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What did I wrong? I will never be perfect - common app essay


jeffyt 2 / 1  
Oct 25, 2015   #1
Prompt: The lessons we take from failure can be fundamental to later success. Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?

Almost like a scene in a movie, it was the last inning, there were two outs, and my team was one run from tieing the game. The last thing we could do, was allow this team to beat us. My anxious, sweaty, and exhausted thirteen year old self waited on third base for the next batter to take her turn. I was aware and frightened by the fact that either a home run or my slide into home base was what could tie this game. To my luck, my teammate hit the fast coming pitch and I had to run to home plate. "We practiced sliding nearly a thousand times, you can do this. It's just a simple slide" I thought. That "simple slide" was overturned when the catcher caught the ball in her mitt, and tagged me out.

I could see the disappointment in everyone's face. My coach gave a long sigh, and we packed our supplies and exited the footprint covered field. "Don't cry it's just a game, you'll do better next time" I said to myself . However, my team's sorrowful faces have been already been chiseled in my memory like an engraving on a stone. What did I do wrong? From this moment on, my confidence plummeted for the rest of the season and well into my high school years.

Before that softball game, my confidence was at a reasonable level. I performed as a main character in my elementary school play, I spoke publically with ease, and I was not afraid to try new things. Since the softball game, whenever I am asked to speak in front of a large group of people, I instantly recall the time I failed the team. The fear of bringing other people, especially myself, down has haunted me for years now. There are some memories that one can never remember, and other random, unimportant ones that stick with people for the rest of their lives. My failure was one of them.

From that point on, I thought nothing could break me out of the shell that has been containing me for years. However, last year, in 11th grade, I decided to perform at my school's annual World Culture Night. During practices I would constantly try to avoid messing up. I refused to be the one to butcher this routine. A guilty pleasure of mine is dancing, so when practicing with my partner, I enjoyed every second of it. In the meantime, practice after practice, my anxiety was building.

The night arrived and I prepared to walk on stage. I took deep breaths and prepared for showtime. The stage lights were about to illuminate the stage and almost as if in slow motion, I saw myself losing the game again. However, this time, instead of filling me with fear, composure was bestowed upon me. I smiled and danced my heart out that night. Happiness and excitement replenished my body. From this day on, I learned to never let a small mistake bring me down again. I must be myself, and do what makes me happy, not others. People make mistakes, it's what you do with that mistake to better yourself. Dance, play, or speak your heart out, only you could bring yourself down.

I am human, I will never be perfect. My failures are what make me who I am. Today, I am grateful I lost that softball game. It has opened my eyes to the world I have yet to face and the people I have yet to inevitably disappoint. My experience has motivated me to be myself and not worry about the fastball adversities may throw at me.

anfernee 6 / 19 13  
Oct 25, 2015   #2
was TO allow this team to beat us.

I was aware OF and frightened by the fact that either

Since the softball game, whenever I am asked to speak in front of a large group of people, I instantly recall the time I failed the team. The fear of bringing other people, especially myself, down has haunted me for years now.

---- I feel that you can use the past tense as you are now not fearful anymore.

Actually, I really like your writing. It is descriptive, straight-forward, and informative so that readers, such as me, can feel the self-challenge, the conflict, and the fear you once had when you failed at the game.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Oct 25, 2015   #3
Jeffyt, this is a very interesting essay. You actually took it full circle starting with your failure at the baseball game, the effect that had on you, and then how you found redemption within yourself so that you could move on from that failure. This is a story that will resonate with most readers who have had failures in life and have yet to get back up from their fall.

Some points for correction though:

Par. 1:
IT WAS A almost like a scene in a movie,
thirteen year old self waited on third base for the next batter to take her turn.
- Make sure that you clarify you are playing softball at the very beginning of the essay. The way you were speaking, it sounded like you were playing baseball.

"Don't cry it's just a game, you'll do better next time" I said to ASSURED myself .
my team's sorrowful faces have HAD been already been chiseled in my memory like an engraving on IN a stone.
From this THAT moment on, my confidence plummeted for the rest of the season and well into my high school years.

Par.2:
Before that softball game, my confidence was at a reasonable level. I performed as a THE main character in my elementary school play,
I spoke publically PUBLICLY with ease
Since the softball game, whenever I am WAS asked to speak in front of a large group of people, I instantly recalEDl the time I failed the team.

Par.3:
that has D been containing me for years. However, last year, in THE 11th grade
refused to be the one to butcherED THE this routine.

Par. 4:
The stage lights were about to illuminate the stage and WHEN , almost as if in slow motion, I saw myself losing the game again.
Happiness and excitement WERE replenished IN my body. From this THAT day on,
I learned to never let a small mistake bring me down again .
People make mistakes, it's what you do with that mistake to better yourself THAT MATTERS.
only you could CAN bring yourself down.

Par. 5:
My experience has motivated me to be myself and not worry about the fastball adversities LIFE may throw at me


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