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Posts by Dev4444
Name: Dev M
Joined: Feb 15, 2015
Last Post: Feb 17, 2015
Threads: 1
Posts: 4  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 5
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Dev4444   
Feb 17, 2015
Book Reports / This novel has received two of eight total awards won by the critically acclaimed "Divergent" [4]

You obviously don't understand what reppetition for effect is. I'm not trying to stress that it is a novel. In this case, the main purpose for the repetition is to say different things about the same book without using and, also, additionally, etc. It also adds a sort of rhythm. And the hook is the awards I mentioned. That's why I don't mention what book it is until the end of the paragraph. I'm trying to hook people in and then get them to continue reading until the end of the paragraph to find out what book it is. Also, I highlighted the end of the essay blue because I know I need to end the story but I don't know how to tie in the awards I mentioned in the beginning.
Dev4444   
Feb 15, 2015
Book Reports / This novel has received two of eight total awards won by the critically acclaimed "Divergent" [4]

I have completed more of my essay, but I haven't finished the first paragraph. The parts written in blue are what I need help on, but I am open for any other suggestions also.

This novel has received two of eight total awards won by the critically acclaimed "Divergent" series, which has already sold more than 30 million copies, and is currently being adapted to film. This novel... This novel is Veronica Roth's Insurgent, a compelling story that everyone should read because it has the components of multiple genres, it is filled with vivid imagery, and it includes a variety of fascinating characters.

First, Insurgent...

In addition, the novel includes detailed imagery and descriptions of action, which makes the story easier to understand for the reader. For example, on page 249 of the book, the main character, Beatrice, is on a mission with a few of her friends and acquaintances that will take place on a bridge. She describes this by saying to the reader, "It is still dark, but just barely, when we reach the bridge, which is two-tiered, with stone pillars at each corner. We descend the stairs next to one of the stone pillars and creep with silent feet at river level. Large puddles of standing water gleam as the light of day hits them. The sun is rising; we have to get into position" This allows the reader to imagine the characters' environment and actions, making it much easier to follow the story and understand what is happening during each "scene". Roth includes descriptions similar to this frequently throughout the book; almost every page has at least one detailed paragraph explaining action or setting. This ensures that the reader is not confused about anything while reading, making this book even more exciting and enjoyable.

Lastly, the novel includes many different characters that are all unique and easy to relate to. Take Beatrice, for example. She is impulsive, hates showing weakness, she judges herself, and she constantly blames herself for things that aren't necessarily in her power. She is also 16 years old, and is trying to figure out what love really is. All of Beatrice's characteristics are common, making her extremely relatable. There are other characters, such as Tobias, a secondary character, who can be related to because of something they feel nobody else understands. Tobias's father beat him when he was a child, and his mother left, leaving him alone with his abusive father. Later, he is reunited with both parents, and chooses to forgive only his mother. Beatrice does not understand this, and criticizes Tobias. She says, "I don't trust her. I think she's trying to use you." He then ends their conversation with, "Don't talk about my mother that way." Tobias is dealing with a situation that can't be understood without experience. Readers that have dealt with something similar to this can relate to him. When the reader feels that they have a connection with a character in a book, it makes it all the more interesting.

In conclusion, Veronica Roth's Insurgent includes many different genres, very detailed descriptions of action and setting, and a plethora of unique personalities that anyone can relate to, therefore making it a good read for anyone. ...

As for that last blue part, I need a way to end the essay. I'm thinking that a good call to action would obviously be to tell the reader to read the book, but I feel like I need more than just that.
Dev4444   
Feb 15, 2015
Undergraduate / The transition is frightening, really. However, I remain unchanged. [2]

I am not really sure how to help, since you are much higher than me as far as grade level, writing ability, etc, and because I have no idea what most of this is. But I might be able to help with sentence structure, punctuation, grammar, etc.

In the second sentence I see some places where commas are needed. So it would be "from how we attend our next classes, to teaching styles, to the students themselves." Because you are, in a sense, jumping from each idea to the next, so use commas to separate the ideas. Also, in the beginning of the second paragraph, add a comma after the transition "To start off".

In the second paragraph, when you explain different things you want to do, instead of saying "I want to" or "I would love to", maybe you can say "I aspire to" or "I dream of". Just a small change of words to add some depth to it.

Other than that, great essay.
Dev4444   
Feb 15, 2015
Writing Feedback / Television and its powerful influences; can simultaneously benefit and ruin our cultural development [3]

Are you allowed to do research on this assignment? I ask because in your first paragraph you claim that people tend to watch television for 6 hours a day. If you are allowed to research information, I would suggest finding a study, a researcher, or a professional in this field that you can quote from that can support this claim.

Also, your next sentence is good, but may need some reworking. I think you can say "This can be a negative influence on our society, or it can be a positive influence on our cultural development." Something along those lines maybe. And I like how with the positive influence part of that sentence you go even further and explain how it can aid in cultural development. I suggest doing the same with the negative part of the sentence also. Saying that it has a negative impact on society is a bit vague. Maybe you can replace "society" with a specific part of society, as you did with the cultural development. :)
Dev4444   
Feb 15, 2015
Book Reports / This novel has received two of eight total awards won by the critically acclaimed "Divergent" [4]

Write an essay persuading someone to read a book/author/series. Must be 5 paragraphs.

Format:
1st paragraph must include a hook and thesis (Thesis must include your main idea, along with three claims that support this idea)
Body paragraphs must elaborate the claims stated in your thesis (One paragraph per claim)
5th paragraph must include a restate of the thesis, and a concluding sentence (Preferably with a call to action)

I am not done with my essay yet, but I will post pieces of it until I am finished:
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