Posts by SalomeA

SalomeA

Mar 25, 2014

Undergraduate / Questbridge College Prep - your community; what would you change and why? 'Segregation' [6]

I need to know how I could possibly shorten this so I could end the paragraph smoothly, and if there's anything I should add/take out.Tell us about a significant experience, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you. (100 words)

Atlanta Public Schools was once convicted of a cheating scandal, which impacted me in high school. Also, my school has recently been convicted of illegally allowing out of zone students onto the football team. This dilemma negatively impacted me. I became frustrated at my school. Throughout my years at Grady I have made sure that I strive to achieve academic excellence. However, I was really being deprived of an education, and it seemed as if my learning capabilities didn't matter. I also became worried that colleges may look at my school and not want me to attend theirs'.

SalomeA

Mar 25, 2014

Writing Feedback / IELTS exam: studying at university is the best route to reach successful career [8]

Being at a univerity is better:
-gives time to find yourself
-harder to work pay check by pay check,
-school gives you a sense of comfort, knowing that can study something you honestly want to become

In other side, numbers of the inhabitants believe...

In this part of the paragraph can also include that someone who hasn't attended university would probably have a job where they would be working at minimum wage, so education is key in succiess.

SalomeA

Mar 25, 2014

Writing Feedback / Choice between academic qualifications vs personal experience and values, when hiring [4]

I would reccomend you give more exapmles to defend your statements. That's what a persuasive essay is all about! Also don't use "on one side" "on another side", because its obvious you're trying to make points in the essay. Just go straight into it. Since you support hiring without academic qualifications you could also add more points like:

- some jobs require more life skills than academic
- can easily teach someone a job
- can be more reliable
- can put some statistics in like maybe that more people are likely to be hired with personal experience
*JUST MAKE SURE YOU CAN DEFEND YOUR POINTS*
Your negative and positive aspects sound good. Hoped this helped

SalomeA

Mar 24, 2014

Undergraduate / Questbridge College Prep - your community; what would you change and why? 'Segregation' [6]

I need to know if I answered the question clearly: If you could change one thing about your community, what would you change and why?

Going into high school I began to notice how segregated my community was. Not only were students segregated in school, but parents were also segregated out of school. However, I am also guilty of this problem. I believe this is because in hopes of not being judged, many of my community members tend to associate with groups similar to themselves. I would create community service events within my neighborhood. Through community service, people will all share a common goal: making an impact in someone's life by helping them. This idea could bring a sense of unification into my community.