Writing Feedback / [IELTS Writing task 1] US consumers' average annual expenditures on cell phone and residential phone [2]

The graph below shows US consumers' average annual expenditures on cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 and 2010.

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The line graph compares American consumers' average yearly spending on mobile phones and landline phones between 2001 and 2010 .
Overall , it can be seen clearly from the chart that residential phone services witnessed a downward trend from 2001 to 2010 , while cell phone services went up sharply during the same periods . However , In 2006 , there was a same pattern between mobile phones and landline phones .

To begin with , In 2001 , the average spending figure for residential phone services started at the highest point ( approximately $700 ) while that of mobile phones only accounted for $200 . Over the following 5 years , the yearly spending on landline phones saw a dramatical decline , whereas there was a sharp growth in cell phone services . In 2006 , average American expenditure on cell phones and residential phones shared the same figures at around $500 . In the year of 2010 , the expenditure of American on landline phones droped by approximately $300 , from $700 in 2001 to nearly $400 in 2010 ; in contrast the Americans' outlay on cell phone services reached a peak at about $750 , which is about 3 times higher than that in 2001 .

I haven't practiced for a while , i hope you guys can help me to improve my writing :)

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Writing Feedback / WRITING TASK 2 - VIOLENT MOVIES can cause serious social problems [8]

Many people believe that the high levels of violence in films today are causing serious social problems . What are these problems and how could they be reduced ? .

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Recently, most of people suppose that the high rates of violent scenes are leading to detrimental community issues . One of the main problems that contributes to the severe troubles is violent movies make people neglected . This problem , among others , will be discussed hereafter, and methods which can reduce them will be given .

To begin with , there are three factors bringing about the consequence of violent films . First of all , Violent films made people hard to concentrate on their work . For instance , they can waste a lot of their time watching violent films and forgot what they need to do . Moreover , Violent movies also make people addicted . They can spend most of their budget buying violent films . In addition , children misbehavior stems from watching violent cinema . Due to the fact that , Youngsters are not mature enough , they may mimic what they see derived from the ignorance . This is also leading to an increase in crime rates .

To deal with these problems , there are numerous measures which could be implemented to reduce the social problems caused by the violent movies. First and foremost , Violent movies should be better consored . For example , If the government remove the violent scenes in movies , people will unable to imitate it . Beside , Parents should have a discipline in their home . Caring about their children's bahavior and activities carefully aid parents to manage their children more effectively .

In conclusion , while there are many issues aringing as a consequence of the increasing amounts of violence in movies . I believe that the best way to solve that problems is education . Hence , People will understand that violence is unacceptable and they will not mimic it .

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Could you gimme a band score of my essay and feedbacks , thanks !