Grammar, Usage / 'Be involved in strengthening community bonds...' How do I paraphrase this statement? [4]

Hi

Be involved in strengthening community bonds, encouraging volunteerism and philanthropy, engaging youth, developing and promoting sports, heritage and the arts. Experience a range of challenging and interesting portfolios to build a cohesive and resilient society, and deepen the sense of national identity and affinity for its country.

The one in bond is taken from mccy.gov.sg/en/news/press-releases/2015/New_CEO_NYC.aspx

I am trying to state that this organisation is trying to build a sense of belonging for its citizen and I found this on the web so I would like to use it as a evidence to support in my essay but I am not really sure how to paraphrase.

Any help is greatly appreciated.

Thanks

Writing Feedback / The famous people should be prepared to be a celebrity - and it's not always a pleasure. [7]

Hi

It seems your second paragraph and third paragraph lack examples and detail. It is quite brief . Maybe you can try to add more example as to why being famous is good and why being famous is bad. Give some real life example like justin bieber.

Example - Being famous has allowed him to become so popular that many people in the world know him.

Writing Feedback / Various elderly problems in USA - how to improve the current situation? [7]

So does this paragraph has any error on its singular and plural terms ?

This program will teach students about the history and lives of the elderly in USA and [...]
[...] of the situation in the country.

I cant really see very well when I check my own work :(

Writing Feedback / Various elderly problems in USA - how to improve the current situation? [7]

Can anyone helps me improve my sentence structure for the part I have posted above? I will add more detail later.

Many thanks

Writing Feedback / Various elderly problems in USA - how to improve the current situation? [7]

I was told write a simple essay of not more than 250 words.

The topic is to come up a plan to improve the relatonship between the younger generation and the elderly

Please help me improve this short essay

Writing Feedback / Essay on "Whether tobacco should be prohibited or not" for review [9]

It is debatable if government should create laws to prohibit smoking. On one hand where such laws can be beneficial forto its citizens but at same time theyit can be treated as an invasion of individual rights too . This essay will firstly examine the benefits of making such laws followed by some discussion of on the disadvantages of Tobacco before arriving at a reasoned conclusion.

TheThere are mainlytwo main advantages of having a ban on tobacco and its products. One is that theFirstly , the government will not do not need have to spend money on extra health care costs associated with diseases linked to excessive smoking . For example , excessive smoking will lead to diseases such as lung cancer . It is well established fact that smoking leads to a variety of diseases and makes people unfit.Tobacco has also been proven by Scientist that it makes people unfit due to the diseases it cause to human body . Other advantage is that healthy citizens are useful asset to a country as they can be productive and earn enough to support themselves, their families and others in need.

Having considered the advantages, it is equally important to examine the disadvantages associated with having such laws. Firstly, such a law is an invasion of individual rights. A democratic government gets elected to safeguard the rights of its people and such a law can prove very unpopular over times . Secondly, the governments usually earn a lot of money by taxing tobacco products heavily . By banning these altogetherTobacco in the country ,the government will lose a huge significant source of revenue.

In my opinion, government can make policies to encourage people to give up on smoking. For instance, there is a ban on smoking in public places in IndiaSmoking in pubic places in India is banned by the government . However , I feel thatI disagreeathe government should put a blanket ban on tobacco products as it will not be correct both economically and democratically.

Writing Feedback / Essay choosing career and its imporatance [4]

Moreover, if teenagers have clear description about their future jobs, they will choose where to live for earning more moneyknow what they want in life . They may be encouraged immigration to country or city in which their majors have huge high paying job opportunities . They may choose to immigrate to other country or city where there are better job prospect . Therefore, they can earn the huge amount of money. Young adult like their jobs and live in the high standard of livingthey will be able to achieve the kind of lifestyle that they have always wanted.

In conclusion, I once again would like to argueemphasizeon the fact that having a clear description of their career choice , it will help them better prepare for anything that might come with it that deciding which job may be chosen by young generation helps him/her in other fundamental issues in their lives . forFor example, Choosing their majors, finding the best place to live and gaining requisite skills are affected by which occupation is interested by young people.choosing the right majors , will allow them to gain the necessary skills and knowledge which are need in that specific field

Note:
Please try to avoid the use of argue in any essay as it sounds impolite in my opinion.

Writing Feedback / Essay choosing career and its imporatance [4]

The idea that what individual wants to do as a job is not important seems at first glance a fair statement,at first glance may not seem important , nevertheless it may make the assumption that there are many other crucial issues about which individuals have to make decisionstakes into account of other factors that affects one decisions . As I shall argue there are compelling reasons why choosing what career for young generation may direct their education, place where they will live and information acquired.In this essay , I shall explain the reason why education may has a direct impact on their career choice .

To begin with, their major in university is what can be affected by the future occupationwhat they learn in university is what will determine their future occupation . When young adults go to university and study for four years, they acquire directed information and learn skilled craft. Therefore, they try to become prepared for the future careers.

The other root of such a grave idea is that choosing workplace for the rest of their lives, adolescents try to gain much more information of certain workplace. For example, young generation try to know about not onlytheir employees who works in specific workplaces, but also skills which are needed for these workplaces., as well.