Writing Feedback /
"Actions speak louder than words" (do you agree or disagree with the statement) [8]
Janie,
I agree with the statement, "Actions Speak Louder than Words". However I found this passage very difficult to read. I found myself re-reading many parts of the paper and I am not really sure why. I think that because I read it both aloud and in my head that you are a big fan of commas. I also like them. I am just not sure if you need as many as you have.
I think you may be trying to write like you would speak, however, starting a sentence with "But,..." might not be such a great idea.
What is this passage for? How long is it suppose to be?
I think it's great to provide so many examples but I feel there are exceptions to every rule. Perhaps, if there is not a word limit you could a more in depth situation in which actions speak loud than words.. maybe even a true experience.
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Words and actions are two kinds of emotional behaviors.
It is ironic that some people are always talking. But they are doing nothing. As a consequence, I completely agree with the statement:" Actions speak louder than words" because of the reasons presented below.
^
How about:
Words and actions are two separate emotional behaviors. It is with personal choice that we, as people, decide whether to speak and not act, act but not speak or speak at act at the same time. The statement, "Actions speak louder than words" could not ring more true for me.
This way you open the passage with options.
Diligence is better than laziness, intelligence than foolishness, honesty than dishonesty,
anybody acknowledges that fact.But In this life, many people know the good without following it, the evil without avoiding it. For instance, they still smoke, even though they know it is bad. Nobody can rival them in speaking, yet their behaviors are undeserving. Therefore, it is easy to speak but difficult to act.
^ TO assume that everyone acknowledges the fact that honesty is better then dishonesty is an outreach. I know many people who would prefer to not be honest or to not accept honest people. This of course has to deal with their own personal issues.. but you just put the reader in a box.
How about:
In this life I have seen many people say something and do the opposite. For instants, smoking. I have heard many people discuss the effects of smoking on their lungs and on the lungs of the people around me. However, they continue to "light up" every chance they get. This is the perfect example of someone whose actions do not speak louder then their words
This is of course.. not perfect.. and I am NOT trying to re-write your essay
Moreover, if you,just talk without your specific actions, you will become a boastful person to people. People could possibly look down on you. Then, what should you do? You must act. If you act without words, you can become an astute and intelligent person. People will not compare you to those talkative, and useless. That is the best way to behave in community.
^
The only thing I thought here was, "Do not tell me what to do with my actions... convince me other wise, but do not tell me what to do." Also, why so many comma's?
In conclusion, words is nothing but words. Actions
is are the way to make people admire you. Do not talk much, just act, because actions speak louder than words.
^
Again, your telling me what to do and what to think. Who says that I want people to admire me? And truly.. you can have bad actions that you do not speak about and WILL NOT make people admire you. I feel this is bad advice.
Ok, so as to not act like I know everything, because I do not, I would like to extend the option to go over your topic a little more if you wish. I do not want to seem pushy or to hurt your feelings. If I have done so, please excuse me.