Unanswered [9] | Urgent [0]

Posts by jeffyt
Joined: Oct 24, 2015
Last Post: Oct 25, 2015
Threads: 2
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From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 3
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Oct 25, 2015
Undergraduate / What did I wrong? I will never be perfect - common app essay [3]

Prompt: The lessons we take from failure can be fundamental to later success. Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?

Almost like a scene in a movie, it was the last inning, there were two outs, and my team was one run from tieing the game. The last thing we could do, was allow this team to beat us. My anxious, sweaty, and exhausted thirteen year old self waited on third base for the next batter to take her turn. I was aware and frightened by the fact that either a home run or my slide into home base was what could tie this game. To my luck, my teammate hit the fast coming pitch and I had to run to home plate. "We practiced sliding nearly a thousand times, you can do this. It's just a simple slide" I thought. That "simple slide" was overturned when the catcher caught the ball in her mitt, and tagged me out.

I could see the disappointment in everyone's face. My coach gave a long sigh, and we packed our supplies and exited the footprint covered field. "Don't cry it's just a game, you'll do better next time" I said to myself . However, my team's sorrowful faces have been already been chiseled in my memory like an engraving on a stone. What did I do wrong? From this moment on, my confidence plummeted for the rest of the season and well into my high school years.

Before that softball game, my confidence was at a reasonable level. I performed as a main character in my elementary school play, I spoke publically with ease, and I was not afraid to try new things. Since the softball game, whenever I am asked to speak in front of a large group of people, I instantly recall the time I failed the team. The fear of bringing other people, especially myself, down has haunted me for years now. There are some memories that one can never remember, and other random, unimportant ones that stick with people for the rest of their lives. My failure was one of them.

From that point on, I thought nothing could break me out of the shell that has been containing me for years. However, last year, in 11th grade, I decided to perform at my school's annual World Culture Night. During practices I would constantly try to avoid messing up. I refused to be the one to butcher this routine. A guilty pleasure of mine is dancing, so when practicing with my partner, I enjoyed every second of it. In the meantime, practice after practice, my anxiety was building.

The night arrived and I prepared to walk on stage. I took deep breaths and prepared for showtime. The stage lights were about to illuminate the stage and almost as if in slow motion, I saw myself losing the game again. However, this time, instead of filling me with fear, composure was bestowed upon me. I smiled and danced my heart out that night. Happiness and excitement replenished my body. From this day on, I learned to never let a small mistake bring me down again. I must be myself, and do what makes me happy, not others. People make mistakes, it's what you do with that mistake to better yourself. Dance, play, or speak your heart out, only you could bring yourself down.

I am human, I will never be perfect. My failures are what make me who I am. Today, I am grateful I lost that softball game. It has opened my eyes to the world I have yet to face and the people I have yet to inevitably disappoint. My experience has motivated me to be myself and not worry about the fastball adversities may throw at me.
Oct 24, 2015
Undergraduate / My Love for Law and Economics - USC Writing supplement [4]

Hi Alessandra!

Your essay sticks to the topic well and contains great examples. However, try to use better vocab in these sentences:

I love how basic concepts can be explained and understood in real-life examples, and how hypothesis like price elasticity of demand and monopoly shape the world as we know it today.

The fact that I would not have to give up the love of one subject for another excites me completely. relinquish
Oct 24, 2015
Undergraduate / What Disney taught me. Divorce brings not solely a dismay - also the gift of realization. Common App [2]

Prompt: Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.(NO MORE THAN 650 WORDS)

I was raised on the idea that couples should be forever in love and unity despite their quarrels. My obsession with Disney princesses contributed to this ideology. Princess Belle was always butting heads with the Beast but that never stopped them from falling in love despite their differences. My innocence and naivety kept me from questioning that a couple, especially parents, could lose that spark from when they first met. My parents added to my way of thinking by never leaving each others side, even today. However, my mentality on love took a detour when I was only six years old.

I could see the sorrow in her eyes as she refused to have tea time with me as we sat inside my Cinderella play tent. The confusion, pain, and despairing look she gave has been chiseled in my memory like an engraving on a stone. Her constant tears made me wonder what I could have possibly done wrong. I told my cousin anything and everything. What was holding her back from doing the same?

Her mother, my aunt, had to explain to her that she was getting a divorce. At the time, I had no clue what "divorce" meant. Was it some sort of game? Were they getting a new pet? I started putting two and two together when I noticed that her father was absent from family gatherings. I remember thinking, "aren't mommys and daddys supposed to always be together?" One could only imagine the confusion I felt when my aunt and uncle, two people I had always relied on, never wanted to see each other again.

I have come to realize that at this moment, I abandoned my childhood rationalizations and began opening my eyes to the reality of what love genuinely entitles. I would not jump to the conclusion that I completely entered adulthood at the age of six, however I did take my first steps into the real world and it's sometimes cruel conditions. Especially now, being 17 years old and in a relationship, my expectations on love are prudent and I refuse to let them drown me with false hope.

Love will not always have the fairy tale ending we dream of. Everyone's story will not be equivalent to a Disney movie. Adversities make us the people we are. Looking back on the little girl in a Princess Belle dress to the person I am today, I am appreciative that a divorce did not solely bring me dismay, but the gift of realization.
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