Undergraduate / "I am a debater." (Communities Essay) - University of Michigan Essay #1 [4]

Nota Bene: These are the thoughts I'd like to have in my essay. I feel as though I don't answer the prompt that well. Any suggestions? How can I make it flow better? Also, I'm 58 words over. Can you help me shorten it or will I be fine? Thank you!

Essay #1 (Required for all applicants. Approximately 250 words.) Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it.

Spit flies, heart beats, and mind races. These sensations are all too familiar -- I'm in a debate round. The thrill of the round fills me with pure ecstasy as I complete mental gymnastics to stay one step ahead of my opponent.

Debate is like a sport; debaters play each other in a game of wits. The fastest minds win. Just like sports, debaters must work with each other to defeat their opponents. I remember going into debate thinking that I would be a hotshot who could carry every debate by myself -- boy was I wrong. At my first tournament, I only won two rounds. Nevertheless, my team continued to support me. With their support, I was able to grow into a debater worthy of the Captain position. There truly is no "I" in "Debate."

The Okemos High School Debate team is my second family. We all join together twice a week and we have fun. We talk about debate strategies, our lives, and just anything we have an opinion on. We all enjoy world news and wearing suits.

Debate is renowned for its diverse community. Diversity breeds collaboration, as people of different backgrounds and cultures work together. As I expose myself to the world of debate, I am able to expand my worldview and knowledge. As these distinct cultures mix, a new one emerges: one of tolerance and unity -- the culture of debate.

The time I have dedicated to debate has proven invaluable to me not only academically, but emotionally as well. I've competed with the brightest and made friends from all around Michigan. I've even connected with debaters around the nation. The lessons I have learned in debate will stay with me forever as I strive to become both a better student and a better person. I am a policy-maker. I am a debater.

Undergraduate / Research, CMB/BME, Diversity (Why UofM?) - University of Michigan Essay #2 [4]

Nota Bene: These are the thoughts I'd like to have in my essay. How can I make it flow better? Also, I'm 16 words over. Can you help me shorten it or will I be fine? Thank you!

Prompt: Essay #2 (Required for all applicants. 500 words maximum). Describe the unique qualities that attract you to the specific undergraduate College or School (including preferred admission and dual degree programs) to which you are applying at the University of Michigan. How would that curriculum support your interests?

I want to change the world; I want to rid the world of all harm, like a superhero. In my quest to become a superhero, I shall start by ridding the world of all neurodegenerative diseases. They plague the world and I need to stop them from conquering. The human brain is a complex and mysterious subject - while we know so much about it, we have yet to unlock all of its secrets. I intend to.

When I hear the name "University of Michigan", one word comes to mind: research. It seems as if I'm always hearing about some new advancement or information that came from UofM, such as the Zebrafish studies or the ALS Stem Cell trial.

During the Summer of 2013, I joined the Shakkotai lab at the University of Michigan. Shakkotai focused on Spinocerebellar Ataxias, neurodegenerative diseases that affects one's movement. I am currently looking at the gene expression of the ITPR1 receptor of Purkinje Cells and how it changes throughout the lifetime of mice models. I continue working there in an effort to publish a paper.

UofM is lauded as a top spender for university research: an achievement that reflects the desire to create a better world through a more thorough understanding of our environment and ourselves. I, too, share in that wish -- to be able to make the world a better place. In attending UofM, I hope to continue researching at this top-notch institution, for the benefit of humanity as a whole -- with our efforts combined, no disease is incurable, no problem too difficult.

The combined Cell and Molecular Biology/Biomedical Engineering (CMB/BME) degree offered by the Literature, Science and Arts College is absolutely essential to me because of my dream to become a neurosurgeon. The CMB program would prepare me for Medical School; BME intrigues me because I don't want to simply practice medicine, I want to create and innovate the practice of medicine. Biomedical Engineers are accredited for things such as the MRI scanner, synthetic heart-valves, and therapeutic drugs. Biomedical Engineering will help me become a part of the change. The CMB/BME program, along with a major in Physics, will allow me to be enrolled in both the LSA and the College of Engineering.

As an aspiring neurosurgeon, I want to unlock the secrets of life -- to understand the mechanisms that make us human, that define life as we know it. Once we understand how life works, we can move forward to enhance ourselves, even down to the molecular level. The applications are limitless -- countless diseases can be cured. The CMB/BME program will let me achieve my dreams and comprehend the complex mechanics behind life.

Diversity is important to me in both my academic and student lives.

UofM is renowned for its diverse community. Diversity breeds collaboration, as people of different backgrounds work together at UofM. I would like to be exposed to several different cultures, as it will expand my worldview and turn me into a more knowledgeable person. As these distinct cultures mix, a new one emerges at UofM: one of tolerance and unity.