Undergraduate / I finally knew I was done searching; I was going to be a Hokie. [4]

I can't really help, but my opinion on this is that it's really good, but you shouldn't need to go into way too much detail. Take out whatever isn't really that much important or just shorten the sentences.

Help with mine ⇒ Meeting a New Teacher PERSONAL NARRATIVE

Writing Feedback / The famous people should be prepared to be a celebrity - and it's not always a pleasure. [7]

Your essay is very good try adding more detail or examples you left. I'm probably not much help because I'm still in middle school, but you could consider this idea. :) Also check out my essay please! Thanks.

Help with mine ⇒ Meeting a New Teacher PERSONAL NARRATIVE