Let's make mineral soup..........

Below is a passage from an article that I am trying to understand an write about. I am trying to make it more friendly to the general population, yet maintain the level of sophistication. Can someone tell me whether or not my passage satisfies the obligations in Assignment #2. Am I focused and clear? Are there other things that I did not consider in my passage that would make it better. Thank you.

Assignment #2:

Put the following passage into your own words: Re-write the passage below in our own words, making sure the topic is focused and clear. Makes sure the main ideas are clear.

Original Passage:

FeS2 was prepared using a common solvothermal method. To prepare the sol mixture, sodium thiosulfate (Na2S2O3, 99.9%, Junsei Chemical, Japan) and iron chloride hexahydrate (FeCl3-6H2O, 99.9%, Junsei Chemical, Japan) were used as the S and Fe sources. Synthesized FeS2 and TiO2 powders and FeS2/TiO2 composites were examined by X-ray diffraction (MPD, PANalytical) using nickel-filtered CuKα radiation (30 kV, 30 mA). FeS2 has been prepared so far by different methods such as thermal sulfuration 19, 20, mechanochemical milling 21, 22. Through comparison of the various approaches, solvothermal method is chose because it exhibit many advantages such as mild preparation conditions, simplicity, low cost, and so on 23, 24. The method has been extensively used in the synthesis of many metal sulfides with special properties. Synthesized FeS2 and TiO2 powders and FeS2/TiO2 composites were examined by X-ray diffraction (MPD, PANalytical) using nickel-filtered CuKα radiation (30 kV, 30 mA). The photo splitting of aqueous methanol (methanol/water (1:1 vol/vol)) was carried out using a 2-L Pyrex photoreactor designed in our laboratory [21].

The passage written in my own words:

In this paper, FeS2 was prepared using a common solvothermal method. It has been prepared by different methods such as thermal sulfuration19, 20, and mechanochemical milling as well21, 22. Through comparison of the various approaches, solvothermal method is chose because it exhibit many advantages such as mild preparation conditions, simplicity, low cost, and so on23, 24. The method has been extensively used in the synthesis of many metal sulfides with special properties.To prepare the sol mixture, sodium thiosulfate and iron chloride hexahydrate were used as the S and Fe sources. Synthesized FeS2 and TiO2 powders and FeS2/TiO2 composites were examined by X-ray diffraction using nickel-filtered CuKα radiation. The photo splitting of aqueous methanol was carried out using a 2-L Pyrex photoreactor designed in the laboratory of the author.

This paper describes how FeS2 was prepared using a common solvothermal method. The sol mixture was prepared using sodium thiosulfate (Na2S2O3, 99.9%, Junsei Chemical, Japan) and iron chloride hexahydrate (FeCl3-6H2O, 99.9%, Junsei Chemical, Japan) that provided S and Fe sources.

Why haven't you included this part -

Pahan,

Thank you for your response. One of the "style guides" from my event was to use the generality format for the non-scientist. I did not know whether or not the general public would comprehend that information or not. If you think that it is relevant and friendly, then I wouldn't mind at all including it in the passage. I am interacting with the forum, because I have no clue.

Thank you again for your time, and please, if you have anymore corrections please respond as many times as you think I need. I need so much help, that you couldn't even imagine.

Best Regards,
Duave

yep.... now understand what your task expects. :) However, as Pahan also had some concerns above, I too wonder how you can completely do away with some of the stuff as your writing is actually based on that. Let me see how I can give you some support;

This paper describes how FeS2 was prepared using a common solvothermal method. The sol mixture was prepared using sodium thiosulfate and iron chloride hexahydrate that provided S and Fe sources. X-ray diffraction,which used nickel-filtered CuKα radiation, examined the synthesized FeS2 and TiO2 powders and FeS2/TiO2 composites .