Based on the prompt, you are being asked 'to what extent do you agree with the statement saying that both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem'. As such, you need to discuss:
1. Role of schools and parents 2. Anyone else who are responsible tacking this problem
In this case, you are expected to provide a counter-argument (present the other person's role to solve this issue). If you only raise this issue for schools and parents, I am afraid that you will get a low band score since you do not fully answer the question.
Here is my editing: Children living condition in this modern era is more likely to be unhealthy. Many people believe that schools and parents have responsibility to take action in addressing this issue. While I assertively agree with this idea, I also believe that government and media should be taken into account when it comes to tackling such children's unhealthy lifestyles.
There is an opinion that this matter is responsibility of the teacher and the family to solve it.
Concise writing is always better. This sentence contains unnecessary words, so please be careful with wording. This is my revision: Some people believe that schools and parents have responsibility in addressing this issue. In my point of view, such a revised sentence seems more effective to deliver the meaning of writing.
2. Your thesis statement successfully answered the prompt. Good luck!
Some People say that tourism has many negative effects on the countries that people travel to. (1) How true is this statement? (2) What can tourists do to reduce the harmful effects of tourism on local cultures and environments?
In this case, you are being asked 2 QUESTIONS but unfortunately your thesis statement did not successfully answer it. Lets look at this in your introductory paragraph.
Tourism business has been rise in some countries in the recent era. Some people argue that the increasing number of tourists visiting has some demerits for the country where tourists tend to visit, such as tourists can cause the a damage to the visiting site and sometimes they show less respectful to the local culture and regulation. However, this essay will explain about these effects and what tourists can do to tackle the problem.
If you can see, you only provide a partial answer: 1. How true is this statement? >> ? (I cannot find this answer in your thesis) 2. What can tourists do to reduce the harmful effects of tourism on local cultures and environments? >> However, this essay will explain about these effects and what tourists can do to tackle the problem.
This is a common mistake that candidates miss a point they are being asked to discuss. I am afraid you may get a low band score if you do not answer all parts of the question. But do not worry, what you need is look at the question very carefully and plan your answer afterwards!
Lifestyle of public figures such as actors, singers, or footballers brings the press to take much seriously. I would argue that common people also have a right to be well-known in a part of society when they achieve a success, whereas I totally disagree since they will exaggerate to reveal about their lives.
Hi Norman, I have to say that your thesis statement is quite bewildering since you agree in the first statement, then you refute it afterwards. And actually, this did not successfully answer the prompt. Let me rewrite it:
Lifestyles of public figures such as actors, singers, or footballers have been exposed unreasonably by the media. Ordinary people, on the other hand, are rarely reported in the news. I would argue that common individuals also have a right to be well-known in a part of society even though celebrities' lives, in fact, sound far more exciting for public interests. In this case, the media should have courage to bring ordinary people's stories to the public.
Hope this helps ~ Shinta
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