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IT IS MORE IMPORTANT TO WORK AT A JOB THAT YOU ENJOY THAN IT IS TO EARN A LOT OF MONEY.


sally_922 3 / 6  
Jun 30, 2015   #1
TOEFL:It is More Important to Work at a Job that You Enjoy than it's to Earn a Lot of Money HOW MUCH WILL I SCORE IF I WRITE THIS WAY?

A golden key can open any door is rightly said. Money open any doors. But can money buy happiness? The joy we get when we do something of our interest cannot be bought by just few paper notes. So whether preferring money over happiness is justified or not is a contentious issue. A stand can only be taken after a scrupulous analysis.

Our lust for comfort in future is the biggest thief in our life. All of us run behind sumptuous life. Eventually we might get all of it but are we happy? The answer is always within us. The immense pleasure that we get after doing things we love is amazing. Do things you enjoy is a simple line but with guaranteed felicity.

Let me refer to an anecdote here. My brother was doing a job at Multinational Company before few years and earned big fat money. I realized he wasn't happy at the end. I used to wonder why after earning so much also, he wasn't happy. Soon I got my answer to it; he was not satisfied with his job. He always wanted to be a writer. After his saturation point, he drops his job for jollity he gets in writing. He chooses his passion over money. Though he dint earn much, he always wore smile on his face. I must say enjoyment in work is must for a good life.

It is possible that money can exhort us to do any job, as that money can fulfill our loved one's wishes. Sometimes people sacrifice their own happiness to bring pleasure to their loved ones. But just think of it what about when they will come the truth that all this is happening after you compromise your happiness. Will they be happy now?

For the aforementioned reasons, it is more important to work at a job that you enjoy than to run behind money. Money is not the solution to everything. Job that you enjoy doing is the real happiness. Money over happiness? Transient pleasure. Happiness over money? Perpetual joy. Choose wisely.

paddoo 2 / 3 3  
Jul 1, 2015   #2
Hi sally
following are my suggestions of your essay, hopefully can help you.

your introduction is good, i really like it. yet, it's going to be better if you add your thesis there, your first statement such as "i personally agree that earning money is important role of our life than another importance in our life" or "i prefer to stand on opinion said that it is more essential to work on enjoyable job rather than wealthy job".

in the body, it is better if you write down some scientific facts that support your opinion or statement.

many questions in introduction will reduce your score, overall your essay has a strong point of view.
it potentially grab high score.
Junisha111p 11 / 21 4  
Jul 1, 2015   #3
--It has been said the a golden key can open any door. Similarly, money can fulfill almost all artificial requirements, but can it buy happiness? Real happiness comes from the self satisfaction which one can get only after fulfilling his interest, which is self interest work. So, ....

Let me know what you think.

Keep writing!!
OP sally_922 3 / 6  
Jul 1, 2015   #4
@paddoo: thank you so much. it definitely helped me.
@junisha111: I really liked your version. Its better then what i have written. Thank you


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