Undergraduate / Nursing Admissions Essay-How will becoming a nurse help you to make a difference in lives? [4]

I redid my essay to be more personal. It's not edited at all so there will be mistakes. Thanks for the help!

Nursing Application Essay
How will becoming a nurse help you to make a difference in others' lives?
Growing up a biracial child of Latina and African American descent, I have always been immersed in cultures of warmth and community. My mother has always been a social butterfly and made friends no matter where she went, while my father has a huge family that I enjoyed seeing at family reunions. Having a teacher for a mother has not only provided me an educator's view, but a compassionate view. Teachers and nurses are so similar, in that they're educators, collaborators, confidants, and integral parts of our community. I realized that nurses are similar to the teachers of the health care world. As a nurse I will be able to educate my patients in order that they may have a full recovery and return to their families and loved ones. Education is so vital, and I believe I would be able to not only have a direct relationship and impact with my patient, but I would have a ripple effect on not only my patients but their communities, because they will be able to rejoin them and contribute.

Additionally, my experience in clubs such as Black Collegians, Adelante, and MEDPEP, have provided me the opportunity to grasp the increasing health disparities minorities are facing. I will use both my personal background and medical knowledge to give my patients a safe environment to facilitate not only camaraderie with my patients and their families, but also provide them a safe haven to speak about their mental and emotional state. To have the ability to give patients who often feel as if they don't have a voice in their medical care, a voice would be an amazing gift. I will be able to work with disadvantaged communities that are not able to have adequate medical access.

Lastly as a nurse I will share a moment of my patients lives in which they were at their most vulnerable. All humans have moments of weakness, and my patients can feel as if they are not alone in their fears or insecurities. I will be the one to hold their hand and calm their fears and doubts . As a nurse I will be my patients friend, support, and healer. To be able to partake in such inspiring actions that can bring the most ill patients and their families comfort and happiness is a beautiful part of being a nurse and I can't wait to experience that.

Undergraduate / I'm a Prince not Cinderella... Need Encouragement - community college transfer student [2]

Your essay is very good! I think the only comment I would have is to have change this sentence a bit
What he wanted was just outside his grasp, yet he never gave up. He thoroughly searched everywhere he could for the woman of his dreams with that one glass slipper, and he did not stop until he found the perfect fit. Looking back on the decisions I've made, I now see myself as that Prince desperate to see if the glass slipper of the college search fits.

Undergraduate / Statement of Purpose -- why KAIST? "to face AFTA 2015." [3]

KAIST has been known as a renowned institute in South Korea, and has an excellent reputation among universities in the world in aspects of computer science

There isanthis issue in my country that in my opinion should have been given more importance.

Then, I would go back to my country and develop my own company, while trying to make contributions towards the country in aspect of technology development.to the technological advancement of my country.