Undergraduate / "freaking awesome" - Why Swarthmore? Supplementary College essay [13]

Here is the latest edit I did... The advice has been so helpful thank you so much!

​With an 8:1 student-to-faculty ratio, and likely a higher tree-to-student ratio, Swarthmore is where I hope to take root.

Swarthmore's small size would bring out the optimal learner in me. Interacting in a close classroom setting with Swarthmore's gifted faculty would challenge me to speak up and defend my thoughts. Verbally elaborating on my ideas would heighten my confidence; Reconciling those ideas with the perspectives of fellow Swats would enlighten me, and embolden me to effect change.

Change-- When I toured Swarthmore last winter there was a note posted outside the dining hall. The note pleaded, "Bring Back the Sriracha." Swatties, armed with knowledge as usual, posted articles in response about Sriracha plants unsafe working conditions. Swarthmore's spirit of activism is a main reason I hope to attend. The privilege of education makes me feel responsible for transforming my knowledge into action. From its casual Sriracha dialogue to its activist organizations, Swarthmore would provide me with an intellectually accepting environment to voice my knowledge.

Voice-- Communicating and taking risks requires knowledge and preparedness; Knowledge and preparedness are gained through a genuine passion for one's studies. My passion develops and grows best when I communicate my ideas and feel supported. My passion would bloom in Swarthmore's noncompetitive yet academic environment.

Attending Swarthmore would be an extremely challenging and exceptional opportunity for me. As I hope to take root at Swarthmore, I hope to grow through the nourishment of its intellectual vigor, quirks and unequaled spirit.

Undergraduate / Experiences / difficult situation / way of fun / contributing - STEM Application [3]

The first one: i wouldn't begin with "what" i would begin by directly referencing what it is that helped you.

Writing Feedback / GRE: People's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making. [3]

Instead of saying you do not fully agree (in the opening paragraph) I would more explicitly state the extent to which you do not believe it. For example maybe categorize the cases in which it is true/untrue. Does that make sense?

Undergraduate / "freaking awesome" - Why Swarthmore? Supplementary College essay [13]

I edited the first body paragraph. Is this headed in a better direction?
Swarthmore's small size and collaborative culture would bring out the optimal learner in me. Interacting in a close classroom setting would challenge me to speak up and demand my ability to defend my thoughts. Verbally elaborating on my ideas would heighten my confidence; Reconciling those ideas with the perspectives of fellow Swats would enlighten me, and embolden me to effect change.

Undergraduate / "freaking awesome" - Why Swarthmore? Supplementary College essay [13]

The parts of the essay where I said "I imagine..." Were meant to show the officer what I would do with the unique aspects of the school. To be clear, do you suggest I made those additions more personal and specific? I did leave that language kind of vague which I suppose I can't afford to do in such a short essay. 250 word limit will be the death of me. Thank you!

Undergraduate / Moving to another state - my parents sent me to California to live with my grandma and uncle [5]

Make sure you keep time indicators consistent! Example: While living with my grandma, I would go with her when she sees her physicians. should be While living with my grandma, I would go with her when she saw her physicians. I would work through each sentence and make sure everything agrees.

Undergraduate / "freaking awesome" - Why Swarthmore? Supplementary College essay [13]

Edited

With an 8:1 student-to-faculty ratio, and probably a much higher tree-to-student ratio, Swarthmore is where I hope to take root.

Swarthmore's size is ideal for meaningful learning. Small classes driven by discussion would expose me to the diverse ideas of my fellow Swats (Swats are an exceptionally diverse group). I imagine learning closely alongside my classmates and piecing together our different perspectives to learn, create and change.

Change-- Swarthmore's spirit of social and political activism is one of the main reasons I am interested in attending. Living wages, access to information, animal rights and feminism, among others, are all issues I feel deeply devoted to; Swarthmore students have organized around all of these.

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Undergraduate / "freaking awesome" - Why Swarthmore? Supplementary College essay [13]

Thank you, I was on the fence about keeping that part and I completely understand your point. I will definitely try to incorporate a meaningful theme. Your advice was very helpful!