Posts by To2ahassan

To2ahassan

Mar 14, 2014

Writing Feedback / Toefl - a custom from your country that you would like people from other countries to ado [4]

sandipsinh
its "with their parents their entire life" I know it's not really helpful ,but it was very enjoyable to read.

To2ahassan

Mar 14, 2014

Writing Feedback / Toefl essay: which is better learning from the advice of fnf or from personal experience [5]

I am not sure , but I don't think you really fulfilled the task.Well, you answered "Which do you think is preferable? Use specific examples to support your preference." ,on the other hand you didn't answer "Compare the advantages of these two different ways of learning about life." you only mentioned the advantages of that concerned with learning from personal experience ,but you didn't mention that of learning from advice you mentioned its disadvantages ... I think you should have followed the steps of the task by mentioning the advantages of both and then said which do you prefer using your aforementioned examples. Also in the first main body you wrote "If we listen to our family and friends experience and try to learn from it, i believe, as we have not face that experience in person, therefore, we cannot get the whole scenario perfectly." I think it's a bit unclear and it would be better if you either wrote it this way "I believe that if we listen to our family and friends experience and try to learn from it ,we won't triumph, as we have not faced that experience in person,therefore,we cannot get the whole scenario perfectly" or you would say it this way "If we listen to our family and friends experience and try to learn from it without facing that experience in person , we would not get the whole scenario perfectly" .. At last it's "We cannot simply* believe". Overall, it was enjoyable to read and persuasive.

To2ahassan

Mar 14, 2014

Writing Feedback / THE POWER LIES WITHIN YOU - Changing a country [5]

write an article about change in your country. igcse 0510/21/o/n/12
write an article for your school magazine giving your views about the issue

To make a change in something or someone is inevitably a hardship especially for the monotonic people,but not for the rebels , those who were born to make a difference .Would you believe me if I said that changing a country is more plain sailing ? As the secret of changing a country all lies in changing yourself.

Our beloved country,Egypt,has an array of dilemmas that need an urgent metamorphosis.Firstly, we should change the phenomena of sexual discrimination.What can a girl want more than feeling safe ? To be able to bike to school without being harassed? I am not talking about sexual harassment that has spread like a plague, I am talking about its derivation .When boys are born,they are taught that they are the ones with the absolute power as well as the fact that Adam was created first.Not knowing that not only does safety come second in Maslow's pyramid but also that eve was created from Adam's shoulder to take care of her.

Secondly,when you see someone doing something wrong in the street, if you asked him to stop, he would say that he is not the only one doing it,also that he is not going to change the world by himself,maybe this is true to some extent.However,did he ever think about the possibility if he did it right ?If everybody started assessing himself instead of others,we would be second to none ,as nothing wrong would be done anymore.Thus, we would finally be able to see our country wearing the beautiful crown of success and development

concisely,I pen down saying that if every one works on changing his own perspective,change will occur , because change comes from within.As mahatma Gandi said"Be the change you want to see in the world"