Writing Feedback / IELTS - "Health is wealth " ; average weight of people is increasing [6]

Hello
Can any one please correct my essay and give feed back. My exams are nearing I have to improve on essay writing.

. In some country the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the cause of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them.

"Health is wealth ". this is the simple quote known to everyone. After knowing this people are more careless about their health . obesity is one of the major problem in most of developing and developed countries. This problem can be seen in most of urban cities rather than rural places.

If we analysis the causes for the overweight, the first foremost reason will be the urban life style . People in cities are more towards mental stressed work than the physical strain work. The people in cities are not have control over their diet and food habits. People taking more junk food has increased drastically . The second reason is people spend more time in office and work and less time for exercise. We can also add traffic is also one of the reasons, people spend more time traveling to office and back home they will have less time to refreshment and physical workout. For discussion I want to give an illustration how the change in life style has caused my friend more weight. My friend was good at sports, when he was active in sports he had good health and maintained his weight but for his higher education he quit practice sport for a long time. There was a drastic change in his weight.

There are various measure to control over weight. Firstly we have to change our life style we should not concentrate only on work we should also spend time for exercise. Half an hour work out in morning will have lot of changes to the body. secondly we need to come out of luxury habits and need to led life in simpler ways. Most importantly we should have proper diet and good nutrition to the body.

With all above measures, good habits and balance between work and personal life we can reduce over weight and have good health.

Writing Feedback / Essay on " Every year several languages die out"; 'but still we manage our life' [7]

Hello
I am writing an essay for first time in this forum. Please check and give your feedback .
Every Year several languages die out. Some People think that this is not important because life will be easier if there were fewer languages in the world.

Over last century we have seen lot of languages have vanished from this world, but still we manage our life. People have adopted new language for communication. It is very disappointing that we cannot save the languages from dying because some people think it is not so important life will be easier with fewer language.

I have a mix opinion on this topic, when we are moving towards globalization to many languages will lead to more confusion. If we have lesser language the interaction and communication and understanding one another will be easy. In today's world lot of people migrate to another city or country for the search of job and living. In that case the migrated people will adopt them self to the language of new place. It will be easy for them understand each other. For example English has become number one business language.

We should not ignore the negative side of this issue . If language die along with it the cultural around it will also die. It is not required the native language has to die for the growth of the common language. In India we have lot of regional language to communicate but we have adopted English and Hindi as official commutation language. One nation can preserve their own language by speaking in their native language who can understand it small group and also use the language understood by majority of people

To conclude we should not allow any language to die it is the part of world heritage. people will have emotions attached to their languages . Based on the importance of the feelings and people and culture we shooed save language from dying.