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Posts by minhvo [Suspended]
Name: Minh Vo
Joined: Apr 16, 2014
Last Post: Apr 26, 2014
Threads: 2
Posts: 4  
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From: Viet Nam
School: LTV

Displayed posts: 6
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minhvo   
Apr 26, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: A successful person is one who has earned a lot of money... [3]

A successful person is one who has earned a lot of money. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

It's such a common definition of a successful person is one who has earned a lot of money, especially in nowadays society. Each individual visualize success differently. Still, my term of a successful man is one who has certain achievements in life rather than the one with a high income.

Money is undeniably pivotal, but ways of earning it is also various. A person's great prosperity does not state that he has gained it ethically by himself. Nevertheless, a man can only achieve his accomplishment through hard-working, dedication and passion. Whether it is a personal or a social achievement, that man is laudable.

More importantly, the more beneficial for the society his achievement is, the more successful he is considered. For instance, Thomas Edison is undeniably considered as one of the greatest inventors in the 20th century since his invention's productivity is countless useful for mankind. On the other hand, the fact of knowing a man's utilization of his money remains in the dark. Therefore, judging a person by his income is difficult, especially in the success aspect.

In conclusion, using only money as a scale to measure a man's success is impossible despite the fact that it is the essential in basic needs. Yet, it is the common scene that a man can be publicly considered successful when his achievements, which can only accomplished by passion, dedication and ethics, are helpful not only for himself.

can you guys help me correct this essay,
don't be hesitated to comment even if you don't know if you're right or not.
minhvo   
Apr 26, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Subway system in London, Paris, Tokio, Washington, Kyoto and Los Angeles [4]

The table presents the subways systems in 6 major countries in terms of opening date, length of route, and passenger per annum in millions.

those are cities, not country

London subway system coming first construction in 1863 revealed the length of 394 km and carried 775 passengers. By comparison with Los Angeles' railway being inaugurated in 2001, lengthening 11 km and delivered 50 passengers in their route, such system nearly sixteen-fold increase in full load of passengers. Coming second constructed in 1900, subterranean in Paris delivered 1191 passenger. There was a slight number in comparison with Tokyo's system gaining 1927 commuter involve in their system.

The data on the table showed passengers per YEAR. In the paragraph, you wrote "carried 775 passengers" meaning that it only carried 775 passengers in all those years of service.

There're a lot of grammar errors, i think you should re-write and re-consider the paragraph carefully before posting it on for correction.

Hope this helped
minhvo   
Apr 17, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1- summarize charts information budget allocation [4]

It is quite a challenge for most of us when it comes to control your budget allocation especially for households with middle incomes. The spending trend itself had considerably changed throughout 2010 to 2012.

As seen on the charts above, housing can be considered had some significant changes. An increase of 15% compare to 2010 budget's data, making it the largest budget in all 4 categories.

Another increase in spending as we have seen on the charts is food/clothes category. While the data showed on 2010 chart is 25%, in 2012, its put forward that people had spent 10% more, turning the category into the second largest allocation.

As two categories increased, there're also some of them had decreased tremendously. One of which is the category with vacation or leisure purpose. It clearly presents that the category had suffered a decline of 15% since it was 25% in 2010 and 10% in 2012. Misc category is also not an exception when it had went from 15% in 2010 to 5% in 2012.

In conclusion the charts put forward a few growth of spending in such category like housing, food, clothes while other categories which serve for leisure and other purposes had decreased substantially.

this is my very first ielts writing, i hope you guys would help me