Writing Feedback / Let's make mineral soup.......... [4]

Below is a passage from an article that I am trying to understand an write about. I am trying to make it more friendly to the general population, yet maintain the level of sophistication. Can someone tell me whether or not my passage satisfies the obligations in Assignment #2. Am I focused and clear? Are there other things that I did not consider in my passage that would make it better. Thank you.

Assignment #2:

Put the following passage into your own words: Re-write the passage below in our own words, making sure the topic is focused and clear. Makes sure the main ideas are clear.

Original Passage:

FeS2 was prepared using a common solvothermal method. To prepare the sol mixture, sodium thiosulfate (Na2S2O3, 99.9%, Junsei Chemical, Japan) and iron chloride hexahydrate (FeCl3-6H2O, 99.9%, Junsei Chemical, Japan) were used as the S and Fe sources. Synthesized FeS2 and TiO2 powders and FeS2/TiO2 composites were examined by X-ray diffraction (MPD, PANalytical) using nickel-filtered CuKα radiation (30 kV, 30 mA). FeS2 has been prepared so far by different methods such as thermal sulfuration 19, 20, mechanochemical milling 21, 22. Through comparison of the various approaches, solvothermal method is chose because it exhibit many advantages such as mild preparation conditions, simplicity, low cost, and so on 23, 24. The method has been extensively used in the synthesis of many metal sulfides with special properties. Synthesized FeS2 and TiO2 powders and FeS2/TiO2 composites were examined by X-ray diffraction (MPD, PANalytical) using nickel-filtered CuKα radiation (30 kV, 30 mA). The photo splitting of aqueous methanol (methanol/water (1:1 vol/vol)) was carried out using a 2-L Pyrex photoreactor designed in our laboratory [21].

The passage written in my own words:

In this paper, FeS2 was prepared using a common solvothermal method. It has been prepared by different methods such as thermal sulfuration19, 20, and mechanochemical milling as well21, 22. Through comparison of the various approaches, solvothermal method is chose because it exhibit many advantages such as mild preparation conditions, simplicity, low cost, and so on23, 24. The method has been extensively used in the synthesis of many metal sulfides with special properties.To prepare the sol mixture, sodium thiosulfate and iron chloride hexahydrate were used as the S and Fe sources. Synthesized FeS2 and TiO2 powders and FeS2/TiO2 composites were examined by X-ray diffraction using nickel-filtered CuKα radiation. The photo splitting of aqueous methanol was carried out using a 2-L Pyrex photoreactor designed in the laboratory of the author.