my ms in accounting application is due really soon, and wondering if anyone can critique my application essay...no hard feelings!
There was a moment in my life when I was wondering to myself, "What am I going to be doing the next few years? Is this something I can do for the next fifty years?" I have dedicated the last nine years of my life instructing from infants to seniors how to swim effectively and efficiently, and I treasured every moment of it. Through this experience, I have acquired the intellectuals of loyalty, dedication, leadership, manageability, and much more. In result, I am very selective of what I want to offer my whole career to, a job that I can fully envelope my entire life into with joy and devotion without any regrets.
I was initially suggested into the field of accounting by family and relatives for its stability and job opportunities, but my interest in this field did not come to my attention until the completion of my first accounting course in NYC College of Technology. The information flowed inside of me as if it was simple logic and mathematics. I still remember the day Professor Barnes spoke to me of my potential as an accountant and begged me to never give up and keep achieving, then recommended my transfer into Binghamton University for a better education in the School of Management program.
In pursuit of real experience in this field, I found my first intern position for ICL(Institute of Community Living, Inc.), a non-profit organization which assists individuals and families affected by mental illness or developmental disabilities to improve their recovery and participation in the community. In this opportunity, I easily completed the tasks given such as identifying errors and correcting all accounts and statements, but I strived for more. I have an individual mindset of working diligently, quickly, and efficiently with the hours given. In result, I have found nothing more enjoyable than simply learning any context of accounting. My employer (Steve Hickman, CFO) always had concerns of finding more work for me to do since I tend to complete his daily tasks two hours in advance. That moment in my life, I finally knew what would become of me in the near future.
Knowing what I want to do in the future is clearly not enough. A future entails a continuation of hard work, and a Bachelor's Degree in Accounting was just the first step. Through my nine years of teaching swimming, I started from an instructor's assistant to a head coach position through diligence, persistence, and loyalty in the company. From this experience, I learned that "if you want to do something, keep doing it until you've reached the peak". With this mentality, I cannot afford to lose this golden opportunity to take a step closer to the future I had envisioned. My education is incomplete until I reach my long term goal of becoming a CPA, a position I may never achieve without the admission into the MS of Accounting program. I truly believe that my prerequisites, motives, determination, and hard work makes me a well-qualified candidate for the Masters of Accounting program, a candidate that I guarantee you won't regret accepting.
I have dedicated the last nine years of my life instructing ages from infants to seniors how to swim effectively and efficiently...
Through this experience, I have acquired the intellectuals of loyalty, dedication, leadership, manageability, and much more.
I would erase the comma from above. It cuts the sentence up to much. It flows better without it.
A future entails a continuation of hard work, and a Bachelor's Degree in Accounting was just the first step.
I would change this up some how to be stronger. Just my opinion but something like "My future". That would make it sound nice with the next part of the sentence.
Hope these suggestions are of help!
