Posts by samiisprink

samiisprink

Dec 23, 2014

Scholarship / It was one my best volunteering experiences. 2nd Scholarship Essay for Transferring Colleges [2]

A personal leadership experience that has greatly impacted my development is when I volunteered at a nursing home. It was one my best volunteering experiences.

Volunteering there had a huge impact on me because it solidified my ambition to work in the health care field. I came to realize that it is one thing to say that you want to achieve something, but when you have the opportunity to experience it, it can completely change your out look on what you want to achieve. Thankfully for me, it was for the better.

Volunteering there also impacted me socially. I met and worked with amazing people that I will always remember. It also helped me learn that I need to communicate more with the people that I work with. One important trait the had an impact on me was not to micromanage. Just because I was in charge it doesn't mean that I have to do everything myself. Mostly, not to take criticism to heart and to learn and grow from it.

There are many things that I learned while volunteering at a nursing home. Most of them having to do with being a better leader and worker in a group. Even though I have learned many things I know that there is plenty more to learn and experience.

Any comments and suggestions?
Thank you in advance,
Ashley

samiisprink

Dec 23, 2014

Undergraduate / My house doesn't have any framed college diplomas hanging on the walls - my dad is my hero [2]

Indent paragraph Growing up in a lower-middle-class house, in one of the poorest neighborhoods in Peru, my [dad's concern was not to provide me with the best clothes or the best toys, but rather how to get enough money to support me and my education. He did not want me to follow in his footsteps and drop my dreams of becoming a professional just because we didn't have the money to pay for a higher education. He tried the best he could to give me the best education. I didn't understand back them why he was so obsessed with my education, but now I do.

Indent paragraph Eighteen years later , I can thank my dad because I know my life is better from the one I had back in Peru. Although I am aware of this I can't help but compare my life to the ones of my American friends ~~have~~ .I feel irritated every time I visit my friends ,~~and~~ see the college diplomas of my friends' parents on the walls, and how they share dinner with both of their parents~~, I feel irritated~~ . I know that all of the diplomas of my friends' parents are evidence of their hard work, but for me, it is a reminder of all the things I don't have and how different my life is from theirs. My house doesn't have any framed college diplomas hanging on the walls, instead they hold pictures of my grandparents, aunts, and cousins from Peru. I don't get to share dinner every night with both of my parents, instead I eat alone at a table every night. My dad can't eat with me because he has to sleep in order to wake up at midnight for work. I don't live in my house alone, as my friends' family does. I ~~have to~~ live with two other people that rent the two rooms we don't occupy , because my dad's salary is not enough to pay for rent and other expenses.Unlike my friends' parents, my dad doesn't have a full time job. He has a part time job at UPS loading cars that distribute ~~the~~ packages. His clothes are always dirty and a little torn from having to carry the packages every morning. I know how hard his work is,because I hear him complain about his back pain every midnight when he goes to go work~~. but~~. I know there must be a reason that has motivated him to do this job for twelve years with the same will and determination that he has had since the first day of his job.

Indent paragraph Every time I come back from school, I see him, with his face visibly tired from work, sitting at the kitchen table waiting for me ,just to ask me how my day was. He never says how tired he is, but he doesn't have to. I see how hard he tries to keep his eyes open ~~to not fall sleep~~ just to listen to me. Knowing how much effort it takes for him to sacrifice his few hours of sleep to spend time with me makes me value even more the time we spend together. He could be sleeping in his bed, instead he chooses to spend that time with me. My dad might not have a college degree but his effort and belief that his daughter is worth the sacrifice is certainly a present to me every day.

I cannot find the precise words to describe what a great person my dad is and the great impact that he has in my life. I hope one day I could make his sacrifice worth it by walking across the stage of a university and finally receiving my degree.

Those are all of the mistakes I could find, but I would have someone else read it. Also, I would had at least 3 more sentence to the end, because the paragraph is too short. Also, in the beginning you should put what type of professional.

samiisprink

Dec 23, 2014

Scholarship / One of the few object that is very important to me is my piano - Essay for Transferring Colleges [5]

Thank you for the corrections. I'm new here and I was wondering if I could repost my corrected essay in the same thread. Also, if I did, if you don't mind could you reread it for me please to make sure it's good. I'm not really good at writing essays. Thank you again.

samiisprink

Dec 22, 2014

Scholarship / One of the few object that is very important to me is my piano - Essay for Transferring Colleges [5]

1)In an essay, describe one object that is important to you. Explain what values it represents, and comment on those values. No more than 500 words.

Most people would've easily answered this question and come up with hundreds of things that are important to them. I on the other hand, had to really think about what to write when I answered this question. I have things that I like and enjoy, but there aren't many things that I couldn't live without. One of the few objects that is very important to me is my piano. I've owned the same piano for almost 10 years. It is important to me because it has helped me learn to appreciate all music, valuable life lessons, and what it means to be passionate about something.

My piano is important to me because it has helped me learn to appreciate all music. Before I started playing I only listened to cheesy pop music. While I was learning how to play, I became obsessed with classical music and I only played classical pieces. As the years went by, I started to play different genres of music, until I was completely immersed in all types of music. I have learned that there are more genres of music worth playing than just classical and that they are all beautiful. Whether I enjoy listening or playing that particular song or not, all music has become important to me.

My piano has also taught me valuable life lessons. One lesson being the importance of hard work and determination. One of the most challenging parts about playing the piano is learning all of the time signatures, symbols, rhythms, and having to memorize all of them for one piece of music. Frustration is a common side effect and it takes an abundance of determination to cancel it out. Patience is also something that I learned. Learning one piece could take months to learn. Every time I start learning a new song it challenges my patience. Especially when I've been stuck on the same part of a song for weeks. Even though this sounds tiring, I treasure these moments every time I play because I know in the end it is worth it.

The most important value that I have learned is passion. It is an amazing feeling to sit in front of an instrument and and know that by just pressing a few keys you can create something beautiful. The feeling of my heart getting chills when I play that perfect cord or when I get goosebumps because I know I've played something amazing is the best feeling in the world. It is these feelings that give me the passion to play every day.

My piano is one of the few important things in my life that are important to me. It has taught me to appreciate all music, valuable life lessons, and what I am passionate about. It is amazing to think there is so much value in a simple object given to me a decade ago and as time goes by, I will find even reasons as to why it is important to me.

I would appreciate comments and suggestions. Thank you!