Letters / Here's the plan: you cover the microwave, I got the printer. Stanford roommate essay. [6]

I tried to work on a better hook, and have come to this. If you have the time, please take a look at it and let me know if it works better than the first :) Thanks!

Dear Roommate,

I'm Machy, a 17 year old female who enjoys the beach and terrible puns. Now that formalities are out of the way, here's the plan: you cover the microwave, I got the printer. We can go shopping for a fridge later. We won't need a television, trust me, we won't be able to afford cable haha. But if we get a T.V., you're in luck-I'm a huge cinephile and have great movies. Now, I'm not talking Disney, I mean underrated gold like Mary and Max, movies that make you think. That's what I like in a movie-content that makes you scream, cry, laugh, love, think, be human.

But don't be fooled, for I am not only a cinephile. I also love cats, blogging, and writing. I waste time but I work hard. And don't worry, I will definitely work to keep my side clean and I will completely respect your space. It's actually ironic, I keep my space at school so clean, I've been accused of having OCD. But at home, I'm the opposite. I guess with me, you'll either get the sun or the moon, no stars.

But with me, what will you also get? A Prezi expert, a real feminist, an open Catholic, and a dorm room filled with the scent of Pantene shampoo and multicultural cuisine.

With you, what will I get? Who are you? What do you like? What are you not like? I'd love to know.

Cheers to us,

Machy Joy

Undergraduate / Can't choose essay; 3 supplement prompts are asking me to evaluate on an extra curricular activity [5]

I like your third essay, what you do is very kind and endearing :) But I think you should clarify that you run a volunteer translating service, I was kind of confused as to what your extracurricular activity was. I know it was something to do with translating but I didn't know if you were in a club, or was a volunteer, etc.

Letters / Here's the plan: you cover the microwave, I got the printer. Stanford roommate essay. [6]

Thank you :) I will try to work on a hook :D

Undergraduate / Digging deeper beneath the surface opens a pathway to innovation. Cornell's College Application [9]

The topic if your essay is refreshing :) Your approach and your biological and psychological discoveries are great :D My only concern is the sentences "My inquisitive nature likes to break those boundary walls built by amenity" and "The Instinct Theory of Motivation describes how ones motivating force is determined by his or her nature and instinct" in your essay, specifically the "boundary walls" part, I think just choosing one is good, I feel both are repetitive. For the second sentence, isn't it supposed to be "one's" ?

Other than that, it's a great essay :) great use of ellipsis!