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Posts by paddoo
Name: Mohamad Padri
Joined: Jun 30, 2015
Last Post: Apr 29, 2016
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  
Likes: 3
From: Indonesia
School: English Studio

Displayed posts: 5
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paddoo   
Apr 29, 2016
Graduate / 'my deep rooted interest in geology' - A motivation essay in helping to pursue my graduate studies [3]

Hi Nyora,

it is a good statement already. you can explain your passion, your background of education specifically, and why they have to choose you. In some cases, i often notice people try to put the heartbreaking or strong background in the introduction part or within the first or second paragraph. because we cannot deny some of the committee or skimmer will not read the whole statement if they cannot find something interesting in the former part. so, i suggest you to briefly introduce yourself and put your strong reason why you apply or want to be and teh story behind it. i hope it can help you.
paddoo   
Aug 4, 2015
Scholarship / Motivation letter for scholarship in Italy - the world of art, creativity and design. [2]

Hi Yaso,
your essay is good. you explain your interest very well. Yet, there are a few kinds additional information in which you can add. firstly, you might have to explain your personal reason or something that happened in your live which effected you to choose this course. for example : when i was i child my father took me to the vienne and i was really interested about the architecture there.

secondly, you can put your further plan as an addition in the end of your essay to make sure the committee will be interested to you.

all in all, make sure your essay different from other applicants. good luck for your application.
paddoo   
Jul 1, 2015
Writing Feedback / CREATING PELLETS - the sawdust passes three physical process and two temperature treatments [3]

The flow chart reveals how to make wood pellets in order to heat the buildings. Overall, there are two forms of wood before being pellets. It is also essential to note that the sawdust passes three physical process and two temperature treatments to create pellets.

To begin with, sawmill's waste form is changed two times. The first, sawdust is an original material then it becomes smaller form which is fibers. After several treatments, they turn to be pellets. Nest, the pellets are packaged to bags for marketing.

Interestingly, to create pellets there are three physical treatments which are hammering, forcing, and vacuuming, while the temperature-control treatments are also needed in which dampening and cooling are part of them. Move to more detail analysis, the first process, sawdust passes hammering to create smaller forms and then fibers formed and they dampened with steam. Furthermore, they are forced to become pellets. To produce the final product of pellets, preservation is needed in order to make them ready to be sold. The fresh pellets then are cooled to make them durable. The last process is to do vacuuming and packaging the pellets to specific weight and cover. Most of the time, pellets are put into bags which have increase-capacity about 40 pound or 18 kilo of pellets per bag to be released to the market.




paddoo   
Jul 1, 2015
Writing Feedback / IT IS MORE IMPORTANT TO WORK AT A JOB THAT YOU ENJOY THAN IT IS TO EARN A LOT OF MONEY. [4]

Hi sally
following are my suggestions of your essay, hopefully can help you.

your introduction is good, i really like it. yet, it's going to be better if you add your thesis there, your first statement such as "i personally agree that earning money is important role of our life than another importance in our life" or "i prefer to stand on opinion said that it is more essential to work on enjoyable job rather than wealthy job".

in the body, it is better if you write down some scientific facts that support your opinion or statement.

many questions in introduction will reduce your score, overall your essay has a strong point of view.
it potentially grab high score.
paddoo   
Jun 30, 2015
Writing Feedback / Life now and furtherback - living in recent years is better than 100 years ago. IELTS TASK 2. [3]

Life now is better than it was 100 years ago.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement ?


Life has a lot of aspects that make it able to compare with the past. Some people argue that living nowadays is better than living in a century ago. This essay partly agrees with the argument. The first reason is there are plenty inventions that make life easier and development of knowledge that reduce risk of disease which was dangerous in the past, while the negative affects also appear like reducing familiar communication and others.

Living in recent years is better than living in 100 years ago in several cases. People today have a big deal accessibility that make them easier to do duty or interest. That is possible because there are plenty tools and innovations invented over a century. For example, in most place of the world, people were going to walk in order to go around. Yet, nowadays people just call taxi or drive a car to go. Other case, communicating to relations in different island or city was very difficult. People had to write letters and sent it via post, moreover the time taken was also long. But, people today are able to keep in touch with end of their fingers by texting email or other modern forms of modern communication. Those make life easier. On the other word, life becomes better than before.

Health as an important role of life has been improving in knowledge and tools. Many diseases have been able to detect early and the form of medicines are diverse now. For example, pox that was deathly disease on the past becomes not dangerous because of invention of vaccine. It makes people live healthier and do not worry about the illness. The access to hospital and other public health transports have been changing significantly, so if there is an accident or emergency call, the paramedic easily find and help the victim.

Standing in contrast, warm communication and friendly inhabitants are rarely found. People have evolved becoming workaholic and do not pay enough time to talk each other. According to recent research result, low frequency of communication and rigid form of communication make people's lifetime reduce significantly. People, in the past, lived happier in which they could live longer than now. It is one of the negative point of living in recent years.

Deeply deliberating about this problem, I assume living in recent years is better than 100 years ago even the life connection os less but it is easy to take a lot of access that not available in the past. It is going to be better if people are able to use recent technology wisely and proportionally to communicate.
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