Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by Laurenm14
Name: Lauren Mullis
Joined: Nov 5, 2014
Last Post: Nov 20, 2014
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  

From: United States of America
School: Saint Brendan High School

Displayed posts: 5
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
Laurenm14   
Nov 20, 2014
Undergraduate / "Acorn" As I sat on the cold, dewy grass, warming tears flooded down my face. [4]

Prompt:
2. How has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are?
4. What qualities do you have that can contribute to the UCF community?


Both are incorporated into one essay!

Acorn
As I sat on the cold, dewy grass, warming tears flooded down my face. Each crack in my mother's voice was followed by hard sobbing. Little did I know that this gloomy day in Boston was foreshadowing the news that I would later find out. I did not know much about my grandmother except for the fact that she passed away when my mother was ten. My mother decided it was time to tell me and my brothers the story of my grandmother. Her name was Elisabeth Gruhn and she was a bright and strong woman. During the Russian-German war, she was 13 and had to be shipped off alone dressed as a young boy due to the gruesome acts performed by the Russian soldiers to the women in Germany. As she grew older she decided to pursue a higher education and attended North-Eastern University in Boston. She had little to no belongings and had minimal knowledge of the English language. There she met my grandfather who was fortunately able to escape the dictatorship of Fidel Castro in Cuba. They learned English, Spanish, and German from each other and fell in love. That following August my mother was born and ten short years later, Elisabeth died of several different cancers.

I never was able to truly identify myself with a family member until I learned about my grandmother. Learning about her history has shaped me entirely. Her bravery is inspiring to me and her strength reminds me that I too can do anything if I work for it. As I grow older, I see qualities of strength, determination, independence, and a desire to succeed in myself. Each of these qualities were eminent in my grandmother and I continue to strengthen these qualities as I gain experience. I feel that these qualities are vital in an aspiring student. These qualities have many things to offer to the University of Central Florida. My strength will remind me that I can accomplish anything despite all odds, distractions, or obstacles. The determination I have has powered me throughout my high school career by helping me maintain focus on what is important and will help me do the same in my college career. My independence has shaped me in the fact that I can depend on myself in my studies and everyday life. My desire to succeed has always existed within me and helps push me to reach my goals. Each of these qualities will contribute greatly to the UCF community by shaping me into a well-rounded student and pushing myself to the best of my ability.

As I wiped away my tears and began to stand, I wanted to leave something at the grave to symbolize the impact she made. I look around for a while and found an acorn and placed it on top of her grave. It fit perfectly due to the fact that it is the fruit from an Oak Tree. An Oak Tree is strong, beautiful, and impactful on the land that they stand on. An acorn is a fruit of this magnificent tree that is hoping to one day become an Oak Tree as well. I felt that this was fitting towards the aspirations I developed after hearing her story and the woman I am in progress of becoming.
Laurenm14   
Nov 6, 2014
Undergraduate / "The minute that you're not learning I believe you're dead" - FSU application essay [3]

When I was 11 my mother was finally granted with the amazing opportunity to move to the United States from Cuba, as we where in the airplane arriving to Miami I could see the entire shape of the city because of all the colorful bright lights emanating from the buildings and busy streets down below, I thought to my self as the airplane was descending how I was going to make it in what for me was a whole new world, different language, different culture and most of all how I was going to make it in the country of the typical white man with blond hair and blue eyes that would always go photograph my friends and I in our classrooms as if he had never seen such thing.

This is a huge run on sentence & had errors so try doing it like so:

When I was eleven , my mother was finally granted with the amazing opportunity to move to the United States from Cuba. As we were in the airplane arriving to Miami, I could see the entire shape of the city because of all the colorful bright lights emanating from the buildings and busy streets down below. I thought to my self as the airplane was descending how I was going to make it in what was for me, a whole new world. Miami had a different language, culture and most of all appearance. How was I going to make it in the country of the typical white man with blonde hair and blue eyes?
Laurenm14   
Nov 5, 2014
Undergraduate / Just like someone chooses a partner for the rest of their life, I fell in love with Colorado College [3]

The innovative and unique block plan amused me, the opportunity to focus on a single class during three and a half weeks without having to stress about another six or ten classes was perfect for me. This fitted on my perfectly as I am a person of focusing on one thing at a time and excelling at it than doing several actions and not being able to complete them.

In red: I'm sure you forgot to add a word just make sure to!

- after "The innovative and unique block plan amused me" put a ";" instead of the comma

- for the sentence in your third paragraph beginning with "Even though," delete the comma after even though.

- change the "I would love to have more experiences in another country" to "I would love to have more experiences in other countries"

If you get the chance, please read mine!! Thanks :)
Laurenm14   
Nov 5, 2014
Undergraduate / "Benvenuti in Italia!" - A part of who I am is Capri, Italy - FSU 2015 Summer Essay [4]

Florida State University is more than just a world-class academic institution preparing you for a future career. We are a caring community of well-rounded individuals who embrace leadership, learning, service, and global awareness. With this in mind, which of these characteristics appeals most to you and why?

"Benvenuti in Italia!" This statement was echoed among the people of the beautiful Capri, Italy. This was my first time visiting Europe and only my second time out of the country. As soon as I saw the crystal waters, I knew I had fallen in love with the small yet shimmering island of Capri. Among the cobblestone paved roads were tiny finches who chirped in a glorious harmony. As I walked, they followed me up the hills onto a narrow street surrounded by beautiful bright white abodes. There, I encountered a young boy who was savoring the last few bits of his lemon gelato. He seemed so captivated by the fact that I have never had gelato and persisted that I should try it. I had the most delicious and refreshing gelato in a small shop in Capri. This was among my many firsts in this beautiful city.

"Ciao! Ciao! Buon giorno!" These were the first words I learned in Capri and I said it as often as I could. I started picking up on the foreign words and even the fashion. I purchased my first silk scarf and wore it around proudly. This culture was inspiring and enchanting to me because of the essence of unfamiliarity. As I bent over on a small boat to fit into the opening of the Blue Grotto, I was hypnotized by the glowing blue waters. At that very moment I realized that I was craving more. I was craving even more opportunity, adventure, and discovery. I wanted to stay and absorb more of Capri and what it offered but unfortunately I had to return home. The images of the sparkling waters, cloudless skies, and enthralling language will always be a part of me and molded how I view the world. I view the world as undiscovered and full of opportunities for self-exploration. Italy was a piece in the puzzle of my journey of self discovery that I embarked on in Capri.

Florida State University is my primary choice due to many reasons but especially their opportunities to become globally aware. Reading the "Nole Reservations" blog only served as reassurance to my decision to apply to Florida State as my top choice. The ability to offer students familiarity with a different culture is so impactful and a truly beautiful experience. A part of who I am is Capri, Italy. Just from that one vacation, I found a big part of myself. I found my passion for traveling and my determination for success. Florida State University's International Programs will help me continue on my path to self discovery and fuel my passion and determination. I believe that these programs are much more than an opportunity to study in a different country, I believe that they are and opportunity to discover yourself. Looking at the scarf

tied around my bed post, I realize that there is so much more to the world that I am not aware of yet. Florida State can help satisfy this wanting for further global and self awareness.
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳