Posts by nimroz93

nimroz93

Jun 11, 2014

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] The two approaches to life: change or unchange? Personal preference? [5]

This essay requires you to understand both points. Understand why both views are vaild.
Then explain which way to believe is the best for you!
so explain why change is good

Most of your points can be inserted in here. Changes lets you adapt. Change can be more amusing for ppl. etc. (i think you got the general idea for this part)

then explain why constant life can be good.

You can discuss how a constant life to some people is just annoying. Some people are looking for the simplicity in life which comes from constant life. Some poeple might fear that new experiences will change themselves. Because of that fear they refuse to live in this changing world. They might believe beauty and lifes desires are founds a beautiful getaway location in the middle of no wear. Nothing but peace and harmony. There is nothing wrong with living a constant life this its is just a point of view.

I dont know how long you essay has to be but you introductory looks good... just make you 2nd paragraph about why change is good and BAD...3rd paragraph why constant life is good and BAD...i am sure if you need to discuss the BAD parts but it is part of comparing.

last paragraph should be your preference.
Overall great essay but keep in mind it is a comparison essay which requires you to be open minded and accept both views at same time realize both views have negatives.

nimroz93

Jan 11, 2014

Writing Feedback / IELTS essay-Modern children are suffering from the diseases like obesity. Causes&solutions [8]

From nutrition class, I know that taste is very important. Rather than having children told what to eat. People should allow children try variety of foods then they can choose what they like. Parent intervention is very important in children developing health lifestyles. If parents are active outdoors then children tend to like to do outdoor activities. It is best to plan family events to get everyone their daily exercise and also have some good family time.

These are something I have learned. Hope it helps you add more depth.

"Teaching them to cook will turn out to be a good hobby in the future for the kids" I thought this sentence was unnecessary but besides this overall well done.

nimroz93

Jan 9, 2014

Undergraduate / McCormick School of Engineering's NORTHWESTERN SUPPLEMENT: UNIQUE QUALITIES [7]

Kristoria
hese unique qualities make Northwestern pop out from just being another top school on a list, to a place where I would truly enjoy learning as a Wildcat

revised to
The unique qualities offered at the Northwestern make it the perfect fit for me, I would be honored to be a Wildcat.

This is my recommendation for an ending but in general I really enjoyed your essay. It was fabulous.

nimroz93

Jan 9, 2014

Scholarship / Nursing Scholarship Essay for University of Texas at Austin Nursing very important to me! [4]

Personal Essay Topic

Using the space below, type a one page essay outlining your nursing career goals (or why you have selected nursing) and why you think you merit a scholarship.

Your essay may not exceed 500 words in length ( currently at 499) really hard to keep it short...help with grammer, style or anything you believe can make this essay better. Thank you so much!

My close relationship with the hospital began when I was eight years old. My mom was diagnosed with depression and her severe illness was not something that was easily understood by me. While doctors were trying to find the right treatment for her, I could tell that my mom was not the same. My dad seemed just as confused as I was, but he never let go of my hand and did his best to keep me optimistic. After a couple of months in the hospital, we learned that the treatment was prolonged due to a mix up in medication caused by a nurse. Though my dad and I were upset about the error, all of my stress was relieved. After a month, my mom was released from hospital and she was able to come home. I kept a very close eye on my mom and took good care of her until she became stable. It was that incident and experience of taking care of my mom that sparked my interest in the field of psychiatric nursing.

High school opened up many doors for me, as far as allowing me to enroll in medical field courses. I got me involved with the Health Occupation Students of America (HOSA); an organization in high school for students interested in the medical field. HOSA was able to connect me to nurses at the Edenbrook Nursing Home. It became clear very fast that being a nurse was not an easy position and that nursing involved many tasks. Throughout high school, I gained valuable experience in the health care field and it became obvious that nursing is the path I needed pursue in order to achieve my goal.

College was the final step that would help direct my goal of having a career in nursing. Taking classes such as nutrition, pharmacology, and medical microbiology, I was able to not only widen my horizon of the medical world and fulfill basic prerequisites. Taking a nutrition course helped me organize a better diet plan and motivated me to exercise daily. The proficient knowledge that I gained from pharmacology has resulted in me being able to advise my friends about over the counter medication. These courses have enlightened me because I am able to take basic concepts and apply them in the real world. College has been a fun challenge, and I have embraced the difficulty to increase my knowledge as I enter nursing school.

As I continue to make a commitment to my goal, there always financial difficulties. I have always been independent so my parents never have to worry about me. Financial aid has always helped me stay independent. I believe I deserve this scholarship because I am ambitious to become the best nurse possible. I have always been persistent and passionate about nursing. I have overcome many obstacles and I will continue to do so. This scholarship can help lessen the burden I have put on myself as I pursue my degree in nursing.