Graduate / Good medical care should transcends the barriers of money and profit - UIC ESSAY - to be a doctor [3]

Hi guys, I need help to make the paper shorter but still a good paper. My paper is 635 words and I have to make the paper between 300-400 words. I truly need help. Thanks guys!!!

Question: Explain your interest in the major you selected. Describe an experience related to this area of study, what first introduced you to this field, and/or your future career goals. If you're applying to the Division of General Studies, explain your academic interests and strengths or your future career goals. You may include any majors or areas of study you're currently considering. Limit your response to 300 to 400 words.

UIC Application Essay
Thank God, my grandmother is alive. Little did I know that my last trip to India will re-inforce and transform my desire to be a doctor into a belief. That being a doctor is not merely about treating your patient but is also lot about the art of healing. That a doctor's role does not end at providing medical care but also helping patients cope with their moments of anxiety, fear and vulnerability.

Last summer, back in India I saw my grandmother battle ulcerative colitis. The disease took serious toll on her. Someone who was always a pillar of strength to us, was now an extremely weak and a frail figure. The excessive bleeding, crippling pain, strong medication and living a life which was a far cry from being normal broke her otherwise unfailing spirit.

While all of it was unbearable for her, it was difficult for the family too. Most of us in the family did not know much about the disease or how to deal with the situation. Finally we all turned to the doctor who was treating my grandmother. After a few weeks it seemed my grandmother developed a bond with the doctor. We realized that it was not just her physical condition that the doctor was dealing with but was also rendering the much needed emotional and psychological support. The doctor used the power of medicine and compassion to treat my grandmother. On his visits the doctor would spend time, talking to her, sometimes even help her with the tablets and the prescribed meals. In doing so he would constantly boost the morale of not only my grandmother but all of us as well. After a few day, we saw her respond better to the treatment. There was hope, optimism and conversation. The doctor sparked the much needed zeal that my grandmother needed to get back to a healthy life.

Even before I experienced all of this from close quarters, my earlier tryst with the field of medicine happened during my high school days. I would love watching health related shows like New York Med and Boston Med. These shows displayed the reality of what patients go through, how much concentration doctors must have, and how they communicate with patients during trying times. I would rarely give these shows a miss. I learnt that one key attribute of a good doctor is to be able to communicate with patients with care and respect.

Not stopping at that I decided to get a firsthand experience of dealing with patients at the Palos Heights Community Hospital. Every Saturday I would spend quality time with them in their room. I would be drawn to their concerns and such initial experiences set me on the path of reflection. The more time I spent with them the more I wanted to be of help. I felt that I had something important to share about the health and medical needs of people and thought of ways I could help as a result of these interactions.

As a doctor I want to ensure that good medical care transcends the barriers of money and profit. I want to value the dignity of the patient with an approach that places the need of the patient first over anything else. I want to be a doctor who moves beyond the care provided by pure medicine

Undergraduate / 'great programs for pre-medical studies' - My interest to study in Illinois Institute of Technology [4]

Can you please grade my essay, give feedback, and tell me how it is overall. This only has to be one paragraph. The college said that the paper does not have to be the traditional 5 paragraph essay since it is on 250 words or less. Thanks.

Question: Why are you interested in Illinois Institute of Technology? (250 words or less)

I was continuously searching and searching for notable universities in Illinois that would suit my choice of going into pre-med. Finally, I saw it. IIT, a school not only filled with intellectual, open-minded students and staff but also programs great for pre-medical studies. I was intrigued by the facts and decided to apply to IIT.

IIT has endless opportunities for students who want to study medicine. I am exuberant to take courses that not only incorporate medical techniques and skills, but also how technology is incorporated to provide efficient, live-saving procedures. Courses such as anatomy, pathology, psychology, critical thinking in public health, and communication help teach vital skills necessary to become a good physician. Subsequently, I am interested in joining AMSA IIT. This organization would help me learn more about the different paths of medicine, the tips and tricks of becoming successful in medical school, and proper communication with patients and their families. Also, I will make new friends who have the same aspirations I have. Finally, I know that IIT has affiliations with many schools and hospitals. IIT has partnered with Rush Medical Center and Midwestern University ensuring that best learning, hands on experience. My cousin who went to IIT told me that the school has many opportunities for students who are interested in pursing a major in anything.

Hearing all the programs and organizations IIT has to offer, I am ready to join the IIT community and take advantage of the opportunities provided there.

Undergraduate / Volunteering and tutoring - my contribution to the UIC Honors College community [5]

Can you guys please grade my paper?

Question: In its mission statement, the UIC Honors College is described as a community of scholars whose goal is to enrich the education experience of undergraduates and allow the faculty and students of all disciplines to interact in teaching, learning and research. Please tell us "How can you contribute to the Honors College community?" What benefits do you expect in return? (400-500 words)

My mother was a woman with a good work ethnic and great contributor to those in her community. She had taught me to be the same as her and to always help humanity. As a senior at Carl Sandburg High School, I have helped the community in many ways; as a college student, I will help contribute to the UIC Honors College Program in countless ways.

In high school, I have been a math tutor for two years. Inducted for my commitment to mathematics, I am passionate of assisting peers with different levels of math from Algebra 1 all the way up to Calculus. Most of my friends considered me as an impressive tutor who came with effective tips and tricks. Specifically, I remember a freshman coming to my class saying that he is failing Algebra. I started to tutor him usually three times a week. I had to teach him step by step so he could understand the material. Fortunately, his grade started improving and was receiving a C in his class. He told me that I taught properly and made the content clear and concise. I want to continue tutoring at UIC and help pupils who struggle with math. I know that I will make the material easy, clear, fun, and less stressful for many taking math courses at UIC.

One of my huge contributions will be my commitment to volunteerism. As a high school student, I volunteered at the Orland Park Public Library as well as Palos Heights Community Hospital. I was a computer volunteer assistant who would help patrons with print jobs, taking printing money, and help those who had trouble using the Internet. I also helped senior citizens with their cell phones. The librarian would book an appointment and I would be ready to teach the elderly how to use their phone effectively and properly as well as what apps they should download. At eh hospital, I am a sterile supply worker and a courier. I transport food trays and medical equipment to departments that need those things. I have contributed over 400 hours of service; I know that I am committed to helping others. At UIC, I plan on making the university a warm, welcoming place for any student or even civilian. I want to work with other pupils in order to help humanity as well as make the university a safe, memorable place.

As I help the university by volunteering and tutoring, I hope that the university helps me become an excellent physician with a strong personality and foundation. I want to receive a valuable education that will help build my skills toward becoming a doctor. The more I learn, the more I can apply to my profession. In addition, I would appreciate the honors program to help get admitted into UIC Medical School. I want to learn tips and get recommendations so I can increase my chances of getting into their med school. I am exuberant to join the honors program