Graduate / My thesis led me to a deeper understanding of what the future holds for me. [5]

Louisa! I've reviewed the Sop could you take a glance on it? thank you very much!

Globalization has brought new challenges for economies. Today's manager must equip himself with the tools and techniques provided by academic understanding and mostly he has to have a multicultural background to assimilate the dynamicity of the globalization. Owning both of these qualifications, I strongly hope to hone my specialization skill at XXX business school.

The first time I realized that I'd like to spend my entire life on the supply chain is when, during the third year of my undergraduate course, our Manufacturing System Engineering course professor brought us to the Peroni beer farm. I spent the entire day in learning production process from the real instead of the theoretical books - from the row material washing process to the bottling and canning system - and drinking beer. I remember the attraction I felt staring the vibrant conveyor belt where the Universal Corporation's tobacco were selected, the mechanical braces which blended the Algida's cream before iced or the bottle machines which sealed the Tsingtao beers.

I come from a lineage of engineers. By my kin's influence, I always exceeded in math and problem solving, and it's also for this reason that I chose to study Management engineering in the most prestigious university of Rome. During my undergraduate studies, I have explored the possibilities of reducing industrial waste and minimizing time and costs by using the correct tools and formulas, such as Lean, Six Sigma and OEE Analysis. I took part in the graduation project in the TUM course (Urban and Metropolitan Transport), simulating a transportation net of buses (by using the Omnitrans program) in the city of Benevento, in Italy. I am also attending the Six Sigma yellow belt certification program of the University. Through what I learnt, I became aware of my interests toward the value chain products. I realized that my ultimate ambition is to manage, equipped with both technical and economical understanding, the entire production process from the producer all the way to the customer.

I was born in China. Due to my parents' work, I moved from Beijing to Rome at the age of 12. Italian became my second mother tongue. This language advantage brought to me many possibilities and challenges through which I realized that I could be an asset in an international industrial environment.

I've been working as language translator since the age of 18, thanks to this work I had possibilities to encounter people from different fields: athletes, politicians, merchants, engineers etc. Through these events, I became more aware about the importance of the languages. While the English is the world official trades language, many people instead prefer to make deals in their native language; it would make them feel at home and guaranteed eventually leading to better purchases. I also entered into the sales retail environment for several months. During this period, I noticed many logistics and stocking problems in my store. Although the stock of products was small, we always losing time in finding products among the shelves, and every time a batch arrive in the store, new products fill up the stock and cause deficit in products picking. I suggested to place the fast moving products near the entrance of the stock and to attach the name of products on the shelves to reduce searching time. I felt that I could do more if I was in the position to make decisions and I am aware I need ulterior education to achieve this goal.

I learnt about XXX business school through Financial Times, knowing it has the best programs among the business schools in the world. After being informed on the master program of Supply Chain Management and Purchasing, I was enchanted about the idea to get into the course. The program of SCMP offers a harmonious combination between the technical knowledge on Supply Chain and the managerial understanding on Purchasing and, the possibility of internship projects with great international companies is appealing. Being an engineer with managerial background, I strongly believe that the Program of SCMP at XXX Business School will cater to my interests and guide me in the right directions towards achieving my goals.

Moreover, XXX has a very high rate of cultural diversity. It is also for this reason that I aim to be part of XXX. I would like to hone my skill to handle differences and learn about more cultures. If given an opportunity to do master's, I assure that my work would not fall short of your expectations. I hope that you will find in me a deserving and creditable student for XXX.

Graduate / My thesis led me to a deeper understanding of what the future holds for me. [5]

Hi Louisa, thank you for your time! I have not many professional experiences concerning the Supply chain management not to mention purchasing. I worked as sales assistant and I am a translator. I don't think neither of them can be useful to help me to gain points...

Have you any suggestion? how can I change this essay without all those work experiences?

Thank you in advance!!

Undergraduate / My Father taught me the meaning of generosity, the importance of excellence and the value of honesty [3]

Hi, I read the essay and I make some points:
first, the 1^ par(who I am owes it all to him because he had raised me in the best way he knew how to. He taught me the meaning of generosity, ) and the second(he portrays excellence in serving his clients by going the extra mile for them: throughout the entire sales process from providing all the information to his clients even though they may have just met for the first time till the after-sales service to ensure that everything went well which made his clients really happy. ) was incomprehensible

second, since you have just 300 words space, you have to be brief and compelling. You used 3 lines to make an example on your father but any examples on the influence he has had on you. So what is exactly the influence he has had on you?

third, in the last sentence of the 2^ par, you used 'even though'. You did not make any effective connection between 'hard working' and 'generosity', these 2 qualities are not in mutual exclusion.

I suggest you to lighten you father's job part, sum up it and talk about what you did done influenced by these positive virtues

have a nice day!

Writing Feedback / Trees are utilized in making paper and wood products, water is source of energy - natural resources [2]

Hi! Very good points, but I think you should also add some observation. Since we still can't substitute all renewable resources with artificial ones, what are the negative impacts brought from the projects of eradication you argued above? Just a point of view:P Have a nice day

Graduate / The first important challenge my generation should aware is the Energy Sustainability [9]

Thank you very much Luisa, I really like the changes you made, you included all my ideas in more concise words. If you don't mind I'll fully use it! Thank you again!

Graduate / The first important challenge my generation should aware is the Energy Sustainability [9]

Hello Luisa, I really thank you for helping me!

I re-corrected the last 2 par. And I think I'm out of new ideas. Tell me what do you think, or if you have some idea to advice. Thank you in advance!

[...]One of the most important challenges my generation should be aware of is Energy Sustainability. The result of the fast developments of many developing and developed countries, through the last 30 years, is a monstrous amount of pollution spread on our Mother Earth. The excess generation of carbon dioxide covered the sky and blocked humans' breath. This pollution is the main cause of global warming, extinction of species and development of dangerous diseases among humanity due to the grimy air. Continuing on this path, it won't be long before earth becomes uninhabitable. To resolve this arduous problem, the new generations should challenge traditional ways to obtain power from petrol and carbon, seeking technologies which use renewable energies such as wind, electrical and sun to cover the entire world power demand. In parallel, are also quite important the reduction of CO2 emission and the waste management. Since wastes increase production of CO2 and impoverishes the rough materials, it has to be controlled. Indeed, the actual professions as Supply chain manager or Logistics manager mainly deal with the problem of optimization of resources.

There are other important challenges, as the global economical crisis, the formation of newborn generation, the global decrease of basic resources as water. Along with the issue of Energy sustainability, all these arguments are key challenges my generation has to face and try to solve.

Graduate / The first important challenge my generation should aware is the Energy Sustainability [9]

Vangiespen:
I do think you are right, having only 2000 characters available I had some problems. Also the arguments a made were partial. I corrected the last 2 paragraphs could you take a glance on it? and tell how do you think..

Thank you!

[...]Continuing on this path, it won't be long before earth becomes uninhabitable. To resolve this arduous problem, scientists are seeking ways to reduce the consumption of petrol, carbon and wooded fuels substituting old fueled technologies with new techs powered by wind, sun, electrical powers etc. Recently, the world's most polluted countries, China and US made the pledge to reduce their emission within the 2030. However, developing alternative technologies to cover the energy consumption of the entire world population should be the priority the new generation has to deal.

There are other important challenges, as the global economical crisis, the formation of newborn generation, the global decrease of basic resources as water. Along with the issue of Energy sustainability, all these arguments are key challenges my generation has to face and try to solve.

Graduate / Management Engineering was not difficult to me (luxury management), an important learning experience [3]

Thelearner : You are right indeed, what I said brought others to think I did not recognize an obvious important thing. Thank you!

Any other problems? grammar, other words usages etc? :)

Writing Feedback / If the students study the same nation curriculum then they can equally perform in all the field [3]

I would change more things, however beyond your scripture and grammatical errors, you used India and GRE to develop only one clue idea to support your issue, you should find some other more compelling statements. I took GRE a month ago I also wrote on this issue(with your opposite view). I advice you to organize your analytic writing of a issue in 4-5 parts:

Introduction
Body 1
Body 2(only if you have time)
Qualification --> the opposite point of view, advantage and disadvantage the opposite view has
Conclusion

I hope to have been helpful!

Graduate / The first important challenge my generation should aware is the Energy Sustainability [9]

Thank you very much Luisa! So you think I should dedicate all my argumentation on only one issue? But how about what they asked? 'the key challenges'? don't I need to demonstrate more than one challenge?

Thank you again!