Graduate / I am committed to helping children transition into their next life stage - Statement of Intent [4]

So, as it is now, your essay is very professional and adequately expresses your wish to further your education. However, I see that perhaps you could throw in a few specific bits of info pertaining to a specific school here and there to make them a little bit more convinced as to why they should accept you into their school.

Next, I would like to say that I'm not at all familiar with graduate admissions, but I think that adding a little flair to any essay is good. I think that if you added in a bit of an emotional appeal in the fact that you are passionate about helping children and furthering your education in speech pathology will help you do that, this will also make it a more convincing essay. I'm not sure this needs to be its own section, but instead could be added by saying things here and there about your passion for the field.

As I said, I'm not too familiar with grad school admissions, so I can't know how this compares to other candidates' essays, but right now I think this stands at a 7. It's not boring by any means, which is very good and kept me from being uninterested.

As a side note:


I think this would sound better tense-wise as: "My most interesting case so far has been addressing..."

Essays / Display of sexism(or) gender roles (or) communism (or) Christianity in (MOVIE TITLE) [6]

Do you have any ideas jotted down so far, or rough theses? If you provided these, it would give a better place for me to jump off in giving you specific tips.

Undergraduate / Red Cross volunteering - a huge step towards my goals in the medical profession [6]

I enjoyed reading this short essay, and I think admissions counselors will as well. However, the introduction to your essay is fairly generic. Perhaps you could begin by opening with some specific anecdote or even commentary about the mission of the Red Cross. From there, you could bring it more specifically to your experience.

The last thing you want to do is bore an admissions counselor. And while your essay is definitely not boring, the introduction may cause the reader to lose interest before getting to the bulk of the essay. This shouldn't be too hard to fix, and I think your essay will be very strong once it is done.