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Posts by JuniorR
Name: Ronei da Silva Leonel Junior
Joined: Oct 11, 2014
Last Post: Nov 17, 2014
Threads: 1
Posts: 2  

From: Brazil
School: UEM

Displayed posts: 3
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JuniorR   
Nov 17, 2014
Writing Feedback / Do you support or oppose with the plan of the a new restaurant? TOEFL independent task [4]

. Do you want me to show you how you can further improve this essay as an example of how you can better use English grammar to present your arguments? One other thing, the conclusion became weak because you were not able to properly restate the prompt, summarize the facts, and present your opinion at the end. That is negligible though since the overall content of the essay adhered to the prompt :-)

Hi Vangiespen,

Thank you!

I have a lot of problems to put in practice, in the first time, the rules that I know about modifiers, comparison, verbs tense etc ( It is a problem that I have with the speaking tasks, because I said something wrong and after some seconds I realized that I spoke in the wrong way :-( ). Also, I have problems with vocabulary... I spend much time searching words to express my opinion. Besides, I know that the conclusion is weak, but I yet am not able to write a full essay on time. Now, I follow this way: 1) I write my point; 2) I write second and third paragraphs; 3) I write the introduction and the conclusion; and 4) I write what is possible in the fourth paragraph. Normally, I have four minutes to write the last paragraph and need around thirty or forty words to achieve the 300 words.

I would like to know how I can write my essay in a more polished way!

Thank you so much by the help!
JuniorR   
Nov 17, 2014
Writing Feedback / Do you support or oppose with the plan of the a new restaurant? TOEFL independent task [4]

Although, many people can be opposite for a new restaurant in their neighborhood, personally speaking, I agree with the plan of building a new restaurant in my neighborhood because it represents new options for dinner, increasing the competition among restaurants and new jobs for people living in neighborhood.

First of all, the new restaurant opens new possibilities of choosing for dinner. For example, closest my house always has had one restaurant that makes everyday food. The food has had high quality, but eating the same food that I could eat at home is not so attractive. When an Italian restaurant opened a lot of people were happy with new options to eat. Hence, new restaurant means the new menu and new options of the dishes.

Furthermore, the new restaurant will increase the competition among restaurants, probably the price will decrease. For instance, in my current neighborhood, there are many restaurants that service different kinds of food. No one can set a high price because the other restaurant will use this fact to attract more consumers. Inversely, when a restaurant creates a promotion with huge discounts for clients, all others will set similar promotions to answer this action. Therefore, the new restaurant is better to cut off prices and increases the often the people in eating out.

Besides, the new restaurant will need of employees that may be contracted in the neighborhood. I remember that when I was searching for my first job, every company searched for professionals with experience, but I did not have experience. My first job was in a restaurant close to my house. It was so perfect for me, because the restaurant receives new employees without experience.

All in All, I think that the new restaurant has more advantages to the neighborhood than disadvantages. Everyone wishes to eat a great and healthy food without spending a lot of money or time to do it.
JuniorR   
Nov 1, 2014
Writing Feedback / Travelling in a group you will have to fully rely on your leader or your members [3]

Although, it is better to travel in a group led by a tour guide. However, travelling that way

Hi Vns9x,

I believe that you need to explain in the introduction if you agree or disagree with statement because it is not clear to the reader your opinion about topic until conclusion. Maybe you could write something like "Although, some persons think that travel in a group led by a tour guide is the best way to travel, in my view...

I am not totally comfortable in give you a score, but I would rate your essay with a score 3 of 5...

Jr
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