Writing Feedback / Money is a measure of success- Agree or disagree? [4]

Thank you @eddies and @katevb. This feedback is specific and valuable. I need more coaching advice in presenting the argument coherently and composing focused and succinct paragraphs- essentially organizing the ideas, arguments and conclusions. Please look at below and let me know how i can transition between paragraphs. Is it coming like a discussion and similar to what @eddies gave a break-up for intro, what can be the conclusion?

Here is the revised essay for your kind review. thank you..

Money could change people's lives. As such, it is argued that a successful person can be measured by how much they could earn. While this idea is more acceptable in our society, other factors should be taken into account. This essay will discuss how the definition of success varies and money may not be at the center of it.

Let's look at a few examples from contemporary world. Steve Jobs, founder of Apple Inc, is known for his creative genius and passion rather than his considerable wealth. In this case, success can be defined by the impact created on people and disrupting the innovation.

For some success means power. Current prime minister of India , Narendra Modi is a perfect example of a powerful politician who is very successful yet do not possess any considerable wealth. If we look around, we will observe that in this maddening rush to earn more money, we miss spending times with our family and friends. It sounds like an old school thought but to many this realization comes late and obscures their deifintion of success when they have too many regrets in life for missing out on the small things in life, we may not consider oursleves successful in spite of having a great bank balance.

Joining army to serve one's country than pursuing that high paying career opportunity, feeling ecstatic and accomplished to scale the highest mountain peak of world, leaving a high paying corporate job to join a NGO in a remote village, these are some of the several examples around us which make us believe that there is lot more to success than just money.

Writing Feedback / Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of living in a media rich society [3]

Good introduction to topic. Some suggestions, largely on grammar and a few on construction of sentence. I hope this helps you.
It has a huge effect on human's life in all arenas. These effects include advantages and disadvantages. It impacts our lives significantly in both positive and negative ways.

The most crucial benefit is providing information and knowledge about local and abroad news The most valuable benefit of media is to disseminate information and knowledge about local and foreign events.

In addition , it awaremakes people aware about dangers and give them health instructions to save their life life-saving instructions.

..merchants and investors, teachers and students when where It it gives them an..

For example, In Jordan many women were killed because of what is so-called "honor killing" but women' rights societies succeeded in establishing a law to punish those criminals by highlight on this dangerous issue through Media in 2012.

..and falsification ofthe truth
..media depictdepicts the fighters..

These companies have a domination ondominate different types of media in our lives.
In conclusion, despite the fact that media is a significant tool in our lives, It it can be beneficial and detrimental. Thus, people must be warnconscious of it and should perform due diligence of information before believing it.