Writing Feedback / Influencing good behaviour on children is a rising problem [6]

I want an essay to reviewed for my ielts exam. Need a band above 8

Here is my topic

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

Discuss bother these vies and give your own opinion.

Who should teach children how to behave properly?

There is a rising problem in the society about influencing good behaviour on children and many working parents believe that young minds should be tough by school whereas rest say guardian have to teach values, ethics and manners. In my view, I would have to agree with the fact that parents must teach their children about being good members in the community.

First of all, from toddler stage parents are with their kids all the time and because of that some people tend to see children tries to copy their parents' behaviour, communication & habits. Some of these are very noticeable, for example, having a pleasant smile and helping people could go a long way. There are times kind words could do the trick such as 'have a nice day', 'god bless you'. As a result, it would indirectly impact on kids to have a good behaviour.

While being good some people are trying to go dark side. Tolerance & selfless must be important to live in the community. Generally school system teaches how to be competitive. Furthermore, this system actually could brainwash and turn kids to be selfish. Even though schools are trying to provide a competition, parents must not provide the same environment for their children. Instead, parents should teach taking things slow and winning is not everything. Therefore, kids actually learn to work together and build robust foundation for every one rather than working for their own cause.

On the other hand, it's understandable that both parents have to work because of sky high living cost. Everybody wants to provide the best for their kids and because of that parents actually have lack of time to spend with their family. For them, the option would be the school system. For example, a single mother might have to couple of jobs to raise her two kids. Therefore, these single parents have to turn their cheek and rely on school system.

In conclusion, values, ethics & manners have to be taught by parents to raise a good children to a good & valuable member in the society. For others, they have to hope for the best that school system would not fail them.

Writing Feedback / Professional athletes have what it takes to be a role model; dedication, good hygiene, good behavior [2]

Hi, please correct my essay Thanks

I want this essay to reviewed for my ielts exam. Need a band above 8

Here is my topic

Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don't.

Discuss both these points of views and give your own opinion.

Write at least 250 words.

Most of professional sportsmen are quite shown to public by community compare to few years ago through media. In general, a lot of athletes have managed to win the audience whereas others failed due to their behavior. In my view, it's important have good influencer on younger generation and many expert athletes show they have essential qualities.

A sports man generally percepts a healthy image. Being healthy is one of lesson that teachers teach on daily basis and these people often follow having good and balance diet but fast food funks. For example, a football player must eat a lot of foods contain calcium to keep their bones fit. Therefore, a good hygiene would be provided inexplicitly by these people.

Apart from having diet, a practice helps having a healthy diet but it is pointed as a dedication to what he does best rather than healthy fit. Dedication should run through every teenager's mind and seeing those people achieve greatness with dedication and effort would convince anybody that anything is just a step away from possibility. For example, David Beckham is a idol in football and he achieved that by dedication. Dedication would provide the concrete mentality to go after ambitions.

Last but not least, dedication is one of the character that could be seeing in a person. Having a good behavior would be an ultimate victory for anybody because every parents or teachers ultimate goal is for them to learn and live their lives with respect and moral values. For example, if an athlete would show kindness in community, teenagers would have lined up and follow his footsteps. A good role model would reflect good behavior.

In contrast, some parents are against following footsteps of an experienced sports person because athletes are not educated. If these experts would have shown good qualities, parents should have let their children idolized them.

In conclusion, It's essential provide good role models to the society and many professional athletes have what it takes to be a role model such as dedication, good hygiene and good behavior. Therefore, they are one of the best type of people to be followed.

Writing Feedback / Should newspapers and magazines protect famous people privacy? [2]

I want an essay to reviewed for my ielts exam. Need a band above 8

Here is my topic

Many newspapers and magazines feature stories about the private lives of famous people. We know what they eat, where they buy their clothes and who they love. We also often see pictures of them in private situations.



Is it appropriate for a magazine or newspaper to give this kind of private information about people?

Give reasons for your answer.

Write at least 250 words.

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My essay

In the current world media's become a dominant factor for publicity and many celebrities're shown in the media because of their popularity among people. Quite often, people see a life story of a famous person and some times newspaper and magazines have provided in-depth stories as well. In my view, it's fairly important to publish their habits and stories because people would like knowing who they support.

Some people around the world worship these famous people, so therefore these people have become icons in the society and they are given the responsibility and opportunity influence a lot of people, especially younger generation. For example, some kids from school have joined certain sports activities because of their idols play that type of sports. And those players are responsible for showing good behavior because some day those kids might follow sportsmen's' foot step. Famous people behavior might have direct impact on people.

People would like to know who they are supporting and without a support there won't be any popular people. And that's how people bond with those people. Even though they don't know the famous personally, they could trust the person. President is a famous man in community and people support the nation's leader because he's openness to the community and people trust and back him up. Perception could result in support and confidence.

Most people in the current world have a lot of day-to-day stressful jobs. And because of that perhaps people would like to escape the reality and focus on a fantasy world or read harsh stories rather than dealing with people's problems. For example, a day time soap celebrities' life in America are mostly used as an escapism among viewers. Therefore, Famous people life stories could help to escape from reality.

However, it's harsh to provide in-depth stories of a person, because every person's entitled to have a right keep secrecy and particularly celebrities value privacy. On the other hand, famous people must share their lives among the public in order to grow publicity.

In conclusion, It's fairly appropriate to share their stories with public because public have brought them to that level and It's good to provide something in return and let community know who they supported.