Undergraduate / "Following my dreams" - Stanford Supplemental #3: What matters to you and why? [2]

Hi guys, please read over my supplemental essay and critique it!

What matters to you and why? - Following my dreams

When I was a small child, I used to look up at the starry night and tell my parents "One day I'll be up there... One day I'll be an astronaut". Years have passed since I first uttered those words but what they said to me afterwards has been ingrained in my mind ever since. They told me "Follow your dreams; you can achieve anything you want to if you truly want it." I may not have understood it back then, but it has become a guiding principle that I hold close to my heart.

I have not forgotten that promise. When I am tired beyond all belief, it's what gets me out of bed in the morning to face the world with renewed vigor. When I get a poor grade on a test, it's what drives me to study harder for the next one. It may not always be a smooth road, but every single pothole I hit makes me stronger when I come through. Along that path I will meet friends who share the same passion as I do, inspire others to follow their dreams, and make myself happy. That is what truly matters.

Dreams are intrinsic to the human spirit. We all dream, whether it's for world peace or a better job. What's important is what we do with that dream. Do we let it slip through our fingers, or grab on for dear life? I, for one, am holding on for dear life.

word count: 247

Thanks.

Undergraduate / Stanford Supplemental Essay #1: Towards a brilliant future [8]

Hi guys,

I am currently a rising senior who is practicing writing for college applications. My dream school is Stanford so I have been writing some drafts based on their supplemental prompts.

Please read it and critique it as harshly as you can. I want this essay ripped apart if possible!

Prompt: Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development. 250 Word Limit.

Downtown was abuzz with excitement - the Clippers were playing that afternoon and it seemed like all of Los Angeles had turned up to watch. A short walk away at the LA Convention Center, the air too was electrifying. This year, over 1,700 students walked through the doors of the Los Angeles Convention Center for the 2014 Intel International Science and Engineering Fair. For me, it was a sneak peek of what the future has to offer.

2014's keynote speaker was Mick Ebeling and his message to the contestants was that "Nothing is Impossible." "The Future is Bright!" he exclaimed. Strolling through the Grand Hall, I couldn't help but agree. I stopped in front of project MA032 and listened as the competitor spoke about Monte Carlo protein folding. Just 10 years ago it would have been inconceivable that a student could model amino acid interactions on their laptop, but then again, nothing is impossible. I suddenly felt a sense of belonging. Everyone here had a thirst for knowledge, and the determination to quench it. For one brief week, we were one entity, moving singularly towards a better future and transcending cultural and language divides. Our youthful energy drives us every day to break the bounds of possible, to stride boldly into the territory of impossible, and proclaim, "What's next?" Though I did not win any awards, merely attending ISEF profoundly changed my hopes for tomorrow. The Future is Bright with us at the helm. Scratch that. The Future is Brilliant.