Writing Feedback / Forcing visitors to behave like host country would not bring anything new - no good changes for host [3]

Good day,
I see too many vacuity words like: in contrast, to sum it up, to begin with, as a result, however, moreover and other. You often use them at the very beginning of the sentence. And it seems to me when I read this essay that You are just trying to fulfill the characters number task, but not the point of the essay.

Undergraduate / An Experience that has been particularly meaningful to me is when I gave birth to my son. FAMU Essay [3]

Hi,
everthing in my life error and
at you, that you should still finish what you started no need to put THAT over there