JJREDICK
Nov 25, 2015
Undergraduate / Habit of Eating Local Food Shaped My Attitude Towards Life - Prompt 1 Common App [13]
Hi Louisa,
Thanks for the great output you provided. I've decided to heavily rewrite the first essay, but it would still revolve around the same story. I really liked my second essay so I only made changes in the first paragraph. Can you review both of them and see whether they answered the prompt effectively and sounded sincere enough? Thanks again :)
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
Every time I step out of my school gate, I see most of the students crowding several small snack kiosks on the side of the street. I recognized a few primary school juveniles enjoying their acrylic-paint blue colored milkshakes while waiting for their parents to pick them up, several 7th graders crunching on the chemically-flavored spicy flour chips, and eventually my classmates ravenously hogging on their plate of fried artificial wax-filled instant noodles. Such were the common sightings around my neighborhood in Indonesia, where mass production of food are loosely regulated by the government. Through my habit of observing the "ingredients used" in the packaging of every local snack product I purchased, I found out that most of the ingredients comprises artificial additives which could result in negative health implications. It is as if most local food producers would resort to maximizing their profits by substituting healthy ingredients for cheaper but harmful monosodium glutamates and tartrazines. Sadly most of my friends, as well as the major population of my country, which comprise middle to low income earners, aren't aware about this committed atrocious contamination of food products. Even if they're aware, their inability to afford consuming imported healthy grain bars and fruit yoghurts made them resort to consuming cheap chemical-filled, artificial substitutes of these food products. This pitiful sight made me recognize and develop a huge concern regarding the food consumption dilemma of Indonesia.
This concern directed my course to a future in food biochemistry. In my freshman year I took rigorous Higher Level Chemistry and Biology courses in IBDP and IGCSE, and utilize my school breaks in visiting the small number of existing Indonesian food companies which specialize in producing healthy and affordable food products. It also gave rise to my new hobby of frequently reading news pertaining to Indonesia's food industry. Through both experiences, I found out how Indonesia is filled with top-quality food resources which are sadly imported raw because my country lacks food manufacturers. I developed a strong desire to change this nation's diet and improve the country's economy by becoming a social entrepreneur who focuses in manufacturing healthy and affordable food products using local raw materials for my country's citizens to enjoy.
I believe UC Davis Food Science and Technology courses can guide me to achieve it by providing the most apt knowledge on both the applied management skills required to run a processed-food company, and the technical aspects of food manufacturing. The focus in prioritizing food safety in UC Davis provides the suitable environment for my aim of developing healthy snacks which can be enjoyed by everyone. Besides academic help, the provision plentiful internship opportunities which can help me attain valuable transferrable skills to catalyze the process of starting my own food business, makes UC Davis the perfect guide to achieve my dreams.
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?
I am proud consumer of street foods, the type of food which is looked down by people in my country. When people condescendingly ask me why, I question them back: "Why look for good food in opulent restaurants, when you can look for delicious food in local kiosks?" I regard a local culinary adventure as lucrative as gold-hunting and enjoy sitting at these stalls smelling the mixed aromas of grilled kebabs, fried rice, and meatball soup. While other people are busy making reservations at a five-star Italian restaurant, I'd be huddling up in a food-line, ordering spicy tofu in a street kiosk. When my friends order Stuffed Crust Pizza or Big Macs for their birthday feast, I'd order Balinese Suckling Pig or Javanese Lamb Satay for mine. Although seemingly trivial, my penchant for local food remains a proud and inseparable part of my identity.
This habit of enjoying local delicacies highlights my growing up in a modest economic background. My parents are humble proprietors of a small home-furnishing company, but proud owners of big dreams. With all their might and determination, my parents worked hard to pay my expensive tuition fees at a prestigious, expensive private school, carrying hopes that my siblings and I are able to live a better life compared to them. Excluding the exorbitant spending on education, we would live on a very tight budget. Feasting at a fancy bistro is considered a luxury. Hence, our culinary recreations would instead be held at the nearest night market. My parents called it good food at an affordable cost. I remembered how, sitting on a plastic stool beside a street full of food vendors, my family and I voraciously ate a bowl of bakso (meatball soup) while sharing stories of laughter and happiness. Perhaps due to this reason, the olfactory sensation coming from the street vendors reminded me of the hard work and sacrifices my parents made for me and reminded me to study hard when I feel tired, reminded me to never give up hope because they haven't lost their hope on me.
My passion for local food eventually affected my outlook in all other aspects of my life. I substantiate inner quality over outward appearance, just like the way my parents spend more on my education rather than expensive food, cars or clothes. I wouldn't mind wearing an unbranded jacket, as long as it kept me completely warm. I wouldn't feel shy when using my outdated smartphone, knowing it could still smoothly receive and make calls. I would prefer eating simple fried bananas rather than the expensive crème brulee, as it gives equivalent amount of satisfaction for a lower price. Ultimately, my life-changing experience with local food humbled my attitude. Sooner or later I will be successful, and this humbling habit will always remain my modest outlook upon life.
Hi Louisa,
Thanks for the great output you provided. I've decided to heavily rewrite the first essay, but it would still revolve around the same story. I really liked my second essay so I only made changes in the first paragraph. Can you review both of them and see whether they answered the prompt effectively and sounded sincere enough? Thanks again :)
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
Every time I step out of my school gate, I see most of the students crowding several small snack kiosks on the side of the street. I recognized a few primary school juveniles enjoying their acrylic-paint blue colored milkshakes while waiting for their parents to pick them up, several 7th graders crunching on the chemically-flavored spicy flour chips, and eventually my classmates ravenously hogging on their plate of fried artificial wax-filled instant noodles. Such were the common sightings around my neighborhood in Indonesia, where mass production of food are loosely regulated by the government. Through my habit of observing the "ingredients used" in the packaging of every local snack product I purchased, I found out that most of the ingredients comprises artificial additives which could result in negative health implications. It is as if most local food producers would resort to maximizing their profits by substituting healthy ingredients for cheaper but harmful monosodium glutamates and tartrazines. Sadly most of my friends, as well as the major population of my country, which comprise middle to low income earners, aren't aware about this committed atrocious contamination of food products. Even if they're aware, their inability to afford consuming imported healthy grain bars and fruit yoghurts made them resort to consuming cheap chemical-filled, artificial substitutes of these food products. This pitiful sight made me recognize and develop a huge concern regarding the food consumption dilemma of Indonesia.
This concern directed my course to a future in food biochemistry. In my freshman year I took rigorous Higher Level Chemistry and Biology courses in IBDP and IGCSE, and utilize my school breaks in visiting the small number of existing Indonesian food companies which specialize in producing healthy and affordable food products. It also gave rise to my new hobby of frequently reading news pertaining to Indonesia's food industry. Through both experiences, I found out how Indonesia is filled with top-quality food resources which are sadly imported raw because my country lacks food manufacturers. I developed a strong desire to change this nation's diet and improve the country's economy by becoming a social entrepreneur who focuses in manufacturing healthy and affordable food products using local raw materials for my country's citizens to enjoy.
I believe UC Davis Food Science and Technology courses can guide me to achieve it by providing the most apt knowledge on both the applied management skills required to run a processed-food company, and the technical aspects of food manufacturing. The focus in prioritizing food safety in UC Davis provides the suitable environment for my aim of developing healthy snacks which can be enjoyed by everyone. Besides academic help, the provision plentiful internship opportunities which can help me attain valuable transferrable skills to catalyze the process of starting my own food business, makes UC Davis the perfect guide to achieve my dreams.
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?
I am proud consumer of street foods, the type of food which is looked down by people in my country. When people condescendingly ask me why, I question them back: "Why look for good food in opulent restaurants, when you can look for delicious food in local kiosks?" I regard a local culinary adventure as lucrative as gold-hunting and enjoy sitting at these stalls smelling the mixed aromas of grilled kebabs, fried rice, and meatball soup. While other people are busy making reservations at a five-star Italian restaurant, I'd be huddling up in a food-line, ordering spicy tofu in a street kiosk. When my friends order Stuffed Crust Pizza or Big Macs for their birthday feast, I'd order Balinese Suckling Pig or Javanese Lamb Satay for mine. Although seemingly trivial, my penchant for local food remains a proud and inseparable part of my identity.
This habit of enjoying local delicacies highlights my growing up in a modest economic background. My parents are humble proprietors of a small home-furnishing company, but proud owners of big dreams. With all their might and determination, my parents worked hard to pay my expensive tuition fees at a prestigious, expensive private school, carrying hopes that my siblings and I are able to live a better life compared to them. Excluding the exorbitant spending on education, we would live on a very tight budget. Feasting at a fancy bistro is considered a luxury. Hence, our culinary recreations would instead be held at the nearest night market. My parents called it good food at an affordable cost. I remembered how, sitting on a plastic stool beside a street full of food vendors, my family and I voraciously ate a bowl of bakso (meatball soup) while sharing stories of laughter and happiness. Perhaps due to this reason, the olfactory sensation coming from the street vendors reminded me of the hard work and sacrifices my parents made for me and reminded me to study hard when I feel tired, reminded me to never give up hope because they haven't lost their hope on me.
My passion for local food eventually affected my outlook in all other aspects of my life. I substantiate inner quality over outward appearance, just like the way my parents spend more on my education rather than expensive food, cars or clothes. I wouldn't mind wearing an unbranded jacket, as long as it kept me completely warm. I wouldn't feel shy when using my outdated smartphone, knowing it could still smoothly receive and make calls. I would prefer eating simple fried bananas rather than the expensive crème brulee, as it gives equivalent amount of satisfaction for a lower price. Ultimately, my life-changing experience with local food humbled my attitude. Sooner or later I will be successful, and this humbling habit will always remain my modest outlook upon life.
