Undergraduate / bustling streets of NYC - College Supplements: work experience/why vassar? [2]

Please offer any honest feedback and constructive criticism. Grammar/sentence structure help would be appreciated as well!

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below. Limit 350 words*
My parents and I pulled into a vacant parking space. Peering out the window, I saw a clean but deserted street. Immediately in front of our car was a building with a bright orange sign that read "Little Kitchen". The door and windows were covered with a beige colored paper. My father cut the engine, and prompted us to follow him into the building. There were buckets of leftover paints on the ground, newspaper scattered; and further inside, I saw a fryer, grill, and stoves all lined up in a row.

"It's almost done! We'll be opening in a week," my father said.
I stood there for a moment absorbing in the events of the hectic week. Evicted from our apartment in the Lower East Side of Manhattan, my parents announced that we would be moving to Westchester Mamaroneck and opening a small restaurant. That "we" didn't include my sisters and grandma, for they were staying in Flushing, Queens. I was completely lost, separated from my siblings who I grew up with for thirteen years and my friends who I planned to graduate middle school with. Instead, I was starting fresh in a small and unfamiliar town.

Unfortunately, the unstable business obstructed my parents from hiring many workers. Instead, I was exhorted to work nights after school, and all day on the weekends. Throughout all of high school, I have been juggling school and work. Although I won't lie and say that it was easy, I definitely consider it a fruitful experience that exposed me to the business world. I've interacted with all kinds of customers, both nice and not so nice, greeting each one with the same cheerful smile. Through experience, I have learned to put my pride aside and apologize because after all, customers are always right. Due to my parent's choppy English, I've been forced to grow independent and creatively come up with solutions to problems that arise. My work experience has allowed me to shed my timid cloak. These four years have expanded my boundaries of comfort and has taught me many valuable lessons.

How did you learn about Vassar and what aspect of our college do you find appealing? Limit 350 words*
I stared at the immense book on my desk: Fiske Guide to Colleges. There is no way I thought, absolutely no way that I could find my ideal college looking through that. Nevertheless, I tried, flipped through the endless pages until I was overcome with frustration and sought out my guidance counselor for assistance instead. Promptly after learning that yes, I wanted to stay in New York and no, I didn't have a set occupation in mind, he suggested that I looked into Vassar, a beautiful liberal arts college merely an hour's drive away.

Feeling skeptical, I visited Vassar's website. However, after a bit of research and exploration through the virtual tour my doubt was washed away and I was in love. The campus's beauty is unfathomable, leaving me dreaming of a chance to delve into its delicacy. I long to read in the Thompson Library, lounge in the Shakespeare Garden, and study the large ranging styles of the academic and residential buildings. At Vassar, I would be able to enjoy the serenity of Sunset Lake and have the bustling streets of NYC within reach.

However, I'm not just intrigued by the beauty of Vassar. I'm drawn in by the small class sizes, which would allow me to interact with my professors, and the diverse student body. Having grown up in the great melting pot, New York City, I'm fascinated by the cultures of the vast world. I'm anxious to join Vassar's masses, to offer my share of unique cultural background.

Perhaps more than anything, I am intrigued by Vassar's flexible and challenging curriculum. Since I spent my high school years crushed between the pressures of academic work and my family's restaurant business, I was not given the opportunity to discover myself through the exploration of my interests. I feel that through liberal arts education at Vassar, I will be able to study a broad range of topics while discovering new interests.

I aspire to launch the newest journey in my life at Vassar, and spend the next four years growing and preparing to make an impact in this world.

Undergraduate / Chinese exchange students - BARNARD SUPPLEMENTS [2]

Please offer any honest feedback and constructive criticism. It would be greatly appreciated! I hope it does not sound like I hate men in these essays because that is definitely not the message that I'm trying to convey!

How did you first learn about Barnard College and what factors have influenced your decision to apply? Why do you think the College would be a good match for you? (Limit 250 words)

I sat contemplating the appropriate decorations for the Chinese exchange students who were to visit Mamaroneck High School when my teacher, Ms. Zhao brought up college. I dreaded the subject because unlike those classmates who were certain of their futures, I was completely stranded and unsure towards my years beyond graduation. That was when Ms. Zhao suggested Barnard College, a small women's liberal arts college that she attended. Located in Manhattan, where every adventure is merely a subway ride away and the sister school to Columbia University, I was intrigued. Thus I attended the Barnard College information meeting, eager to learn more about this hidden treasure. As the meeting concluded, I was certain that Barnard was the college that I'd been searching for. At Barnard I would be able to enjoy the sense of a tight-knit community, while still being able to obtain the resources of a large university. Anxious to interact and connect with my classmates and professors, I fell in love with the small class sizes at Barnard, as well as its personalized and guided curriculum. I feel that at Barnard, I'll be able to explore new realms of interest and grow as an individual. However, I was most captivated by Barnard's emphasis on women empowerment, as it differed so drastically from the traditional Chinese principles that I was raised under. Having been told that women are secondary to men all my life, I am eager to work alongside motivated women at Barnard to discover our full potential.

Pick one woman in history or fiction to converse with for an hour and explain your choice. What would you talk about? (Limit 250 words)
I'd imagine us to share a pot of traditional Chinese tea in the privacy of her former residence in Shaoxing, China. She'd stand momentarily by her desk, fingertips sliding across the familiar surface, reminiscing about the nights that she sat writing feminist essays and poems before joining me in the dining room. I'd smile elatedly, honored to be with China's symbol of women independence, Qiu Jin. Living during a time in which women were oppressed through the lack of education and bound feet, Qiu Jin fought for women's rights and independence through her radical feminist magazine. I'm inspired by her strength, beauty, selflessness, and most of all bravery. How did she find the courage to break free from the boundaries set by her parents and culture? We would immerse ourselves in conversation, discussing how much women rights have advanced since 1907, but also what further improvements could be made. Foot binding has long been abolished, and education opportunities for women have increased significantly; yet favoritism towards the male gender remains highly prevalent in China. There are still Chinese parents, like my own, who pressure their daughters to marry based on a man's wealth. A victim of an involuntary marriage herself, I'd be anxious to know how she feels about the remaining issue. The hour would quickly slip by, leaving me yearning for another. As we part ways, I'd be infected with her courage and ignited with the will to take advantage of the privileges offered by my present time period.

Alumna and writer Anna Quindlen says that she "majored in unafraid" at Barnard. Tell us about a time when you majored in unafraid. (Limit 250 words)

I sat doing my homework at a table behind the counter of my parent's restaurant on a busy Friday night. There was a crowd congregating in front of the register, some customers waiting to be seated for dinner while others here to pick up their orders. As my mother frantically worked to get orders out the door, the high-pitch ring of the telephone blared.

My father briskly walked by, four deliveries in hand and called out, "Marina, can you please get that?"
I froze pencil in hand, looking up with surprise. Did he really want me, a thirteen year old girl at the time, to pick up the phone and interact with a stranger? What if I stuttered?

The phone rang a second time.
I looked around for someone to save me, for a light to open out of the ceiling and for my savior to come flying down. Of course nothing happened. There was a lump in my throat. My heart thudded rapidly in my chest. What if I entered the wrong order?

A third time.
Taking a deep breath, I picked up the phone and meekly said, "Little Kitchen, how may I help you?"
Although I needed my mother's guidance for the first couple of calls, I soon grew accustomed to communicating with customers. As the years went by, I grew more experienced and learned to problem solve. By majoring in unafraid four years ago, I've been able to expand my horizons and gain an essential life skill.

Community - educational, geographic, religious, political, ethnic, or other - can define an individual's experience and influence her journey. How has your community, as you identify it, shaped your perspective? (limit 250 words)

I grew up in a traditional Chinese household with three sisters and no brothers. Thus being a family of girls, we were sheltered from a lot of things, restricted from certain activities. Sleepovers were off limits, even if it was at our cousin's place. Playing drums was not allowed, and neither was whistling as they were deemed "inappropriate for a girl". Never voice your opinion, my parents said, just smile and agree politely. Starting from a young age, my mother taught me that men are the breadwinners of the family. A woman's role is to merely be the secondary supporter. She should stay home and raise the children, the typical housewife as one may call it. When choosing a husband, look at the wealth of his family. Do they own property? A business? Since after all, money is always the cause of a failing marriage.

Despite my restricted upbringing, my opinion towards the role of women is drastically different. I believe that a woman has every right to voice her opinion, to express how she feels. Rather than depending on a man, a woman should aim to support herself, pursue an occupation of her dreams. It is due to my parent's belittlement of the female gender that I am fueled with the desire to prove them wrong. I wish to show them that a woman can be as successful as a man, that she can choose and walk upon her own path in life without being carried.

Undergraduate / 'Beyond the walls of my safe haven..' Chinatown restaurant - CENTRAL TO IDENTITY [3]

Prompt Chosen: Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

Beyond the walls of my safe haven was an unfriendly and dangerous world. The tall buildings loom high above one's head, walls are covered in graffiti, and streets are filled with neglected potholes and litter. It is a world in which gunshots are the norm and walking out at night is not advised. Many lives are cut short there, wiping away individuals' dreams and hopeful futures. Welcome to the Lower East Side of Manhattan, the place that I called home.

Growing up in a hostile environment was tough, but it was made worse by the fact that my parents were rarely around. They worked 12 hour shifts at a small restaurant in the heart of Chinatown. Long before us children awoke, they were gone and it wasn't until after we were asleep that they returned. Thus from an early age, I learned how to be independent. Watching my parents labor for minimum wage taught me the value of money. However, it wasn't until I turned 13, when we moved to Westchester Mamaroneck that I learned what it was like to work for long hours.

In the interest of providing me with the educational opportunities that Mamaroneck had to offer, my parents spent their life savings to open a small restaurant called the Little Kitchen. Since they spoke very minimal English and could not afford to hire many workers, I was recruited as a valued employee. Thus began my frazzled attempt to bear the weight of both the stress of high school and the family business. It soon became my job to not only take orders but also to communicate with customers when issues arose. In my young teenage years, I was forced to exit my comfort zone and hold conversations with complete strangers. Although it was initially nerve wracking, it grew easier throughout the four years, as I became more experienced and mature.

However, not everything has grown easier over the years. As I advanced through the years of high school, it has become increasingly difficult to balance my school, social, and family lives. The work load kept growing on all ends as I signed up for advanced courses and the restaurant's reputation gradually improved. The fatigue piled up as I continued to attend school for seven hours, work for six hours, then do homework and study for exams after. My nights often consist of very little sleep and a lot of coffee. During my school day, I'm often found scrambling to the library to finish any homework that I failed to finish the night before. Thus my social life began to fall through the cracks as I isolated myself further and further from others. I simply could not find the time to spend time with my friends without allowing my grades to suffer for it. I felt obstructed from partaking in extracurricular activities that piqued my interest, from exploring myself as an individual. I was alone, drowning in my responsibilities, trying frantically to find the balance between being a dutiful daughter and a healthy teenager. I wish I could say that I successfully found that balance, but quite honestly, I don't believe I did. My high school years were spent burrowed within a textbook.

However, college marks a new beginning for me. As my high school years come to an end, my days of managing the family business conclude as well. It's time that I find myself, to explore my passions and expand my boundaries. I wish to find the career that my heart yearns to pursue and interact with others that share the same desires. Becoming a millionaire is not in my dreams, for I'd rather have enough to live comfortably while providing for my family. Because my parents have sacrificed so much for me, I am inspired to work hard, to give back to them in the future and show that their efforts were not in vain.