Posts by Anushka

Anushka

Apr 16, 2015

Writing Feedback / The improvement of technology, transportation, communication and infrastucture in the last 100 years [4]

You could write a good essay but take note of the following things:

1. Proofread. Always read your essay to check for spelling mistakes or grammatical errors.
2. You should give more than one example.

In these days, life is more comfortable than a ~~decade~~century (i think century is more appropriate since the question mentions 100 years) ago. As such, the improvement of technology, transportation, communication and infrastructure have added a lot bringing betterment to the life of people . However, advances in technology have caused a problem like global warming. Therefore, I personally believe that life would be easier than 100 years ago. <<Easier when? Which argument are you making? Your initial statement says that technology has caused a problem but your thesis says that life is easier now? This is contradictory. So you could write: Therefore, I personally believe that life would have been easier a 100 years ago than now. or Change the sentence before your thesis to something that supports your thesis statement.

~~Because~~With the advancement of technology many problems have happened, many new problems have come to the scene, but the most popular is global warming. For this reason, modern technology has proven thatdamaging to the whole environment. For instance, nuclear power ~~which~~ has drawbacks that will not reduce carbon emissions . As a matter of fact, this reduces the amount of oxygen and would make people's life unhealthy. It is evident that technology would ~~make~~pose a dangerous problem for environment.

In contrast, many people think that in this modern era, life is far more convenient than a decade ago. Firstly, the ~~amount~~development of technology has ~~found, so~~helped people to finish their work effortlessly. Also, ~~fast~~ transportation has been created in order to be easy offor the people. As a result, they are able to manage and to save their time properly. ~~Therefore,~~Similarly, communication has become much easier and fast as internet, smartphone, television are available in these days, so there is no need to write a long descriptive letters and wait for the response. In addition, infrastructure has been changed for the better as it has upgraded the standard of travelling. Thus, people could use airplane or train only in few hours while it was not possible several years ago.

In conclusion, although some people argue that living in 100 years ago would behave prevented global warming problem, I firmly believe that the standard of life is far better than the past since people have more facilities for continuing their lives due to the ~~movement~~development of technology, infrastructure and communication.

Anushka

Apr 15, 2015

Writing Feedback / Nowadays nothing is private: our culture has become too confessional and self-expressive. [6]

Thank you for your review! But do I even edit the essay prompt? You even edited the essay prompt.

Anushka

Apr 14, 2015

Writing Feedback / Nowadays nothing is private: our culture has become too confessional and self-expressive. [6]

I have just started practising for my SATs so please review my essay here. This essay prompt was from an online practise SAT test. I think I can improve this essay more but I don't know where to start.

Essay Prompt:
Nowadays nothing is private: our culture has become too confessional and self-expressive. People think that to hide one's thoughts or feelings is to pretend not to have those thoughts or feelings. They assume that honesty requires one to express every inclination and impulse.

Adapted from J. David Velleman, "The Genesis of Shame"

I had that bad habit of using Facebook a lot. I opened my account several times a day just to check up on what was happening and all that there was on my news feed were my so called Facebook friends sharing one thing or the other. Some of them expressing their love for someone, a guy updating a status of how his heart was broken, a girl who always updated statuses #dedicated to her "someone". I would prefer they were kept private.

We can voice our thoughts on matter of national importance or some kind of importance that can help other people. For instance, when a girl is raped and murdered and the criminal has not been caught, it is appropriate to voice our thoughts against this injustice. However, we should not go all out and start badmouthing the criminal. There has to be decency in expressing ourselves.

In a different instance, when there is an issue between a husband and a wife, the husband should not be posting his household problems on Facebook statuses but should try to amend those problems. It is a matter of ethics as well. It is just not right to be sharing these problems which are meant to be known only between the parties involved. No one would want to be unnecessarily pitied or being teased because of his or her problems.

We all seem to think that sharing our problems this way will elevate us from the deep mess we are in but it does not. The small rush of satisfaction we get from sharing our thoughts which are better to be penned in a personal diary should not be trapping us in the cycle where we share our most intimate thoughts as well.

In comparison some people can argue that being self-expressive and confessional can help us, mentally, to deal with them. There is a story that goes around where a person travels from house to house, neighborhood to neighborhood sharing his problems as other people share their problems as well, to him. This helps him to deal with his own problems as he realizes he is not the only one going through the same difficulties. Now, this story is just repeated in social media sites where expression has become the heart of every topic.

All in all, I believe self expression is good as long as it is creative.Like through the expression of art, a song or a poem. There were poets and artists and romantics in the old days as there are in the modern day, just hidden behind their screens now. Other than that, I believe some things that are too intimate are better kept private within the spaces of our mind. I also use Facebook only twice a week now just to check up on things and hopefully avoiding reading a drama between the news feeds.