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Posts by Ems27
Name: Emily Alexander
Joined: Mar 4, 2014
Last Post: Mar 8, 2014
Threads: 1
Posts: 3  

From: United States of America
School: GTCC

Displayed posts: 4
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Ems27   
Mar 8, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: The rise of overweight children in developed countries [3]

During that time, it was assumed that the more people weighed the higher their ranking was in society.

Maybe change that sentence up or add to it. feel like the comma should be taken out or something added to make it more cohesive.
Ems27   
Mar 8, 2014
Graduate / "What am I going to be doing the next few years? ; MS in ACCT [2]

I have dedicated the last nine years of my life instructing ages from infants to seniors how to swim effectively and efficiently...

Through this experience, I have acquired the intellectuals of loyalty, dedication, leadership, manageability, and much more.
I would erase the comma from above. It cuts the sentence up to much. It flows better without it.

A future entails a continuation of hard work, and a Bachelor's Degree in Accounting was just the first step.
I would change this up some how to be stronger. Just my opinion but something like "My future". That would make it sound nice with the next part of the sentence.

Hope these suggestions are of help!
Ems27   
Mar 6, 2014
Writing Feedback / Today more people are travelling than ever before, why is this the case? [5]

Something I was told that helps with sentence fragments is to put "I realize" in front of each individual sentence. If it stands of its own then it is a complete sentence. If that sentence only makes sense with the one behind it then it is a fragment.

I realize Because of the increasing facilities in transportation.

The sentence above needs more information so that it can stand on its own.
Ems27   
Mar 6, 2014
Writing Feedback / "Where I see myself in ten years" but written in third person essay. [3]

TEN YEARS
Many people thing about their future and the things they desire to achieve. A student may want a career as a physical therapist so they can help people through painful struggles. After graduating the goal of gaining a job in a company that hires physical therapists would be natural. A person would have a hope to own part of the company as well. Men and women usually strive to marry an amazing person, in other words that someone would be strong and caring. Two individuals usually enjoy celebrating anniversaries together throughout the years in a marriage. Starting a family is a long-term goal that a human being can carry out. One important goal of a person could be having children as in hoping for two boys. Having a career, being married, and starting a family are important plans for a life in ten years.

Having a goal of a career to be a physical therapist can be accomplished. A goal after achieving a degree is to be hired as a physical therapist by a company. That job is only one step to the top goal of owning part in that company. A desired company is one that hired many therapists with specialties in different areas. Physical therapists have a passion to help heal physical injuries; furthermore it is the changing and supporting of lives. These injuries can be ones caused by sports, it can be the outcome from high school and college sports teams. These damages to the body can also come from accidents like vehicle crashes and work related. There are usually preferred age ranges for patients, for reasons like health advantages. Adolescent age kids are easy to work with because their bodies heal so fast. Early adulthood age is also still good because their recovery time is still shorter as opposed to elderly health decline. A physical therapist is what helps and motivates the healing of injuries and damage to the body.

Marriage is something a person usually sees in the near future as well as in ten years. This commitment is always wanted with someone successful and hard working. A partner who is motivated and amazing in everything they do, in other words a human that is fervent and fierce. In vision this person is someone who enjoys and will be accomplished in a career; likewise passionate as well as aggressive attitudes will come through in whatever the career may be. Also sought out by some people is a marriage that has a spiritual foundation. These two individuals will have a passion for each other; moreover the best way to describe it is a selfless state of mind with each other. They will love in friendship and in marriage in their journey through life together since they will be spending every day together. A good marriage will be long term, thriving, and will always follow this moral. Both people will be committed no matter the struggles and joy. The celebration of anniversaries come around as every year wraps up and adds to the number of years married. This is the heart of man or a woman's heart, as they will be together in ten years with a lot of love and happiness.

Usually ten years from now the goal of a family can be reached and in progress. With starting a family the addition of a dog is usually a have to for some people. A great dog that can add to the family is a Silken Windhound. In which the dog could probably be somewhere around a few years old. This family could have a baby added to mix and the youngster will add fun and trouble to a house. A first born boy is always a joy since big brothers can be protective and responsible. This child could be preschool age and ready for a sibling. From this point, a new baby could be entering the world to add to the family. A good age timeline between two kids is having a preschool and a new born baby. Therefore another baby boy or girl would be a great addition to the family. All in all two little boys and a dog are the start to a blessed family in ten years.

In ten year many individuals can see themselves accomplishing many goals. These few goals are similar to what some people strive to attain. Does every human have a goal or something they want to achieve in their lives? No matter what it is all persons should have something they want to make happen in their life to create a happy future. Something like a career in physical therapy, marriage, and a family are just a few examples of achievements for the next ten years.

Essay instructions: This is an essay we had to write in first and second person about our own life and goals in ten years, then switch it to third person. I need help with sentence structure, complex-compound, compound, and complex sentences. I don't know the difference and if I have any, but my instructor wants as few simple sentences as possible. Any critiques and help of identifying my errors in this paper would be great! Thanks.
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