Posts by dash

dash

Jan 4, 2015

Undergraduate / Discovery shuttle with crew STS 105 - I have loved aerospace since I was a child. [5]

Very Good Selection of points...Very good Essay.
You're telling the reader you that you want to pursue aerospace.Don't mention this in your first line.
Try to make your beginning more interesting. This will generate more interest in your essay and will make your essay more competitive.
Try to make this your first sentence:
Fascinated by the mysteries of space and the extraordinary technology that allowed man to travel to space; this experience sparked a passion that would lead me to pursue understanding how this technology worked.

Once again Very good.

dash

Jan 2, 2015

Undergraduate / Stanford roommate Essay-With me, you will never enter the wrong room [2]

Very good selection of words.
You can also add , that you can learn somethings from your rommie.
As you can add as how you can work together to get along well and make the coming year special and exciting.
Again Very Good.

dash

Jan 2, 2015

Scholarship / The routine of my family - we are separated from ourselves. Gates Millennium Scholarship Essay [10]

Very Good Points...
But try to mention something positive too. I personally feel that you essay has brilliant points, but is a little to negative.
Mention something positive points of your life.
Try to mention what you learned from it, and describe how you applied it to your life.

dash

Jan 2, 2015

Undergraduate / The life of a middle class family is like a roller coaster - my 1st essay for transfer application. [5]

Thanks for the suggestion..
I will try molding my essay with a different community.

dash

Dec 26, 2014

Undergraduate / The life of a middle class family is like a roller coaster - my 1st essay for transfer application. [5]

*Any grammatical mistakes as well as new points are welcomed(300 word limit).

Essay #1 (Required for all applicants. Approximately 250 words)
Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it.

What is a Community? My definition of a community is a group that shares same aspirations,
morals and to a larger extent have the same goals for the future. The most relevant
community I find myself in, is with my part-time job's team. I was also among the most
Americans, whose first job is in the fast food industry. The very first day I met my team, I
did find a lot of similarities within us. We all studied, at the same time trying our level best
to self-sustain doing a part-time job. To work with full energy and also at the same time cope
up with exams and homework is tough. But, we all have a dream for a brighter future that
makes us work even harder and to try to achieve all the Success in life. From a regular
employee to Assistant Manager, my journey with my team has been great. I try to learn in
every way from my team, also giving back to my team, my Experiences. This I feel makes us
really special that we would work together and learn something every time while serving
people. To be the leader of a team is special for me as I think I can show the correct path to
them while taking feedback and continuously improving too. My role in my community is to
continue serving people in the best way possible and try gain as well as teach something to
my team so that we all can be better human being in our lives. I have had the pleasure of
learning so much from my community, it has made me more patient and help me mold in a
way that I can now work even in the worst circumstances.