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Posts by 19epuzam
Name: Anna Ginzburg
Joined: Apr 26, 2014
Last Post: Jun 14, 2014
Threads: 2
Posts: 5  
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From: Azerbaijan
School: 282

Displayed posts: 7
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19epuzam   
Jun 14, 2014
Writing Feedback / my best friend - Champ ; Descriptive paragraph about person who I feel admirable [3]

When I was in high school - you need to put "in" after was.

Lastly, I felt very calm . - I think Finally will be better . Finally , I felt very calm

He also taught me to manage the problems that through in my life- He also taught me to solve problems by myself and not to depend on anyone.

to pass any trouble in my life and made the strong feeling to me. - to overcome difficulties and quandaries and to be strong in life

Therefore, I will never forget him who is the important person in my life that impressed and admired me many things in himself.

Therefore, I will never forget him. He was the most important person in my life who impressed me the most.

admired me many things in himself.- this sentence is not correct at all. erase it
19epuzam   
Jun 14, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: 'The apple never falls far from the tree' - Parents should teach children [10]

But I have read that in a persuasive/argument essay I should include Concession Statements (address opposing viewpoints!) :
concession: If you're writing a persuasive piece, you might consider beginning with a
concession--that is, by beginning with an acknowledgement of part of your opponent's
argument as being valid. Remember that a concession is not a form of weakness. In
fact a concession is a strength as it finds common ground with your opponent and
establishes your ethical appeal: you are a reasonable person willing to listen
to/acknowledge that there are more sides to an issue than yours.
**You can't ignore compelling opposing evidence. You must address strong
arguments on the other side; if you don't, it looks like you are not well prepared and
have not looked at the issue you are writing about from all perspectives.**
19epuzam   
Jun 14, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: 'The apple never falls far from the tree' - Parents should teach children [10]

Please check and give a band score. Thanks in advance!

Topic:Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

The apple never falls far from the tree seems to be true. The methods of upbringing have always been raising long-standing debates. While some people argue that children must be taught at school to be a good person, some others claim this idea is totally wrong because children spent most of their time at home with their families. Therefore, I too believe that the personality of a child is mainly formed at home and depends on parents.

Of course, I have to admit that children and schools are interrelated. They receive essential education at school. For instance: We learn history which teaches us politics. Without knowing our past we can't know who we really are. History is a school of life which expands world-view. However I think that to be a good person principally depends on our family. Parents are the ones whom we really want to be like and they are perfect role models for us. We are witnessing how they treat other people and adopt it subconsciously. To give an example, I had a friend at the university who constantly stood me up and eventually betrayed me. I was shocked when I saw that his father was behaving exactly like him. Сonsequently, realized that he was copying his father's behavior. Also according to the survey carried out by BBC, it was discovered that children who see their parents drunk are twice as likely to regularly get drunk themselves.

Having weighed up both sides of the argument, I would say that poor parental supervision raises the likelihood of teenage drinking and etc problems. Parents are the first ones who bear great responsibility before the society. Due to good parents world becomes a better place to live among kind and conscientious adolescents.
19epuzam   
Jun 14, 2014
Speeches / I have to present a speech on HIV/AIDS and I need some guidance [2]

Look at the articles on internet about causes and consequences of it. You need mainly strong introduction and conclusion. Begin introduction with a hook.1. Hook - An interesting statement to catch the reader's attention

1.1 The introduction has a "hook or grabber" to catch the reader's attention. Some
"grabbers" include:
2. Opening with a strong statement: (Cigarettes are the number one cause of lighter sales in
Canada!)
3. Opening with a Quotation: (Elbert Hubbard once said , "Truth is stronger than fiction.")
5. Opening with a Statistic or Fact: Sometimes a statistic or fact will add emphasis or interest
to your topic. It may be wise to include the item's authoritative source.
6. Opening with a Question. (Have you ever considered how many books we'd read if it were
not for television?)
7. Opening with an Exaggeration or Outrageous Statement. (The whole world watched as the
comet flew overhead.)
19epuzam   
Jun 14, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS argument essay large amount of violence in television programs [6]

The best advice is to have 4 paragraphs for your essay that includes the introduction, the (two arguments between) bodies and the conclusion.
Right, You have 2 bodies but I think second one doesn't prove your thesis. I think you can put it in first paragraph. I think second body looks like a concession and it would be better to put it first. Read this one below:

Concession : If you're writing a persuasive piece, you might consider beginning with a concession--that is, by beginning with an acknowledgement of part of your opponent's argument as being valid. Remember that a concession is not a form of weakness. In fact a concession is a strength as it finds common ground with your opponent and establishes your ethical appeal: you are a reasonable person willing to listen to/acknowledge that there are more sides to an issue than yours.

**You can't ignore compelling opposing evidence. You must address strong arguments on the other side; if you don't, it looks like you are not well prepared and have not looked at the issue you are writing about from all perspectives.**

example: "True, gun control legislation in Canada needs to be tightened to prevent the United States from becoming as violent as its neighbors to the south. The proposal that has been submitted, however, does not go far enough. Instead,...[now writer begins building his side of argument, showing how it is stronger than the opposing side's!] - (Use transitions between sentences to serve as cues for the reader (first, second, then, however, consequently, therefore, thus, still, nevertheless, notwithstanding, furthermore, in fact, in contrast, similarly, instead)
19epuzam   
Apr 26, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Children are working for money, therefore they learn the value of money [4]

Please check and give a band score. Thanks in advance!

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.

What are your opinion on this ?

The right ways of upbringing children always caused numerous debates in the society and have been a dilemma for many centuries. The breeding of a person is one of the most significant issues facing the world today. Literally children are our future. They are the ones who will revise the world and who will be responsible for future decisions that can alter our future. Therefore it has excessive impact on every aspect of life mainly society.

As cultures strongly differ from each other it's interesting fact that each nation has dissimilar point of view regarding upbringing of a child. It includes work issues as well.

Most people consider that children don't must work until the age of 18. Because work is something that requires strong health, stress tolerance, seriousness and responsibility. They think child's personality has been formed neither mentally nor physically to manage the stress, pressure. But the question is will be children able to be good workers if they don't know what does work really mean. In my opinion for their own good, children can be involved in some paid work during summer time. In reality life is very harsh. When most children leave their own world and make first steps into the real world they stuck in their childhood and face quandaries and just fall to pieces. In contrast, working can teach them to be industrious, hard-working, intrepid and more self-reliant. For example: In USA is a common tradition for juveniles to leave family home at 16 and live independently on their own while in eastern countries it seems cruel and wild for parents set their children free till they are 20 or even 26. As a result, even as a grown-up they depend on their families and just can't survive without them.

I therefore conclude that working would teach them the value of money and most importantly will prepare them to withstand the hardships of adult life.