with international colleague from different disciplines and based in different nations to relate her designs. Her job resounded more strongly with me than any of the other speakers I had seen, so I knew I had to seek out research.
It was able to participate in an REU that summer, I was able to learn a lot, not only academically about materials science, but intellectually. I learnt how to approach research problems, how to work in groups and how to look for new insights when stuck in a rut. I grew to enjoy the challenge to research and concluded it was a good fit for me. I sought out many research opportunities and academic projects subsequently with the goal of improving my knowledge and having a broader base of knowledge for my research. I was able to participate in projects in Materials science, Aerodynamics, design and even biomedical engineering .I also learnt the virtues of time management and a strong work ethic.
My most recent project was in the National xxxxxxx lab. The goals of the labs are in characterizing high-speed gas dynamics, unsteady flows, and flows with thermal and chemical non-equilibrium effects. In support of this project, I worked with a team on the XXX Hypersonic Shock tunnel. The tunnel is used to in the study of chemical kinetics and performing aerodynamic tests. The shock tunnel is able to generate gases at temperatures and pressures that are not typically feasible with hypersonic blow down tunnels. I helped get the tunnel fully operational, perform initial tests and integrate laser diagnostic techniques in order to quantify background disturbance levels in the tunnel.I enjoyed the project greatly, particularly the interdisciplinary aspects of the project and the ability to work with my hands. My interests are broad, but I am particularly interested in aerodynamics, turbulence and interdisciplinary approaches to fluid dynamics
My name is XXX. I intend to get a Master's degree to achieve my goals of growing as a researcher and challenging myself intellectually with research problems. Find new answers to research problems.
The first time I seriously considered research was my sophomore year. I saw a presentation from a research engineer from Sandia national labs. She spoke about her experience in materials science and her research. She spoke about her academic history, studying aerospace engineering at Texas A &m with a focus on materials science. She spoke about the all the research projects she had the opportunity to be part of. I was particularly interested in this large, interdisciplinary project she had participated in to create next generation prosthetics using piezoelectric materials. I was fascinated by the autonomy she had to work with projects within and outside of aerospace and the variety of projects she had worked on. I was impressed at how she worked with international colleague from different disciplines and based in different nations to relate her designs. Her job resounded more strongly with me than any of the other speakers I had seen, so I knew I had to seek out research.
It was able to participate in an REU that summer, I was able to learn a lot, not only academically about materials science, but intellectually. I learnt how to approach research problems, how to work in groups and how to look for new insights when stuck in a rut. I grew to enjoy the challenge to research and concluded it was a good fit for me. I sought out many research opportunities and academic projects subsequently with the goal of improving my knowledge and having a broader base of knowledge for my research. I was able to participate in projects in Materials science, Aerodynamics, design and even biomedical engineering .I also learnt the virtues of time management and a strong work ethic.
My most recent project was in the National xxxxxxx lab. The goals of the labs are in characterizing high-speed gas dynamics, unsteady flows, and flows with thermal and chemical non-equilibrium effects. In support of this project, I worked with a team on the XXX Hypersonic Shock tunnel. The tunnel is used to in the study of chemical kinetics and performing aerodynamic tests. The shock tunnel is able to generate gases at temperatures and pressures that are not typically feasible with hypersonic blow down tunnels. I helped get the tunnel fully operational, perform initial tests and integrate laser diagnostic techniques in order to quantify background disturbance levels in the tunnel.I enjoyed the project greatly, particularly the interdisciplinary aspects of the project and the ability to work with my hands. My interests are broad, but I am particularly interested in aerodynamics, turbulence and interdisciplinary approaches to fluid dynamics
