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GRE analytical writing ..TOPIC (preservation on endangered species) [7]
For the GRE, you must also pay attention to your punctuation, grammar, etc. They will let a few minor errors slip by, but if too many "minor errors" are present, you will lose a point. Make sure you always have a space after a (.)period. Do not use a space before a (,)comma. Capitalize the first letter of a new sentence. Use a (,)comma after the phrase "for example."
You do need to pay attention to Simone's advice too. I edited this to give you an idea of how to better use your grammar, punctuation etc. I did not edit your argument.
"The speaker asserts over the period of time many species have become extinct and
Wewe should not make extraordinary efforts and spend any major resources for saving these species. In my point of view
the author is right but there are certain points
whichthat need
s to be considered before making any conclusion about where and how much human effort
sareis required for
the preservation of endangered species.
Our society is already facing many problems today which need
s immediate
attention
.
Ff or example
,problem of hunger
problemsand diseases
, which
isare very visible and tak
inge many human lives today ha
sve more importance
thenthan thinking about other species.
Tt hese problems should be given priorit
iesy in term
s of resource
s ,
so that we can make
the world a better place
(for the?) of human species at least.
The problems related to human survival should take more precedence then any other species.
Although there are many species
whichthat are dying because of natural process,
the human race is also responsible for some of
thesethis .
TheKk illing of
manymuch marine and wild life for their skin or other valuable products from their bodies can
not
(cannot should be one word) be termed as a natural process. We need to take steps to stop poaching and killing
, which
isare products of human greed rather then nature.
For example
,Ll ions are killed for skin
,and elephants
are killed for the
ir precious teeth. These kind
s of atrocities on animals can be restricted by very minimal efforts and do not require large resources.
We can curb these by creating more sanctuaries and making stringent laws against such actions.
Many species are required to maintain the balance of life-cycle.
althoughtT here are other purposes that some animals and species serve
s in social and spiritual context
s .
For example
,the national animal of many countries are species
,whichthat are symbol
s of prestige. Many species have
religionsreligious feelings attached to them by societies.
For example
,the cow is considered
as holy
isby many communities in India.
sS o
,forfrom spiritual and social point
s of view
, we need certain steps
into sav
inge some of the species.
In conclusion , I agree that we need to set our priorities for utilization of resources and make them more available for human species
, but we also tend to care for other species
whichthat are becoming target
s of our greed and not dying because of natural process. We
can notcannot afford extraordinary efforts but
at least we can do whatever is feasible and make other species survive too."